How to be fearless

5. They overprepare but they don’t overreact.

Posted Dec 07, 2015

THE BASICS

You may believe that brave and courageous people have no fear. Wrong.

Courageous people are as afraid as anyone else. It is actually their fear that makes them courageous, not the lack of it. But they manage their fear differently.

It’s not a stretch to say that people who truly have no fear are either sociopaths or have severe brain damage. For the rest of us, being “fearless” means knowing how to leverage fear.

How do fearless people do that? How do they become fearless without being thoughtless?

1. They respect fear.

Fearless people are not afraid to be afraid. They are comfortable acknowledging their fear. They know fear is hardwired into our nervous system and therefore impossible to shut down. They understand that the role of fear is to warn and protect, not to scare and prevent. For them fear is not an enemy. It is an ally that guides them through high-stakes situations and ensures goal achievement.

2. They understand the mechanics of fear.

Fearless people recognize that fear is a complex experience made up of interactive physical, emotional, and mental components. They know that fear goes beyond feelings of worry and dread, and that their own thoughts can exacerbate their fears by making things seem scarier than they really are. They understand that their own actions can determine the degree of impact fear will have on their lives.

3. They explore the origin of their fear.

When fear arises, fearless people don’t let it linger. They want to know what is causing it. Fearless people realize that fear is not so much about what scares you but about why it scares you. And there are three main reasons why something scares you:

• Biology: You are designed to be scared of it. There are a number of things that we are genetically predisposed to be afraid of—snakes, for example.
• Past experience: It (or something very similar) scared you a lot in the past. Fear can be learned and conditioned. If you have been in a bad car accident, you may become afraid of driving.
• Forecasting: You worry about the future. Fear emerges when you expect that your predicament or your actions could have serious and harmful consequences for your life, your health, your freedom, your relationships, or your self-esteem.

4. They focus on building confidence.

There is no better antidote to fear than self-confidence. The more confident you are about your ability to handle what scares you, the more secure you will feel.

Building confidence is a result of acquiring knowledge, mastering a skill, and gaining experience. Getting the facts lessens the intensity of fear by making things seem less scary and more preventable. Mastering a skill, whether public speaking or job interviewing, shifts your focus from fear of failing to active coping. Finally, the more experience, direct or vicarious, you gain, the less of a barrier to success fear becomes.

5. They overprepare without overreacting.

Fearless people don’t spend time worrying about the worst-case scenario—they prepare for it. They make a plan, and they have a backup plan. They overprepare without overreacting, obsessing, or ruminating.

In Chapman University survey, more than 50 percent of respondents stated that they were very afraid they would experience a natural or manmade disaster in their lifetime, and 86 percent believed that preparing ahead of time (e.g., putting together an emergency kit) would increase their odds of survival significantly. Yet, only one in four had actually made any efforts to prepare for such an event. Imagine how much more scared those three out of four people will be when the Weather Channel outlines the path of a powerful hurricane.

6. They take action despite their fear, not because of it.

Ultimately, what determines the outcomes you achieve in life are the actions you do or do not take. And fear will interfere. Fear-engineered actions range from tackling what scares you head on to working through it despite your fear. Fearless people strategize. They plan and evaluate their actions. They know when to push forward and when to pull back. They know what risks are worth taking and which ones they should avoid. And when things get out of hand.

7. They are not afraid to ask for help.

Despite its incredible evolutionary value, fear is not a fun feeling. It is an inherently unpleasant experience that causes physical discomfort, emotional distress, and mental turmoil.

When a person doesn’t deal with fear properly, it can become pathological. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, almost one out of five adults will suffer from an anxiety disorder in a given year. The psychiatric literature reports over 100 phobias, disorders which manifest in a persistent and irrational fear of objects or situations.

Fearless people know when to seek help. When a worry becomes excessive and anxiety interferes with daily life, it is time to consult a professional.

This is the last of a three-part series on fear. Be sure to read Part One and Part Two as well.

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We all have fear – it’s an emotion that’s as normal as breathing.

The problem is that most people cling to their fears, and are therefore unable to move forward in their lives with necessary change.

I have learned a lot about fear in my life as a professional musician, and I’ve learned that the only difference between people who achieve greatness and those who do not is that the former ditched their fear. Many of the methods I have used to prepare for huge performances have helped me to conquer fear in other areas of life.

Here’s how you can start overcoming fear:
1. Be aware of fear in your life. Before you can begin overcoming fear, you have to admit that you have it. Perhaps fear is your “normal” state of being, and that is quite a bit to overcome all at once. Write down some aspects of your life where have fear; getting them down on paper is important, because trying to simply think them through never works.

2. Stare at fearless people. Fill your brain with images of what you want your “future self” to look like. Connect with as many role models as you can, whether in person, through a book, or online. Use these examples as an energy source to combat your fear.

3. Be objective. Take an interest in investigating your fears. Ask yourself about what thoughts generate your fear, where you feel the fear, and how you react to it. Try to be an objective observer of your own life.

4. Be willing to look stupid. Remember: Wayne Gretzky fell on his tail a ton, and Itzhak Perlman has had horrible performances. Once you are willing to risk the emotional pain of making mistakes, you will shed more fear than you ever imagined. Know that making mistakes will help you obtain information you use to create the correct behaviors, and that everyone who has ever done something great has failed more than once.

5. Adopt a mindset of gratitude. Whenever you feel fear, try to feel grateful instead. I have been performing a lot of solos recently, and it is scary! Instead of freaking out, I have decided to be grateful for the opportunity to communicate musically with so many people, and I know that they are there to genuinely listen to me play and root me on.

6. Seek out teachers. It’s never too late to have a teacher; we are never done learning. Seek out someone who scares you a little—not a polite person who always makes you feel warm and fuzzy. Seek out someone who watches you closely, is brutally honest, and gives clear directions on how you can get better at whatever scares you.

7. Share. How often do we hold the negative in because we are afraid of how others might react? Sharing helps, because you will realize that many people feel the same way as you do, and have stories to share as well. Do you have a fear of success, or a fear of failure? Sharing with someone can help you examine what you truly want from life, and where your fears come from.

8. Embrace struggle. Most of us instinctively avoid struggle, because it feels like failure, and that scares us, but the term “no pain, no gain” holds true. To develop our skills, it is a necessity that we struggle, so we must embrace it. Once we struggle, fear slowly disintegrates.

9. Read. My personal favorite. Reading a good book related to your specific fear can open new doors on how you can get rid of it. I constantly fill my world with motivational and inspirational books on, and related to, the topic I’m dealing with.

10. Use visualization. Imagine yourself in a scary situation without fear. Watch people do things fearlessly that would normally freak you out. Visualize yourself as that person. Create a very clear picture of fearlessness in your mind.

11. Put things in perspective. Putting your negative thoughts in perspective is a huge way to overcome fear. In the grand scheme of life, why are you afraid? While you are freaking out about something, life is moving on without you. Sometimes it’s helpful to remember this.

12. Release control. Of course we want to be in control, but when we relinquish it we tend to free ourselves up. Allow yourself to make mistakes—after all, that’s where learning and growth really happens. We learn from our failures, but to fail we need to release control.

13. Think about the worst case scenario. What’s the worst that could happen? I have crumbled on stage in front of hundreds of people. My wife still loved me; I lived. Life goes on.

14. Look within. What is the root of your fear? Meditate on it. Look inside and ask yourself when the fear started: How far back does your fear go? Did you have an early failure that has stuck with you? Explore it. That’s what life is all about.

Overcoming fear requires a growth mindset; an attitude that we can grow and change if we choose. Nothing is “locked in” forever; we can change. It takes time and practice. Hopefully the tips above will help you begin your journey to ditch fear.

A philosophical cure for fear and anxiety.

Posted Jan 06, 2020

THE BASICS

“Anxiety” said the philosopher Søren Kierkegaard, “is the dizziness of freedom.” What could he have meant by that?

Anxiety can be defined as “a state consisting of psychological and physical symptoms brought about by a sense of apprehension at a perceived threat.”

Fear is similar to anxiety, except that with fear, the threat is, or is perceived to be, more concrete, present, or imminent.

Fear and anxiety can, of course, be a normal response to life experiences, protective mechanisms that have evolved to prevent us from entering into potentially dangerous situations and to help us escape from them should they befall us regardless.

For example, anxiety can prevent us from coming into close contact with disease-carrying or poisonous animals, such as rats, snakes, and spiders, from engaging with a much stronger or angrier enemy, and even from declaring our undying love to someone who is unlikely to spare our feelings.

If we do find ourselves caught in a potentially dangerous situation, the fight-or-flight response triggered by fear can help us to mount an appropriate response by priming our body for action and increasing our performance and stamina.

In short, the purpose of fear and anxiety is to protect us from harm and, above all, to preserve us from death—whether literal or figurative, biological or psychosocial.

On the other hand, severe or inappropriate anxiety can be maladaptive, preventing us from doing the sorts of things that most people take for granted, such as leaving the house or even our bedroom. I once treated a patient with an anxiety disorder who, to avoid ever having to leave his bedroom, urinated into a bottle and defaecated into a plastic bag.

Such pathological anxiety is very common and often presents in one or more distinct patterns or syndromes, such as phobia, panic disorder, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

As with the adaptive forms, these pathological forms of anxiety can be interpreted in terms of life and death. Common phobias such as arachnophobia (spiders), ophidiophobia (snakes), acrophobia (heights), achluophobia (darkness), and brontophobia (storms) are all for the sorts of dangers that commonly threatened our ancestors. Today, man-made hazards such as motor cars and electric cables are much more likely to strike us, but most phobias remain for natural dangers, presumably because man-made hazards are too recent to have imprinted themselves onto our genome.

Panic disorder involves recurrent panic attacks during which symptoms of anxiety are so severe that the person fears that he or she is suffocating, having a heart attack, or losing control. Very soon, the person develops a fear of the panic attacks themselves, which in turn sets off further panic attacks. A vicious cycle takes hold, with the panic attacks becoming ever more frequent and severe and even occurring “out of the blue.”

As with phobias, the ulterior fear in panic disorder is of death and dying, as it is also with PTSD, which is a reaction to a traumatic life event, such as a car crash or physical or sexual assault. Common symptoms of PTSD include anxiety, of course, but also numbing, detachment, flashbacks, nightmares, and loss of memory for the traumatic event.

The symptoms of PTSD vary significantly from one culture to another, so much so that PTSD is sometimes thought of as a “culture-bound syndrome.” Culture-bound syndromes are essentially culture-specific anxiety disorders, which, again, like all anxiety disorders, can easily be understood in terms of life and death.

Dhat, for example, seen in South Asian men, involves a sudden fear about the loss of semen in the urine, whitish discoloration of the urine, and sexual dysfunction, accompanied by feelings of weakness and exhaustion. Dhat may be rooted in the old Hindu belief that it takes 40 drops of blood to create a drop of bone marrow, and 40 drops of bone marrow to create a drop of semen, and thus that semen is a concentrated essence of life.

In addition to fear and anxiety and their pathological forms (such as phobias, panic disorder, etc.), there is a more abstract or philosophical form of anxiety that has been called “existential anxiety.” While fear and anxiety and their pathological forms are grounded in threats to life, existential anxiety is rooted in the brevity and apparent meaninglessness or absurdity of life, that is, in a kind of metaphorical death.

As I argue in my new book, Heaven and Hell: The Psychology of the Emotions, existential anxiety is so disturbing that most people avoid it at all costs, constructing a false reality out of goals, aspirations, habits, customs, values, culture, and religion in a bid to deceive themselves that their lives are special and meaningful and that death is distant or delusory.

Unfortunately, such self-deception comes at a heavy price. According to the philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, people who refuse to face up to “non-being” are acting in “bad faith” and living out a life that is inauthentic and unfulfilling.

Facing up to non-being can bring insecurity, loneliness, responsibility, and, consequently, anxiety, but it can also bring a sense of calm, freedom, and even nobility. Far from being pathological, existential anxiety is a necessary transitional phase, a sign of health, strength, and courage, and a harbinger of bigger and better things to come.

For the philosopher and theologian Paul Tillich, refusing to face up to non-being leads not only to inauthenticity, as Sartre had said, but also to pathological (or neurotic) anxiety.

In The Courage to Be, Tillich writes:

He who does not succeed in taking his anxiety courageously upon himself can succeed in avoiding the extreme situation of despair by escaping into neurosis. He still affirms himself but on a limited scale. Neurosis is the way of avoiding nonbeing by avoiding being.

According to this striking outlook, pathological anxiety, although seemingly grounded in threats to life, in fact, arises from repressed existential anxiety, which itself arises from our uniquely human capacity for self-consciousness.

Facing up to non-being enables us to put our life into perspective, see it in its entirety, and thereby lend it a sense of direction and unity. If the ultimate source of anxiety is fear of the future, the future ends in death; and if the ultimate source of anxiety is uncertainty, death is the only certainty.

It is only by facing up to death, accepting its inevitability, and integrating it into a life that we can escape from the pettiness and paralysis of anxiety, and, in so doing, free ourselves to make, and get, the most out of our lives.

This esoteric understanding is what I have come to call “the philosophical cure for fear and anxiety.”

JP Sartre (1946), Existentialism Is a Humanism.

If you were to look up fearless, in the dictionary, you will see that it’s defined as an adjective that means to be without fear; to be bold or brave; intrepid. When it comes to fearlessness, I find that there are usually two kinds of people. There are those that are perfectly happy following rules and paths that were set by someone else. They go with the flow in every aspect of their life ensuring that they don’t “rock the boat” in anyway to have a calm, predictable yet fulfilling life. The other group of people will flip the boat all the way over in order to find their true happiness even though it’s the “road less traveled” and has unknown results.

How can you become more fearless during life’s challenges?

Fear is probably one of the most powerful feelings we possess. Think about it…what keeps you at a job for 10 years when you knew that you despised it after 2 years?? It was the fear of not being able to find another job that will actually make you happy while paying the bills. What keeps people in a longterm relationship despite the fact that they hate coming home because they have to see him or her? I’ll tell you…it’s the fear that you won’t find anyone else which means you will be alone and miserable for the rest of your life. Fear controls so much of what we do simply because the fear of the unknown is too much to bear. Especially if what you have been doing is working.

Too much of life is spent worry about things that will never happen…

Most of my life was spent living in fear. Sitting in a cubicle at the same job for over 13 years knowing that it would lead to nothing but a steady paycheck. Afraid to apply for a nicer car than the one that I was driving because I was afraid to be declined by the bank. Fearful of submitting an application to be a fitness trainer because I was afraid they wouldn’t think I was “fit enough” (even though I spend hours weekly exercising). Staying in a unhealthy, miserable relationship because I was too afraid of what would happen after breaking up with him. Yep, fear controlled every single part of my life. Until one day, out of the blue, I sat for a long while pondering, “what the hell am I so afraid of?”. The only answer that I came up with at the time was simply not knowing what could happen. That was it?! And just like that, I switched from being of afraid of everything to throwing fear right out the window and moving.

How to Become Fearless in Life

Being fearless doesn’t mean you’re not scared of anything. It just means that you are putting the fear to the side and doing it anyway. Fear can hold us back from living the life that we truly want to live. If you are ready to take a leap into “the fearless life”, take a look at these 7 tips that can help you get there:

1. Shake The Haters Off

Haters will hate and there’s nothing that you can do about it. You have to learn to not let others criticism of your choices, affect your path. Remain confident that you will accomplish the goals you’ve set, no matter what others think. Need help coming up with responses? Try these: “It’s nice of you to offer advice but I’m good. Thanks for offering!”

“Yes, I’m sure this is what I want to do”

“I’ve done my research and I’m on the path to fixing the issue”

“Thanks for the referral! I’ll be sure to contact him/her if I need help”

2. Keep Your Business To Yourself

Learning when to keep your business to yourself is so important. New business ideas can be so exciting that you can’t wait to share with others. But think before you speak. Unfortunately, telling everyone about your next move will only increase your fear because people love giving unsolicited advice. Which can lead to giving you doubt. Fear and doubt don’t work good together. As a matter of fact, they don’t belong together at all. Don’t tell people about you new ideas, plans, or goals until you have gotten to a point where they can see it happening. Keep your mouth closed and let your actions do the talking.

3. If At First You Don’t Succeed, Dust Yourself Off And Try Again

Trial and error will be an effective tool in your fearless life. Understand that somethings you attempt may not work out the first time. Whether you are opening a new business or moving across the world, there will be challenges. The key is to find a way to overcome them, learn from them and continue on your path.

4. Realize You Aren’t Beyonce, Boo

Social media has its benefits and drawbacks, for sure. Who doesn’t enjoy scrolling through IG pics of Bey shopping at the finest stores and opening successful businesses with the most perfect family that you have ever seen. But who the heck knows what’s going on when the camera is off and the filters aren’t added?! Remember, everyone is different and will have a different path. Breaking your bank account to follow her style and taking trips around the world won’t make you Beyonce, boo! If you are constantly comparing yourself to others, you will never find your fearless life path. The only difference between the “successful” people and you is their drive and determination. YOU are YOU…be confident in that. Find your own path to follow and let it take you wherever YOU want to go.

5. Understand There Are No Do-Overs

It may sound cliche but the real truth is that you only live once, there are no second chances or do-overs. If you plan on being fearless then you should make the most of absolutely every opportunity that presents itself and is aligned with your goals. If you have the opportunity that you can’t pass up comes along…DON’T!

6. Think—What’s The Worst That Can Happen?

Taking risks for a bigger reward is definitely scary but what’s the worst that can happen? You may be told, “no” and you may even have to try something else. Last I checked, no one died from hearing the word “no” or from failing at something.

7. Daydream

When fear comes up, one of the first thoughts that pop into our head is probably all of the bad things and/or obstacles you might face. But you have to re-train the way you think. Focus on how great life will be once you do it! The satisfaction you will feel by starting your own business, the free time you will have with your family by taking a less demanding job, the freedom you will feel after selling all of your things and living in a tiny house in the middle of woods. It will all be worth it!

Be confident in who you are, what you can achieve in your quest to live fearlessy in happiness. Keep these tips in mind throughout your journey. They are sure to assist you along the way.

Remember, never give up on something you want. It may be difficult to fight through and wait but it will be even more difficult to regret.

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How To Be Fearless

Brought to you by the learning designers and experience curators at The Change School, our How to be Fearless retreat is tailored to anyone who feels that fear is standing in the way of their greatness.

Is doubt preventing you from seeing your full potential? Are you ready to face your fears in order to lunge forward? Fear is just a call to be courageous “ to take action with clarity and confidence in spite of any doubts.

To live fearlessly is to manage negative self-talk, master self-doubt and eventually overcome the thing that scares us the most. Whether you fear failure, judgment, or disappointment, designing a fearless life is deciding to move forward anyway. Challenge your own limits and breakthrough your boundaries by embarking on a journey of reflection, learning and taking action.

Our 5 day, 4 night immersive retreat will give you the space, tools and confidence to identify, confront, challenge, embrace, overcome and smash your fears. Allowing you to define what you’re really afraid of, eliminate destructive self-habits, learn to challenge your inner fear and craft a new narrative and action plan to move forward.

Example Agenda

• Breakfast
• Morning Meditations, Group Check-In and Daily briefing
• Structured Journaling
• Workshop/Activity
• Lunch
• Change School Session/How to be Fearless Excursion
• Dinner
• Personal Time

Outcomes

Key things you will leave with as an individual:

• Clarity of your greatest fears, what is standing in your way to greatness?
• New perspectives, methods and tools for facing and overcoming your fears
• Personalised mission statement, roadmap and action plan for Fearless Life By Design
• Renewed confidence, courage and connection to yourself and your true potential
• A support system and community of like-minds

Who Should Come?

Our How to be Fearless retreat is ideal for anyone who:

• Is ready to go from good to great
• Knows the only thing standing in their way is themselves
• Has a fear of not trying, which is greater than a fear of messing up
• Is ready to confront and overcome their greatest fears
• Is committed to reaching their potential and in need of an extra nudge to get there

Whats Included?

• Accommodation in the beautiful setting of Koh Samui (twin or queen options available)
• Two-way airport transfers
• All meals
• Facilitated workshops, discussions and reflective peer circles
• 2 Yoga sessions
• A Fearless excursion
• Fearless Life By Design toolkit
• 1x post program virtual check-in to keep you on the Fearless track

Our next How to be Fearless retreat is taking place between 11 – 15 June 2017 (5D/4N) at the gorgeous Absolute Sanctuary in Koh Samui, Thailand.

Cost: $2000 (twin, shared room), $2300 (queen, single occupancy)

Become fearless can boost our self-awareness and confidence. We all have some kind of fear in our mind. It is a totally normal situation. But the issue is, if you avoid obstacles and escape from life-changing opportunities, you will never become the greatest version of yourself.

What is the fear?

Before you become fearless, you have to understand the fear. In here, we only talk about fears related to our life decisions and social interaction.

So fear is a stage of our behavior. When we try to do some uncomfortable or challenging thing, our mind tries to make excuses and give fearful feelings. Also, our heartbeat goes up, and starts to sweat. Our brain keeps trying to avoid that situation by making those kinds of chemical reaction in our body.

This is the simple explanation for fear, and it all about a mind game.

There have a lot of fears,

Why should you become fearless?

As I told before, you will miss life-changing opportunities if you didn’t face your fears.

So if you become fearless, you will able to be the better version of yourself, not only that, it will help to boost your confidence and get the thing that you want.

If you are a nice guy, that means you have a lot of fears. So if you try to become fearless you will be able to become alpha male.

Also, you have to understand. You will not be 100% fearless. We all have to face a lot of challenges and obstacles in our lifetime. So fears will grow inside your mind without you know about it.

So we can only cut off the fears that avoid our path of success.

Identify Your Fears

If you want to fearless, you have to identify your fear. When you have a clear understanding of your fear, you will get the reason for the fear.

So you can analyze those reasons and find solutions to those reasons. As an example, if you are afraid to talk with your boss and ask salary increment. That means there has a reason.

It may be you are not working correctly, and complete tasks before the deadline or your boss always try to control you. Maybe he does not like you. Or you may think if you request a salary increment, your boss will fire you.

So now you have a clear reason for your fear. That means, now you can find a solution to those fears. So if you think your boss will fire you, you can ready to find a new job or you can go to interviews and find a better job opportunity. Then you can ask the salary increment.

If your boss doesn’t agree with salary increment, you can quit the job. Or if your boss fired you, you don’t need to worry because now you have a new job.

So that means you overcome your fear of judgment. So you are no longer afraid to talk with your boss.

Always find the reason for the fear. When you find the reason, you can find the solution and overcome the fear.

Face your fears

Even you find the solution to fear, that fear will not go away until you face the fear. So if you want to overcome any fear, there has only one way, that is,

No matter what happened, try to face your fear without overthinking.

You will feel so uncomfortable when you try to face your fear. But you will be so released after you face it.

Also, you have to stop overthinking. Our mind always tries to find comfort situation. So it makes a lot of excuses to avoid the challenging situation.

That means we overthink and try to avoid those situations without facing them. So if you stuck with overthinking, just try to stop making excuses and do the work.

If you fear for something, finds the reason for fear and face the fear. That is the only way to overcome any type of fear.

I hope you get valuable information in this article. Thank you for reading. Feel free to read more self-improvement articles. I will see you next time.

In this post, we may use links to the products we find helpful or cute.

FEAR… It’s always lurking around.

Always looking for another option to stop you, scare you and prevent you from doing things that could be good for you or your situation.

I think it’s safe to think that fear can be one of the most limiting things in our life…

If you’re constantly afraid of things in your life, this is something you must read.

Why Do We Fear

When you think well, fear itself is not a bad thing. It’s our inherited self-protection mechanism that has a sole purpose – to protect you from potential danger.

When we witness something that is scary, the part of our brain that is responsible for the fear response (Amygdala) activates and then adrenalin, cortisol, and other stress hormones rush right into your bloodstream.

These hormones aren’t, in fact, bad! They activate your body, increase your focus and utilize all of your system for the best performance because your body thinks that you have either fight your danger or flight your danger. Everything by the plan…

The problem with this is that this self-protection system came from those times when people still had to fight big animals and fight for their survival FOR REAL. Think of it – if you see a huge tiger approaching, you only have two options – fight or run.

But now the times have drastically changed and we don’t have to fight predators – we are generally safe. Yet when we perceive something as dangerous, this self-protection system still activates and leaves you shaking and trembling with fear.

And hey – I didn’t just make it all up. You can read about it here or if you’re up for an extensive scientific study on fear, Amygdala and body responses to fear stimuli, read this research.

It’s a hard read but it’s a nice challenge to read such studies! I do it both for knowledge and fun 😃 You should try it too, it could be your next favorite thing, who knows.

How Our Daily Life Creates Fear

Now that you know why we feel fear, it might be easier for you to understand why we feel so much fear in our life. Whenever you see something scary or THINK of something scary, your brain thinks that you’re in danger, even though that “danger” might be imagined, or not happening at the exact moment.

For example, when you see a bill that you don’t have enough money to pay for, you start to imagine what will happen if you didn’t pay for it and you start to feel fear. Or when you see people getting sick with cancer, you may think that this will happen to you to and this creates fear again.

There can be, of course, real situations when you feel fear. For example, if you’re witnessing people fighting, it can create fear because you don’t feel safe and can’t predict how this fight will end.

And there can be situations when someone is threatening you personally. At these times, it is helpful to remember that fear is not your enemy. It will help you get back to safety!

Of course, I am not a self-defense instructor, so this article is not about emergency situations. Instead, I want to show you how to be mentally fearless in your life so you can feel live a free, brave, happy and fulfilling life! Here’s how you can break all those limits that fear has created in your life.

How To Be Fearless In Your Life: 3 Things To Know

1) Accept That Life Is Full Of Dangers

I’m sorry if this sentence itself creates fear in your heart. It does make me feel a little uneasy too… But if you want to be fearless in your life, you must stop hiding from the fact that there is more or less danger in everyone’s life. It’s not just rainbows, butterflies and sparkles.

However, constantly thinking about “what could happen if..” is a straight way to depression because neither can you predict everything that will happen nor can you be prepared for every possible outcome.

Instead, trust that if anything happens, you will survive. You will find the best solution or things will sort themselves out, one way or another. Whatever has to happen, will happen, and you will be OK, no matter what. Plus, it’s not like everything you do must end in a bad way… Which leads me to the next point.

2) You’re NOT Doomed To Have Something Bad Happen

People who have anxiety or are generally overworked by problematic life can start to think that their life will forever be bad. And this, of course, makes them scared of everything.

I used to be one of those people. I had so many problems in my early twenties that it made me think I will never get out. I thought that I will never be happy because one problem seemed to follow another and it felt like I’m living in Dante’s Inferno, going from one hell level to another. Fear was my everyday companion and I started to dread tomorrows – it always felt like something bad is going to happen again.

But guess what, time goes by and at some point, things change, as they always do. I somehow managed to survive despite all of those problems. And the key thing that helped me, and can help you too is to tackle that one key player in the whole story – anxiety.

If you want to be fearless in your life, get rid of your anxiety and especially – the thought that you’re doomed to have something bad happen in your life.

No one is “cursed” to have a bad life. Even if you’re stuck in a season of bad situations, it does not mean that you will constantly be experiencing bad situations in the future. Once you stop expecting and anticipating things to go wrong, you will start to enjoy life as it is and there will be a lot less fear in your life.

3) Embrace Change & Be Open To Possibilities

Change is another thing that can create fear in your life because it usually involves a lot of uncertainty.

For example, you might be afraid to lose your job, because you’re not sure if you can find another.

You might be afraid to end a toxic relationship because you’re uncertain if this is the best thing to do.

Heck, you might even be afraid to change your hairstyle because you’re uncertain if you will really like it.

However, being afraid of change means you’re staying and stagnating at the same place forever. Your fear of change can keep you safe in the comfort zone but it also makes you miss out on a lot of beautiful opportunities.

So whenever a change is happening in your life, embrace it and think of it as a gamble that might go a little wrong, but might as well give you a jackpot.

*Note – if you’re absolutely 100% sure that the change will go wrong, don’t just watch it all unfold. Do what’s possible to improve or prevent negative change. Take the wheel in your hands and don’t allow your fear to paralyze you. If there’s absolutely nothing you can do to prevent negative change, accept it as soon as you can. It doesn’t make sense to fight something that’s inevitable. It just creates more pain.

As you can see, a little fear can be actually beneficial to you. It helps you to be safe.

But life, even though scary, big and unpredictable, is still meant to be enjoyed. Time flies really fast and the sooner you memorize these three things, the sooner you will learn how to be fearless in your life.

So let’s be brave, happy, strong and free of those fearful thoughts. F*ck fear! I’m not afraid to say it.

An inspiring book by an inspiring leader. Jean Case has been in the arena as a technology pioneer and philanthropist, and this book is full of stories and advice to embolden you to take bolder risks and have bigger impact.

Are you ready to change the world? Be Fearless is a call to action if you strive to lead an extraordinary life and make a difference.

Stay in the know. Get Be Fearless updates via email.

Weaving together storytelling, practical tips and inspiration to show that fearlessness is not lack of fear but the courage to overcome it, Be Fearless provides a clear roadmap to anyone seeking transformational breakthroughs in life or work.

Throughout Be Fearless, Jean vividly illustrates these principles through storytelling—from her own transformational life experiences, to Jane Goodall’s remarkable breakthroughs in understanding and protecting chimpanzees, to celebrity chef José Andrés’ decision to be a “first responder” and take his kitchen to the sites of devastating hurricanes to feed the hungry, to Bryan Stevenson’s ambitious efforts to end incarceration inequities, and more. She shares new insights to stories you might think you know—like AirBnB’s tale of starting from scratch to transform the hospitality industry, to John F. Kennedy’s history-making moonshot—and gems from changemakers you’ve never heard of.

These stories, alongside practical tips and inspiration, provide readers with the tools they need to put the Be Fearless principles to work and to change the world.

Make Big Bets & Make History

People can be naturally cautious. They look at what’s worked in the past and try to do more of it, but history-making transformation happens when people strive for revolutionary change.

Be Bold, Take Risks

Have the courage to try new, unproven things and the rigor to continue experimenting. Risk taking isn’t a blind leap, but a process of trial and error.

Make Failure Matter

No one seeks out failure, but if you’re trying new things, the outcome is uncertain. Great innovators make setbacks matter, applying lessons learned and sharing them with others.

Reach Beyond Your Bubble

Innovation happens at intersections. Great and original solutions come from engaging with people with diverse experiences to forge unexpected partnerships.

Let Urgency Conquer Fear

Don’t overthink it. It’s natural to want to study all angles of a problem, but don’t get caught up in the fear of what could go wrong—allow the need to act to outweigh doubts.

If you want to change the world, it helps to be fearless. And if you need a dose of courage, I recommend this powerful collection of stories, evidence, and optimism. Jean Case draws on research and personal experience to provide change-makers with moral support and practical guidance.

Melinda Gates, Co-chair Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation

Jean Case has done what many before her have tried but been unable to achieve: break down the essential qualities and principles that drive success. Her book tells us in no uncertain terms what it takes to break through in an increasingly crowded world of ideas. With legitimately surprising research and compelling stories, Be Fearless inspires us all to take risks we usually wouldn’t, conquer the fears that get in our way, and lead a fulfilling life of clear purpose and maximum impact.

Eric Schmidt, Former Executive Chairman, Google and Alphabet

The stories in this book will inspire and motivate you to be brave and bold in unconventional ways. Jean Case creates a narrative of testimonies that can guide you through any challenge or roadblock. Confronting the status quo can intimidate many, however Be Fearless provides antidotes from thought leaders, entrepreneurs, and everyday people who have defied all odds.

Mellody Hobson, President, Ariel Investments

Through compelling storytelling, Jean Case shows how bold decision-making and acts of fearlessness have transformed the world. “Be Fearless” stresses one of the most critical components of successful entrepreneurship: discomfort. Her very useful roadmap shows budding entrepreneurs how to think independently and move beyond their comfort zone. Starting a business is not easy, but “Be Fearless” gives entrepreneurs the tools they need to embark—fearlessly—on their own journey.

Tory Burch, Designer & CEO of Tory Burch

When the going gets tough, crack open Be Fearless for a jolt of examples of how entrepreneurs and leaders have broken through and to be inspired to keep pushing forward on your own journey to change the world.

Brad Feld, Entrepreneur and Venture Capitalist at Foundry Group

I wish I had Jean Case’s Be Fearless by my side when we were starting Warby Parker. For anyone looking to make a change, start a company, or change the world, Be Fearless provides both the inspiration and tools to make a real impact.

Neil Blumenthal, Co-Founder, Warby Parker

When you read Be Fearless you will see it is clear that Jean Case knows a thing or two about being fearless, making big bets, being bold and taking risks. Whether it is in her role as the first female Chairman of the National Geographic Society in its 131-year history of global exploration, as CEO of the Case Foundation, which invests in people and ideas that can change the world, or her extensive career in the private sector, including her leadership role at America Online, Inc. where she was a senior executive directing the marketing and branding as AOL brought the internet to the masses, fearlessness has always been a core tenet of Jean’s work.

As a philanthropist, investor and internet and impact investing pioneer, Jean advocates for the importance of embracing a more fearless approach to innovation and bringing about transformational breakthroughs. In addition to the roles noted above, Jean currently serves on the boards of National Geographic Partners and the White House Historical Association, as well as on the advisory boards of the Brain Trust Accelerator Fund and Georgetown University’s Beeck Center for Social Impact and Innovation. She was elected to the American Academy of Arts and Sciences in 2016 and has received honorary degrees from Indiana University and George Mason University. Be Fearless: 5 Principles for a Life of Breakthroughs and Purpose is her first book.

How to Be Fearless – When we use the word fear we normally apply it to situations where we wrongly or rightly predict that we are at risk of harm.

For example standing on the edge of a tall building generates a sensation of fear and anxiety so we become acutely aware of what could happen if we act inappropriately in those situations. We are can be afraid before a job interview because we have become attached to an outcome and don’t want to experience rejection followed by the loss of that outcome. However, fear isn’t always this obvious or dramatic but it can still be hugely limiting in our life.

When people go on a diet they start out with good intentions and a disparate desire to improve the way they look and feel. An honorable pursuit, but why do nearly 95% of them not only end up putting back on all the weight they lost plus and additional few pounds for good measure? The answer is fear, at the start of the diet the pain of looking in the mirror or not being able to squeeze into their favorite denim any more created low level fear.

How to Be Fearless

For example ‘what if I just keep getting bigger’, ‘what if I have nothing to wear at the party’, ‘what if they start calling me names at school’ etc. So, we start the diet motivated to move our chubby body away from the fear. Then we lose a bit of weight and the original fear subsides but it is often replaced by a new concern.

You see, we enjoy our tasty treats and takeaways in front of a good movie. Suddenly we feel like we are depriving ourselves of some of the fun bits of life. We fear that if we carry on being strict with ourselves we are going to be short changed by life and have less fun. Thus begins the yo-yo diet routine that dominates the life of so many.

Fear is only the graffiti scribbled on the outer walls of your comfort zone. Most people read it and turn back to safety – a handful ignore it and start running towards the wall instead of away from it.

How to be fearless is your guide to a whole new way of thinking. A paradigm shift so far only mastered by the top 1% of society. The knowledge in this book is considered so profound that it will affect every aspect of your life from your career, relationships, health and happiness.

You will be able to quickly identify areas of your life that have been held back by fear and use the tools and exercises to smash through your old barriers and start to live the life of your dreams. Grand claims and thousands of people just like you are testimony to the effectiveness of this amazing book.

• How to be fearless in 3 easy steps.
• Breaking through your comfort zone.
• The 5 signs that it is time to take action.
• How to become powerfully confident.
• Escape the Average Joe/Jane world and join the elite 1%

Photo credit: Wikipedia

Get diagnosed with breast cancer, and you learn a lot about yourself.

You reprioritize, reevaluate, reexamine.

And if you’re lucky, you learn how to be fearless.

TIP #1: Stop working.

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The week I’m supposed to have surgery, I tell all the people I work for that I can’t work that week. I can hardly stand to say this because I work all the time, and when I’m not working, I think about working, or I think about why I’m not working, or I think about why I feel so guilty when I’m not working.

I tell some of my clients I will not be available that week at all, but with others I hint that maybe if there is a terrible emergency, I will be available. Who knows? Maybe I’ll be back to work the very next day.

I try to think about the last time I took a week off from work, but I can’t remember.

Maybe in 2009, when I was a full-time editor, but instead of doing nothing, I went to Los Angeles and wrote a 10,000-word investigation of the recession and the adult movie industry.

TIP #2: Get high.

The day of the surgery, I don’t know what to expect because I have never had surgery before.

If you give me something to do as a journalist that’s high-risk — hang out with armed drug dealers, interview a pimp, wait while a porn star smokes crack in the bathroom — I have no problem. There is a certain point, I’ve found, where if the challenge is great enough, I become eerily calm.

This is not that. This is someone using a scalpel to open my chest and remove a tumor from my breast, then open an area just below my armpit to extract several lymph nodes. What will they find? Will I wake up? How will I feel afterwards?

At the hospital, a nurse stick an IV in my arm and hands me a pill. They roll me downstairs on a bed with wheels and inject a dye in me that will reveal if the lymph nodes are cancerous or not. They roll me back upstairs.

Several hours later, they roll me downstairs again. In a small room, they mash my breast into a mammography machine and stick needles in my breast that will help show the surgeon the location of the tumor. I see myself reflected in the partition behind which everyone else hides while they take images of my breast. My head is turned at a hard angle, pressed against the side of the machine. Something is running out of my punctured breast. Blood? Blue dye? I am unsure. They roll me upstairs again.

Finally, it’s time for surgery. The Xanax or Valium has worn off, and I just want to get it over with. A bunch of people crowd into the room, and everyone is wearing scrubs. I initial a piece of paper, and a woman who looks like she could be a model but is holding a syringe sticks the needle into the IV. Suddenly, everything is awesome. I ask her what the drug is, but whatever it is I can’t understand, and I really don’t care.

They roll me back downstairs, past green-tiled walls, into a room where trays are stacked with metal tools, and stop next to the operating table. I am stoned out of my mind. Everything is fine. Everything is cool. Everything is reasonable. I wish I could spend every day stoned out of my mind, make all important decisions stoned out of my mind, stop worrying about everything because I am stoned out of my mind. Unfortunately, I am a writer, and this isn’t practical, but it is a pleasant idea.

They slide me from the bed onto the operating table, I register what the operating table feels like, and the lights go out.

TIP #3: Give up control.

I’m a control freak. That’s why breast cancer is good for me. I am not in control of cancer. I can’t even see it. That means I have to rely on other people to help me. This is my worst nightmare, and the best thing that ever happened to me.

In the recovery area, I come to sitting up and talking. The world is skipping.

“Is that going to stop at some point?” I ask the nurse.

Yes, the nurse says.

In another room, I eat some crackers and drink some fluids. My husband appears. I realize I have no recollection of anything that happened after they put me on the operating table. Prior to surgery, I did not like this idea. Something will have happened, and I will not recall it. How can I control what I do not remember?

Instead, this not-memory is akin to a spiritual revelation. Something traumatic has happened — the body opened up, examined, excised — but there is no file in my memory bank for it. I have spent too much of my life ruminating on everything — my life, my career, my choices — but in this case rumination is impossible, a moot point, the end.

In front of the hospital, I stand up from the wheelchair, and my knees wobble. I go home. I get better. I decide I should work less, worry less, think less. I start moving forward.

Two weeks after my surgery, we go to the dog beach. I stand at the water’s edge and watch my husband throw tennis balls that land far out in the water. The dogs bound through the shallow water, retrieve the balls, and bring them back. My husband throws the ball. The dogs go after it. Out and back, out and back, out and back.

For most of us, upping your Zen game isn’t just about living in a state of bliss and having a clear and empty mind.

You and I aren’t monks living on a mountain top, with endless days and nights to develop our inner most peace whilst we hone our spiritual mastery towards enlightenment. Hell no.

We are urbanites, dealing with a thousand and one #firstworldproblems. But still, we can work towards a kind of urban enlightenment.

I’ve coined the term Urban Enlightenment to simply mean that in spite of our super busy, crazy lives, we can still strive to have more confidence (here I mean having true confidence that comes from knowing yourself, and being totally, utterly cool with that), having less stress, and to feel amazing.

One core element which feeds into all three of these categories (more confidence, less stress, feel amazing) is fearlessness.

When you are truly confident, you are free to act fearlessly. When you are no longer full of stress, doubts and worries, you are free, and hence you are fearless. And when you are fearless, you feel truly amazing. SWEET!

So given all of this, it’s no wonder when I recently read 50 Cent and Robert Greene’s book, The 50th Law, it was a TOTAL gamechanger for me. To be super clear, this book was actually released back in 2009, so you’ve probably already heard of it, or read it. I’m just a little late — okay like five years — to the party. But better now than never.

Even if you’re not a 50 fan please stay with me, because the insights and mindset expressed in this is book are GOLD.

Here are just four lessons on fearlessness, taken from The 50th Law:

Lesson 1. What is the 50th Law? What are the key characteristics of people who live according to this law?

The 50th Law is based on the notion that good and bad things happen to us in life, things which we don’t have much control over. But the one thing we can control, is our mindset in how we respond to these events.

. if we are able to overcome our anxieties and forge a fearless attitude towards life, something strange and remarkable can occur — that margin of control over circumstances increases . And the people who practice the 50th Law in their lives all share certain qualities- supreme boldness, unconventionality, fluidity, and a sense of urgency — that give them this unique ability to shape circumstance. (page 19)

Lesson 2. Why it doesn’t pay to be conservative, or a people pleaser.

[When you bring] your usual fears into any encounter, you narrow your options and your capacity to shape event s. Being conservative, for instance, can force you into a corner in which you are more likely to lose what you have in the long run because you also lose the capacity to quickly adapt to change. Trying so hard to please people can actually end up pushing people away — it is hard to respect someone who has such an ingratiating attitude. (page 21)

Lesson 3. Taking action in spite of your fear is the answer to being supremely powerful.

Being afraid of things is totally okay. But we can’t let our fears stop us from speaking up or taking action.

Here’s what 50 thinks:

The key to possessing this supreme power is to assume the active mode in dealing with your fears. This means entering the very arenas you normally shy away from: making the very hard decisions you have been avoiding, confronting the people who are playing power games with you, think of yourself and what you need instead of pleasing others, making yourself change the direction of your life even though such a change is the very thing you dread. (page 21)

WOW. How many people do we know like this? Doing the same thing, thinking the same ways, stuck in the same cycles because they are too afraid to make decisions and take actions to change their circumstances.

If this is you, maybe now is a good time to ask — is this how I really want to live the rest of whole life?

What fears are keeping you locked inside an invisible cage?

What life might you be able to lead, if you were to act in spite of your fears?

Lesson 4. Being unafraid to live with a sense of wonder and an open mind is essential for creating opportunities.

With time, our minds tend to close off. At some point, we feel like we know what we need to know; our opinions are certain and firm. We do this out of fear. We don’t want our assumptions about life challenged . What you need to do in life is return to that mind you possessed as a child, opening up to experience instead of closing it off. Just imagine for a day that you do not know anything, that what you believe could be completely false . See everything as a source of education . When you operate this way, you will notice that something strange happens. Opportunities will begin to fall into your lap because you are more receptive to them. Sometimes luck or serendipity is more a function of the openness of your mind. (page 40)

The stories and insights about 50 in this book are truly inspiring, but this book has nothing to do with rapping and everything to do with mindset.

So if you’d like to live in greater freedom with less fear, I seriously recommend you read this book and actively put your attention on living a more fearless life.

Hell, why not do something right now?

Now’s the perfect time to do that thing you’ve been putting off because it’s just too scary/overwhelming/unnerving/intimidating. Whatever.

Make that call. Tell that person. Look in that mirror.

Whatever is it — take action. Go hard. Be fearless.

There’s very little worse than the feeling of looking back and wishing you had been brave enough to face your fears. No one wants to live with the consequences of missing out – FOMO is a real thing. Everywhere we look, we are being told not to have regrets, but it’s human nature to wish we had done things differently. To look back and not think about all the ways you could have acted, you have to exhaust all possibilities.

To get what you want, there comes a time when you have to put doubt aside and become fearless. Here’s why!

You have to give it all or nothing

Doing things by halves never really gets you anywhere. 100% effort is what brings success, and there’s no space for fear to get in the way. Be inspired by the best of the best – here’s what successful people don’t do.

You might be fearful, but someone else won’t

Being filled with the sort of self-doubt that stops you from chasing your dreams will only mean one thing: someone else will get there first. While you’re too busy hiding in the shadows, it will no take no time at all for someone else to steal the limelight from you.

You will always feel a little scared

You can’t hide from fear. More often than not, the best things in life will completely petrify you, and that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with being scared of something, but there’s a lot wrong with letting it hold you back. You’ll get what you want when you learn to accept fear and do things anyway. These 10 career girls didn’t let anything stop the m!

You never know until you try

Often when we want something enough, we don’t hesitate to go after it. The problem comes when we aren’t too sure about what we want. In reality, a lot of the time we find inspiration in the most unlikely places, but we have to be completely fearless to reach those destinations. Take Michelle DePrince, a truly inspirational young woman who shows you can become successful no matter your background – to find out more about her, read our article.

P.S The Career Girl Daily App is now live! Download it now on iOS or Android!

Learn to conquer your fears before they conquer you

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it… The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” — Nelson Mandela

Do you want to know a secret?

You cannot become fearless.

Yes, that completely defeats the promise delivered in the headline, but hold on just one second.

Fear is not something you can escape, because fear is omnipresent. It’s like happiness, sadness, anger, and distress — there is no absence from fear, there is only the conquest of it. More specifically, fear is an emotion that lives in us, and it will only rise when we’re dealing with something we truly care about.

That’s because fear is an indicator of interest, and as per the words written in Steven Pressfield’s War of Art: “ Fear tells us what we have to do. The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it. If it means nothing to us, there’d be no Resistance.”

The question is then, not “how do you become fearless”; rather, “how do you conquer fear and not give in to it?” And it’s in understanding the subtle difference in those two questions that you truly can become “fearless.”

Fear is defined as “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.”

Fear is a belief.

It’s that voice in your head that’s saying: “No, you’re not good enough! No, you won’t succeed! No, what will others think of you?”

And those thoughts seep deep into your subconcious to transform into your beliefs, which, in turn, translate into your identity.

The reality of life is this: we all experience fear. We might not be able to run away from it, but we sure can decide not to hide from it — we can decide to conquer it.

So — how do you become fearless?

You lean into your biggest fear and take action towards it — you make fear your friend, not your enemy.

Once you do, once you overcome that resistance, once you face that fear and embrace it, every other fear in your world becomes irrelevant. You just downsized your biggest fear from a massive insurmountable mountain to a mere small step forward. You stared at your fear and said: “I’m going to crush you!”

And then, you did.

That’s how you become fearless.

You take an act of courage in the direction of your fear. Then you take another. And another. In due time, all other fears dwindle into an abyss of insignificance. You conquer your biggest fear once, you end up learning how to conquer all your fears forever.

1. Reframe fear into an equally intense emotion

In his book The Originals, Adam Grant mentions a study done at Harvard Business School where professor Alison Brooks asked students to deliver persuasive speeches in front of a judging panel. But with only two minutes to prepare, many students were “visibly shaking”.

To help them manage their fear, professor Brooks asked the students to speak three words out loud before they delivered their speech. She randomly assigned them to say either “I am calm” or “I am excited.”

This was the result:

“When students labeled their emotions as excitement, their speeches were rated as 17 percent more persuasive and 15 percent more confident than those of students who branded themselves calm. Reframing fear as excitement also motivated the speakers, boosting the average length of their speeches by 29 percent.”

The idea is this: Fear is an intense emotion; and rather than trying to suppress such a powerful emotion, what you need to do is befriend it and convert it into a different — but equally intense — emotion.

Author Susan Cain explains that “your stop system slows you down and makes you cautious and vigilant. Your go system revs you up and makes you excited.”

When it comes to fear, you want to activate your go system by channeling an emotion so strong that it matches the intensity of your fear. That’s how reframing fear into “excitement” can empower you to embrace your fear — and in doing so, conquer it.

2. Feed your Faith With a Contingency Plan

We’re always going to be faced with the decision of feeding our fear vs. feeding our faith. The question is — which one will you lean into?

One way to feed your faith is to ask yourself:

“What’s the worse that could happen?”

And once you’ve thought and journaled out what that would be, spend some time thinking of a contingency plan. This is how you think logically through fear and minimize the potential risk associated with the outcome of your action.

Prepare for the worst and acknowledge that you can handle it. This will fuel your faith and inflate your confidence to take action towards what you fear.

3. Act Without Hesitation

Author Napoleon Hill wrote:

“Fear can be effectively cured by forced repetition of acts of courage.”

Once you’ve reframed fear and channeled into a motivating emotion such as excitement, you now need to take action. You must take the leap — that’s the only way you can null the tension with your fear.

Set an intention, take the first step of action and repeat such acts of courage multiple times and you’ll ultimately become fearless.

A year ago I quit my job at Google because I was not satisfied with my role or the direction in which my life was headed. So I traveled with nothing but a backpack and freewill until I decided it was the right time to invest my savings into a business. So I did.

Was I afraid? I was terrified!

Of course, I had to battle these thoughts: “ What if I fail? What if I lose everything?” But I chose to listen to this instead: “What if you try — imagine how much you could learn? What if you didn’t try? You’d live your life saying I wish I had…”

My fear of future regret was much greater than my fear of failure. And ultimately, that’s what pushed me to take action.

Regardless of the outcome — of whether my business is struggling or succeeding or whether I recoup my investment or I completely lose it — I honestly don’t care. What matters most is that I faced my biggest fear of walking straight into the unknown with the confidence that I will figure it out. And that’s exactly why today I can tell you this:

I feel it in my heart. I feel it in my mind. It’s an incredible sensation.

Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca said:

“We suffer more from imagination than from reality.”

Quitting your job, investing your savings, taking a risk, taking a leap, trying something new — all these are insurmountable fears in the eyes of society. But in truth, they create more suffering in imagination than in reality.

It was only in the act of leaning in and conquering such major fears that I have now become fearless. And if I could do it, so can you.

So here I am thinking about the rest of this new year. The problem is I’ve never had a resolution I’ve kept, nor one I like.

2013, I wanted to start up my own company, only I never followed through. 2015, I began the no-carb diet, only to dive into a bag of Reeses a couple weeks later. 2016, I was dead set on only speaking love. I blasted my kids with angry words, shortly thereafter. 2017, well, I am trying to figure out where to go from here.

All these years of try and fail leave me wondering. what makes this year different from all the other years? This is my issue.

And, maybe, it’s this very issue that kicks the new year off with anxiety!

There’s no worse way to start a new year, is there?

I don’t want this. I don’t want the stress of worrying what I won’t do or belaboring what I should do. Frankly, by doing more, I am often trusting God less.

This is not to say every good goal is bad. That’s certainly not true. But, for those Martha types, like me, perhaps the best goal is not to do more, but to do less. To sit down, rather than to step up. To delight in God, rather than impress new demands upon life.

This year, I don’t think I need goals, I simply need to rely on my good God more. He’ll set the goals, day-by-day. He’ll do the leading moment-by-moment. He’ll open the path, as I wait on him.

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps. Prov. 16:9

God charts every single course, whether we try to steal the map away from Him – or not. Either way, he still directs our paths. Go against him? You’ll likely bang into a dead end. Let him become your spiritual GPS? You’ll get somewhere.

Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Psalm 127:1

Change built from God’s strength endures. Change built upon the construct of hard-and-fast law, will fall, if not reliant on grace. Change made absent of God, might sometimes produce results, but it will turns up joy and peace.

Are you so busy trying to fix your life that you’re missing the One who actually can?

Where are you this year? With God or with man-made demands?

Much about our answer will determine our levels of joy or fear. I know we all don’t want the latter. So, with this in mind, let’s consider how we can set resolutions that work.

3 Fear-less Resolutions

1. Know that God knows. God knows what you don’t know. He always sees – and is planning – your way. Why? Because he has a view unlike yours – He sees the beginning from the end and the elephant-sized issues from miles away. In this, you can rest because what you can’t figure out – He can.
2. Walk through your day with God. If you let God go with you, He’ll take you to peace. This means, if you are washing dishes and experience worry, you invite him in. If you are entering a social situation that makes you want to hide in the bathroom, you ask him to help calm your soul. You talk to God. You listen to him. You welcome Him in. He guides you.
3. Rest in the fact that God is for you.
   If God is for us, who can be against us? (Ro. 8:31 )
   Doubts may surface and uncertainties may arise, but the calm in the storm is that God is for you. He will never be against you. He will never abandon you. He will never have enough of you. The God who is for you, reaches his arm out to lift you above the tossing waves. He will not let you go. He will deliver you to your best outcome.

Will we always do these things perfectly? No. But will God always remain the same, full of unwavering love? Yes. And, so we return to numbers 1, 2 and 3 and continue the process of making progress with God. There is no perfect resolution. But, Jesus is perfect – and if we keep our eyes on Him, he won’t lead us wrong.

With this focus there is no telling where God will take you, in this year or any other.

Interested in conquering fear in 2017? Buy Kelly Balarie’s new book, Fear Fighting: Awakening Courage to Overcome Your Fears. Learn how to stop shaking in worry and anxiety so you can start walking into God’s greatest callings. Discover stress-reducing prayers to usher in new peace. Stand armed with daily bravery decrees so you can win the battle against fear. Order today!

Visit Kelly Balarie on Facebook, Twitter or at her blog, Kelly Balarie & Friends. And, you can sign up to get all her blog posts via email.

Image courtesy: Pexels.com

Publication date: January 19, 2017

How many times do we find ourselves frozen by fear?

Our hearts palpitate, our breathing becomes shallow and fast, and soon we’re paralyzed by trepidation. At moments when we need to lunge forward, our feet plant as though in cement.

Everyone experiences fear sometimes — it’s part of being human. But no matter how overwhelmed and paralyzed your fear is making you feel, you can break through to fearlessness.

So what does it mean to be fearless?

Fearlessness is not the absence of fear. Rather, it’s the mastery of fear.

Fearlessness is about getting up one more time than we fall down. The more comfortable we are with the possibility of falling down, the more fearless we will be, and the easier our journey will become.

Without fear, we can’t have courage. We cannot act courageous in any situation unless we have something to protect, something to honor, something to prove, or something to commit to. Fear is a call to action and that action should be courageous.

“Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the willingness to act in spite of your fear.”

But what do you do when you’re really afraid, and how do you overcome the fears that are holding you back?

When I’m afraid, I’ve conditioned myself to walk right into my fears rather than away from them.

If you can get used to that, your fear will dissipate. Most of the power of fear is in your mind; it doesn’t really exist. It’s just this idea that looms because you’re unwilling to face it.

I have as much fear as anyone of you. In fact, this feels embarrassing admitting as a Fearless Coach, but I’m going to be brutally honest with you…

Skydiving has been a life long fear of mine.

I’ve had skydiving on my bucket list for the last 10 years of my life. Fortunately, one of my “Fearless” friends wouldn’t let me back out of his invitation to overcome this fear. So after years of procrastination, I finally had the courage to throw myself out of a plane at 13,000 feet.

As the parachute opened and I gently glided towards the ground, I had a breakthrough that all human beings must heed:

There is no parachute in real life.

The moment you’re born, you’ve already jumped out of a plane, and are plummeting towards your death without a parachute. Let me say this clearly…

You will die someday and are in the process of dying right now…it’s inevitable.

Every decade, every year, every month, every week, every day that passes is one step closer to your death. I’m not saying this to be morbid; I’m saying this to remind you that this life isn’t a dress rehearsal. You can’t “play it safe” in hopes of having another chance.

This is it. This moment is all you are guaranteed right now. So are you making the best of it or are you letting your fears hold you back?

How To Become An “Unstoppable Influence” – Be You, Be Fearless, Transform Lives! [VIDEO]

Are you ready to feel your special “Unstoppable Influence?” Author, speaker, and super entrepreneur Natasha Hazlett gets “real” and shares her journey from self-loathing to creating a community for women who needed to fall in love with themselves and become FEARLESS and Unstoppable!

A bit about Natasha:

Natasha Nassar Hazlett is an inspirational speaker, coach, attorney and author of the #1 Amazon Best Selling Book: Unstoppable Influence: Be You. Be Fearless. Transform Lives.

One decision helped this formerly uninspired, unmotivated entrepreneur on the verge of abandoning her business to finally ditch her limiting, self-sabotaging beliefs and uncover her radiant Truth. Now she and her husband, Rich, are helping thousands of others do the same through their popular Unstoppable Influence ® 21-Day Challenges and coaching programs.

Natasha and Rich are the co-founders of Fast Forward Marketing, LLC. Together they empower entrepreneurs around the world with the clarity, confidence, and strategies they need to boost their income and influence while working less. Natasha is also Of Counsel to the Boise law firm of Angstman Johnson, where her practice is focused on estate planning and estate and trust administration. She graduated from Southern Methodist University with a B.A. in Political Science and a B.A. in Advertising. She earned her J.D. from Dedman School of Law at Southern Methodist University.

The Idaho Business Review honored Natasha with their 2013 Idaho Women of the Year award, and she has been honored multiple times with the Rising Star Award by Super Lawyers magazine. She has been featured on ABC, NBC and CBS as well as on Forbes.com.

Of all the titles Natasha holds, her favorite is “mommy” to an adorable little girl and twin boys who are the light of her life! She resides in Franklin, Tennessee.

As a French major in college, I had the opportunity to work as a nanny for a wealthy French family. I don’t remember the details exactly, but I do remember that they lived in what seemed like a palatial townhouse in Manhattan, had several homes in Europe, and planned to spend the summer traveling, child—and nanny—in tow. Whatever the difficulties or challenges of accompanying this particular family might have been, the chance to travel widely throughout Europe was not only exciting but also unavailable to me any other way at the time. Plus I adored kids, and was planning to teach. It seemed a great fit. And yet I was afraid to take the job, afraid the family wouldn’t like me, afraid I would be lonely, afraid I wouldn’t be able to care for the child well, afraid I’d miss my boyfriend and my family. So I stayed home that summer, living in my parents’ house and working in an office at a perfectly nice, decently paying, perfectly boring job. To keep myself amused, I read novels set in Paris and Venice, wondering what it would be like to go there. Time after time in the years that followed, various opportunities shined on me, lighting the way to potential adventure, but my fearfulness stretched out before me like a shadow, dimming the prospects.

The strange thing is, if I were thrown into a situation in which there might actually be something to be afraid of—a sinking canoe, to choose a random example, or a building fire—I know that I would deal with it well, not lose my head or become paralyzed with anxiety but take care of business, be effective in the moment. I’ve handled things that prompted people to say, “That must have been incredibly scary,” though I didn’t feel overwhelmingly afraid at all. What, then, is the nature of my fearfulness? If I had to give it a name, I would call it “What if. ” because it derives all its power from the possibilities of what might happen at some point in the future and not what’s happening right now.

I can see how What if. might have been more useful a long time ago. In fact, I remember considering the idea of sliding down a banister in the house where I grew up—I must’ve been around 3, because the banister seemed very high off the ground—and thinking, “Fun! Long ride! Fast! New!” Then: “But what if when I get to the bottom, I fall off the end?” Which I certainly would have done had I followed through, with painful and injurious results. The trouble is that somehow as I matured, asking What if. became a way of introducing every possible disaster that could happen, no matter how unlikely. Falling off the end became, in my mind, a probable result even when it wasn’t. And thinking about that, I began to want to avoid asking the question because it evoked so much anxiety. So I sought the comfortable and the familiar rather than the exciting and the exotic. It was easy, it was even joyful and delightful (as the comfortable and familiar can be), but it was rarely challenging in a way that leads you to live your fullest life.

A while back, I was offered a job. Supported contentedly by my freelance writing work, very cozily ensconced in my flexible schedule, I didn’t think I’d be interested in a full-time position that would require me to show up at an office every day. But: I was an avid reader of the magazine (the one you’re reading) where the position was available; I had deeply admired the talent and integrity of the staff; and the job required that I learn about a field—the beauty industry—about which I knew very little. All positives. And yet. I was afraid to take it, afraid the staff wouldn’t like me, afraid I would be lonely, afraid I wouldn’t be able to do the job well, afraid I’d miss the ease and familiarity of my freelance life. I recognized it as the same fearfulness I’d felt more than 50 years ago, playing out in a different way. When I thought of the possibilities that might come with the job—Fun! A long ride! Fast-paced! New!—my heart leapt. But of course, then: What if. The leaping turned to pounding. This time, through the racket, I simply said yes, I’ll do it. It finally seemed more painful not to take the risk than to take it. If I fell off the end? I’m a big girl now; I thought I could handle it. I imagined my fearfulness as a scrim fluttering between me and the unknown. I would try walking through it.

On my first day at the office (after a sleepless night), I expressed my anxiety to one of my new colleagues. “I’m really scared I’m not going to be able to do this job,” I told her. “I feel as if I don’t know anything about anything.”

“And if you can’t do it?” she said.

“Then,” I said, “I guess I’ll slink out of here in shame.” She seemed to understand the depth of my unease without making me feel that it was justified. Then she patted me on the arm. “It’s always good to have a plan,” she said.

When I submitted my first shot at a photo caption (just a caption!), it was quickly returned to me with “cliché” scrawled across the top of the page. Yikes! I had my plan, of course. But slink out in shame? I didn’t think so. At least not without another try. And—damn!—another. Finally: “perfect.” In 30 years, I’ve never had a job I’ve enjoyed more, that has pushed me more or offered richer opportunity. The possibilities I thought might materialize are even more interesting, more exciting than I’d imagined. I’m still butting up against fearfulness at almost every turn. But now, when it feels right, to the din of my pounding heart, I walk through it.

1. For starters, memorize the vulnerable places.

It doesn’t matter how big or heavy your attacker is because you can beat anyone if you know where the most vulnerable spots are. The main ones are the eyes, nose, throat, chest, knees, and groin.

You can attack in any way you want, but to be on the safe side, you need to remember that the most effective moves are aimed at these areas.

2. The simplest and most effective moves:

One of the best moves that will make any giant whimper or drop to his knees is grabbing the wrist. Grab his little finger and his ring finger with one hand, and his middle and index finger with the other and bend the wrist forward.

If you can’t grab your opponent’s hand, hit him with a fist or with a finger between the collarbones or into his Adam’s apple. This will allow you to disorient your opponent enough that it will take him a long time to come back to his senses.

The most obvious area for an attack is the groin. All self-defense courses advise aiming for this area.

Hitting this area will literally paralyze the attacker and you will have just enough time to escape.

3. If you were grabbed from the front:

If you were grabbed from the front and you can’t lift your hands, do the following: move your hands forward and make a fist in front of your pelvis. This will create enough room between you and the attacker.

After that, hit the attacker’s nose with your forehead. This will make the attacker move away from you. Now hit him in the groin with your knee.

If there is still some room between you and the attacker, there is a way you can protect yourself using your palm. Straighten your left arm and hit the attacker on his chin and nose with your right arm. Then, hit him in the groin. This way the attacker will be disoriented for a long time and he won’t be able to move.

4. How to free your hands:

You can easily escape a stronghold if you remember the “rule of thumb”: rotate your arm to the side of the attacker’s thumb.

If he is holding your arm tightly, rotate your wrist toward the thumb. When your arm is under the attacker’s, pull your arm as strongly as you can.

5. If you were grabbed from behind:

Attackers often come from the back because this is the easiest way to hold the victim’s arms so that they can’t move them.

To set yourself free, quickly bend back and try to hit the attacker with the back of your head. It’s OK if you can’t do it: the point is to make the attacker put one of his legs forward.

Now quickly bend down, grab his leg and get up pulling it with you. Now the attacker will lose balance and you will be able to drop even the biggest opponent.

Bonus Tips

• If both of the attacker’s arms are up, then straighten your palm and hit him in the armpit.
• If one of your arms is down, there is a chance you can hit the opponent in his chest, neck, or jaw.
• But one of the most effective and powerful hits is a hit with your head. Squat a little to be lower than the opponent. Then quickly jump up and hit him in the jaw with your forehead. This move will instantly disorient the attacker and give you a chance to escape.

We hope you never have to use these moves, but if you do happen to find yourself in a threatening situation, remember the vulnerable areas! Do you know of any other moves that could be helpful in escaping an attacker? Share your experiences in the comment section below!

March 10 2018 , 1:00–5:00 pm

Griffith University Functions Centre
Parklands Drive, Southport

Plan Your Journey With G:Link Trams

Join us at Be Fearless and hear from inspirational women as they share their journeys and guide us into the great outdoors!

The event will kick off with a panel of inspiring guest speakers that have been carefully selected, including female adventurers who have stories of the extreme outdoors, as well as women who do something in their local outdoors everyday.

We will also run a selection of practical Be Fearless workshops, which are aimed at a beginner level – young women wanting to know more about what to do in the outdoors and how to do it safely and confidently. Workshop will include activities such as how to set up a campsite, or how to plan for your next hike. Our experienced facilitators will take participants through the basics, providing an environment where there is no such thing as a silly question.

Experience in the outdoors isn’t necessary, in fact the less the better! We’re taking it back to basics and encouraging women to Be Fearless in the outdoors.

This is an exciting opportunity for young women to connect with knowledgeable outdoor recreation adventurers and organisations to ask questions and gain an understanding into how they can start to explore the great outdoors.

Hosted by the Queensland Outdoor Recreation Federation and Supported by YWCA Queensland and the Queensland Government.

This event was submitted to The Weekend Edition by an external party. Suggest a correction.

Natural disasters, public or personal tragedies, and general feelings of unsafety in the world are giving many people reason to feel extreme stress, fear, grief, confusion, and loss. Learning to healthily move through these emotions will help you avoid stagnation in your pain and suffering. Being so close to your deepest feelings can make you feel very vulnerable, but that is where you learn to trust and transform. Fearlessness isn’t about mindlessly bulldozing through life like a daredevil, it’s about having the courage to show up to your reality, to face your real emotions, and to be brave enough to continue moving forward with your life. Here are 10 tools you can use to process difficult emotions so you can continue to function as optimally as possible through times of bereavement.

10 Ways to Be Fearless Through Grief and Loss

1. Practice present-moment mindfulness.

You can call it meditation or mindfulness but essentially it is the practice of acute awareness of self and your surroundings to help you stay grounded in the present moment. Notice how you feel, the smell of the air, what you hear. These very simple but powerful exercises of mindfulness can help heal your heart and mind.

2. Give yourself a grieving schedule.

Often grief can feel all consuming and emotions can feel out of control. Setting aside time on your schedule to grieve will give you structure with attentiveness to the reality of your suffering. If grief starts to overtake you, tell it you will attend to it at your next designated time and focus on the current tasks at hand. This practice will allow you to continue healing for as long as you need without causing total emotional depletion.

3. Allow and accept your authentic feelings.

It’s natural to want to run away from deep emotions out of fear. As you learn to sit and trust the moment, you can learn to trust yourself and take emotions as they come. Allowing emotions means not judging them but accepting what is real.

4. Express your emotions.

It’s important that you not only accept the feeling but that you find ways to express the feelings. Painful emotions can feel overwhelming but the more you healthily express your feelings, the more trust you build in yourself. The danger arises when you deny your emotions. Years of suppressed feelings can grow within you and cause ill health.

5. Stay connected to others.

It’s easy to isolate during difficult periods. Although it is important to spend some time alone to process grief, it is vital to stay connected with others in your community and who care. As you are brave enough to accept your emotions, you can allow others to be present in your life to share experiences.

6. Keep a journal.

Writing can be a very helpful tool to help express emotions and track the flow of healing. Let your thoughts and feelings pour out onto the paper and try not to judge or filter what is said. Keep this journal private. It is where you can safely share and express your feelings.

7. Be of service.

Helping others is a wonderful way to stay connected and to keep your heart open. When you serve others, your community benefits and so do you.

8. Get extra rest.

Grief and loss can cause intense stress and it takes a toll. It’s important to honor yourself by allowing extra time for rest. Don’t expect to perform at your highest level during this time and don’t push yourself. Get plenty of sleep and rest. Emotional processing can cause energy depletion.

9. Optimize nutrition.

Excess stress requires enhanced nutrition. Nourish your adrenal glands with extra vitamin c and enough proteins and healthy fats to feel more grounded and safe. Include plenty of superfoods and micronutrients to support your overall health. Reducing sugar and processed foods will not only make you feel better physically but will help stabilize your mood and your mind.

10. Create a memorial.

Create a special art piece, plant a tree, or craft a memory book. Place a special plaque on your favorite area or name a new recipe. Imprinting your emotions onto a memorial is a beautiful way to treasure and stay connected to your loving memories.

For women’s month, the current reigning Miss Universe Zozibini “Zozi” Tunzi has partnered with 1st for Women to encourage South Africans and beyond to be fearless.

Zozibini is encouraging women to be free of the fear of judgement, the fear of criticism and the fear of not being enough.

Speaking to Daily Sun, Zozi said: “Living fearless is liberating. That’s the message we want to impart to the women of South Africa on Women’s Day and beyond.”

“Despite the turbulence and chaos that surrounds us, we want to encourage women to resist fear, confront it and fight back against it with the ultimate intention of empowering women to realise their indomitable strength.”

Zozi told the People’s Paper that women have an incredible inner strength and they should start being fearless.

“We persevere and thrive through fears both seen, and unseen. And yet, we are often our own harshest critics – we fight an internal dialogue about our worth. We hold back in case we are wrong. We want women to start asking themselves, “what would you do if you were fearless?”

A post shared by Zozibini Tunzi (@zozitunzi) on Aug 5, 2020 at 5:01am PDT

Zozi has also conquered fears of her own:“I have had so many fears in my life. One of the recent ones being that I would be rejected by people as their Miss Universe, that I wasn’t enough and would fail because I looked different to any other Miss Universe people were used to.”

“But I soon realised that what I thought was my weakness was actually my strength. I tapped into it and I owned who I am completely. Now I am confident, comfortable and fearless because I turned my fear into a strength.”

Here are some of Zozi’s top tips for conquering fear and becoming fearless:

• Learn to understand what your fear is and embrace it. Only then will you be able to push through it.

• Write down your fears so that you can look at them face to face. When you are done facing them, prove them wrong.

• It’s not as bad you think. These are words I always recite to myself. We always imagine the worst, and most of the time the reality is not as scary as how we imagine it.

• Be optimistic! Always try to change fear into a challenge.

• Give yourself positive affirmations

Zozi also said:”When women fear less, they become fearless. They can then do what they thought they couldn’t and say what they thought they shouldn’t. It’s a choice with the ultimate reward of true freedom.”

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How to Be Fearless in the Face of Monster Challenges

The right frame of mind makes even the biggest hurdles the size of grains of sand.

If you’re fortunate, you have people in your personal and professional life who might be able to get you out of a jam. But as any experienced leader is going to tell you, there are going to be times when, for a host of reasons, you essentially have to go it alone and be the one who finds a fix to the problem at hand. No matter what the challenge might happen to be, here’s how to stand face to the wind and conquer.

1. Unlock your biases.

Most of the time, if we see something as “too big” or “impossible”, it’s because we’ve learned something limiting (e.g., you’re not rich, smart, or talented enough, the “system” makes you invisible, etc.). Ask yourself why the idea of the challenge makes you uncomfortable and come to terms with why you believe what you do. Then consciously combat the beliefs you want to discard that you recognize are holding you back. The only way to do this is through constantly reaffirming your new truth to yourself, as you have to physically construct new pathways of thinking in the brain.

2. Ask yourself why not me, rather than why me.

Large problems easily fall prey to the bystander effect–we think that someone else can and will handle the situation, so we don’t try to do anything ourselves to help. But as you confront your biases, don’t ask “Why do I have to?” Ask “Why shouldn’t I?” Admit your limitations and address them, yes, but unapologetically identify everything that makes you uniquely qualified to get the job done, too.

3. Reframe the problem as an opportunity.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that the task ahead isn’t an enormous amount of difficult work. But reframing in this way allows you to focus on the positive elements you’ll be left with after the process is over. That can make the work seem more worthwhile and, subsequently, less stressful.

4. Accept that you’ll have to break habits and routines.

One of the biggest barriers to stepping up is getting wrapped up in the idea that you have to work within the box you’re in. But babysitters, schools, shifts, even how you eat–it all is flexible. Look at your habits and routines and, instead of seeing them as fixed, ask yourself what you need to do something different.

5. Ask yourself what’s possible to do immediately.

People often say they can’t with a challenge because they don’t feel like they can tackle everything that has to be done in the future. Instead of focusing on everything that’s upcoming, just hone in on the one thing you can do right now, in this moment, regardless of whether that job is tiny or large. Taking even a small action in your present can give you the feeling of empowerment that can carry you to the next step.

6. Identify what’s at stake if you don’t act.

For better or worse, inaction always has a consequence. Clearly identify what both the positive and negative ramifications of doing nothing are. Turn your fear of loss into an advantage and let it motivate you, along with whatever you believe you’ll gain, to have courage.

7. Think about your morals and sense of identity.

Related to the above point, inaction sometimes means that we compromise our fundamental morals and give up a piece of who we are. Tell yourself that the maintenance of ethics and your integrity matter.

8. Surround yourself with advisors and supporters.

They aren’t necessarily going to be able to bail you out. But when the going’s tough, they can give you advice and support that enables you to stand firm. They also can keep you from feeling isolated, which is essential for maintaining the optimism you need to stick with it.

9. Focus on forward progress, rather than how far you have to go.

If a challenge has many steps and can’t be completed quickly, it can be difficult to see that you’re making any difference or headway. Rather than always comparing where you’re at to the end goal, just ask yourself if you’re further ahead today than you were yesterday. If the answer consistently is yes, then you can remind yourself that slow and steady will win the race.

10. Come up with a recovery strategy.

A challenge takes waaaaay more effort than downing fudge brownie ice cream. (Bummer, I know.) You’re not going to be able to go full steam 100 percent of the time. Figure out how you’re going to recharge and when you’ll take breaks before you even start. With that plan and set of resources in place, it’s easier to give your best because you can see a place to rest ahead and can anticipate it as a reward for your work.

By Susan Cain

When Yves Biggoer-Burger was in the second grade, he witnessed a group of peers teasing an overweight girl. Drawing himself up to his full 8-year-old height, he stood by her side and said:

“Guys, she might be bigger than you, but she’s definitely not as stupid.”

The boys slunk away, shame-faced.

Many of us can remember times in our childhood—and our adulthood too—when we would have liked to act as bravely as Yves. But we couldn’t muster the courage. Maybe we weren’t lion-hearted or quick-witted enough. Maybe we thought that courage belongs to an elect class of noble souls and daredevils and not for the likes of us.

I have felt all of these things.

But this is a mistake not only for those who might benefit from our courage but also for our very own selves. Courage helps us grow and give. And it’s available to us all.

This post is not about how to take monumentally brave actions, like Malala Yousafzai, the young Pakistani education activist who was shot for her efforts, or like a firefighter rushing into a burning building. It is instead about understanding what courage really is and training ourselves to perform small, daily acts of bravery.

1. Courage means being afraid and acting anyway, not that you’d know this from looking around at our culture, which celebrates fearlessness. (There are over 50 books titled Fearless on Amazon as of this writing.) If you tend to be fearful, you probably assume that you’re not courageous. Courage researchers Cynthia Pury and Charles Starkey reviewed the citations for valor of 74 recipients of the Carnegie Medal for heroic actions and found not a single mention of the words fear, afraid, or worried. This isn’t surprising; the psychologist Avril Thorne found that listeners embrace traumatic stories emphasizing bravery or compassion, but not ones focusing on fear or sadness. Yet, we all know that fear is a universally powerful emotion, and we all know how terrible terror feels. Thus, we should grasp that feeling afraid and acting anyway is a form of nobility.

1. Courage is a habit, a muscle you can exercise. Most of us aren’t born courageous, so we shouldn’t expect to magically acquire it without practice. As Brene Brown writes in her book The Gifts of Imperfection, “Courage is…a habit, a virtue: You get it by courageous acts. It’s like you learn to swim by swimming. You learn courage by couraging.”

Get in the habit of deciding what you think about things and speaking from that place of conviction. Practice saying what you think about small, inconsequential things: pleasantly, politely—but firmly.

1. Notice every time you do something that you’re scared to do—something your body is telling you not to do. You’ll start to realize that you do these things all the time. You’re already much braver than you think. This is particularly true of shy people for whom daily life requires them to smile in the face of fear. Here is one of my favorite quotes, by Charles Darwin: “A shy man no doubt dreads the notice of strangers, but can hardly be said to be afraid of them. He may be as bold as a hero in battle, and yet have no self-confidence about trifles in the presence of strangers.”

1. Focus on the people or cause you’re standing up for. It’s easier to be courageous on behalf of others than it is for your own sake. Here is one of my favorite examples: a fellow Princeton grad named John Burford, who rushed a fraternity, was horrified by its dangerous hazing practices and wrote a letter to the school paper describing his experiences. It was a hugely courageous act. At the time, all of Burford’s friends were members of the college Greek system. But he focused not on the risk to his own social standing but on the safety of future students: “Ultimately,” he explained, “what I wasn’t OK with was the possibility of being remembered…as ‘that guy who knew what fraternities at Princeton did, and could have spoken up, and then somebody died because of his fucking cowardice.’”

1. Find courage in numbers. It’s much easier to act in the company of even one other person who feels the way you do. The hardest thing in the world is to dissent solo. Sometimes, you’ll have to go it alone, of course. But often, this isn’t necessary.

1. Learn to attend to positive signals and to discount negative ones. Many of us have a “negativity bias” that causes us to pay more attention to disapproval than to positive reinforcement. Be aware of this, and gently steer your mind to positive stimuli. When I first started my public speaking career, I tended to focus on whichever audience member had the most disgruntled expression on her face. These days, though I still hope to please everyone, I’m much more attuned to those who seem happy to be there.

1. Find role models of quietly courageous people. I’m a huge believer in the power of role models for just about anything you hope to do or become. When you’re trying to stretch yourself beyond your apparent limits, there’s a part of you that wonders whether it can actually be done. A role model is a constant reminder that the answer is yes. Channel that person until it feels natural to channel your very own self. And if you don’t have a role model handy, try Miep Gies, the quiet and ordinary woman who sheltered Anne Frank in her attic for two years. “I don’t want to be considered a hero,” said Gies. “Imagine [if] young people would grow up with the feeling that you have to be a hero to do your human duty. I am afraid nobody would ever help other people, because who is a hero? I was not. I was just an ordinary housewife and secretary.”

It was exactly Gies’ ordinariness that made her courage all the more noteworthy and attainable for us all.

How about you? Do you think of yourself as courageous? Do you agree that courage means being afraid and acting anyway? What acts of courage inspire you most?

To be a leader means you should be brave and fearless, this however is easier said than done. After all, everyone has their own set of fears and leaders are no different. Despite your existing fears however, there are ways of becoming a fearless leader and a good one at that.

The very first thing that you can do to become a fearless leader is to acknowledge your fears. It is a good idea to keep a journal of your fears and be honest in recording the fears that you think may affect your leadership abilities. The fears may even include those of your personal life especially if they hinder you from becoming an effective leader.

Getting rid of fears

After you are able to acknowledge your fears, you are actually on your way to getting rid of them. This is so because the first step always deals with acceptance. If you are in denial of your fears then there is no way that you can become a fearless leader. It takes humility to be honest about these things, and getting rid of them becomes secondary.

Now, to work on the said fears you must devise a plan to be brave enough to conquer them. You ask yourself at this point on how you are to eliminate the said fears in your life as a leader, and you do this by being conscious of the instances where these fears overrule your emotions and judgment as a leader.

Every time you catch yourself acting out an impulse related to a fear of yours, you then try to counteract it with the possible solutions listed in your plan of action. Be patient with yourself if you find yourself unable to conquer your fears right away. Remember that these things take time, and you will soon find out that there are fears that may be solved easier than others. Thus, it sometimes becomes a trial and error and perseverance is a good trait that you are learning as you deal with the fears.

In dealing with your fears, you are gaining strength and wisdom as a leader. It is important however that you also recognize your triumphs over your fears. For you to keep on doing a good job, you must also take time to reward yourself for being a better leader. You do this by treating yourself or allowing yourself to indulge in certain things that make you happy. This way, you can actually look forward to eliminating the fears and it becomes a more rewarding experience.

Join us at Be Fearless and hear from inspirational women as they share their journeys and guide us into the great outdoors!

The event will kick off with a panel of inspiring guest speakers that have been carefully selected, including female adventurers who have stories of the extreme outdoors, as well as women who do something in their local outdoors everyday.

We will also run a selection of practical Be Fearless workshops, which are aimed at a beginner level – young women wanting to know more about what to do in the outdoors and how to do it safely and confidently. Workshop will include activities such as how to set up a campsite, or how to plan for your next hike. Our experienced facilitators will take participants through the basics, providing an environment where there is no such thing as a silly question.

Experience in the outdoors isn’t necessary, in fact the less the better! We’re taking it back to basics and encouraging women to Be Fearless in the outdoors.

This is an exciting opportunity for young women to connect with knowledgeable outdoor recreation adventurers and organisations to ask questions and gain an understanding into how they can start to explore the great outdoors.

Hosted by the Queensland Outdoor Recreation Federation and Supported by YWCA Queensland and the Queensland Government.

Sat March 10 2018, 1:00–5:00 pm

Griffith University Functions Centre
Parklands Drive, Southport

This article is from our friends at LearnVest, a leading site for women and their money.

Wish you could always feel calm—and ooze competence—at work?

Surprise! Even your boss sweats sometimes. In fact, Jonathan Alpert, a psychotherapist in New York City, specializes in working with what he calls “the last people you would expect to be afraid.” They include high-ranking executives who, while they might exude confidence, are just as worried about the impression they’re making as anyone else.

“With work-related fears, as with any fear, people’s imaginations tend to run wild,” explains Alpert, psychotherapist and author of the upcoming Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days. Even the most experienced executive’s confidence can falter when she’s faced with a challenging task, like negotiating a deal or making a big presentation.

And if they can get nervous, so can we. Because confidence at work leads to promotions, raises, and general awesomeness, we spoke to Alpert about how you can become fearless on the job.

Overcoming “Negativity Bias”

Alpert explains negativity bias, or “the tendency to notice and remember negative events and information over positive ones” as a deep-seated habit we all have. That bias, he says, has been programmed into our minds for thousands of years, from a time when our world was teeming with danger rather than YouTube channels.

But the potential for a negative outcome can scare us into stasis, and one bad experience can color all those after it—if we let it.

All fear is based on uncertainty, but you can take a three-fold approach to ensuring it doesn’t stop you in your tracks.

1. Embrace Excitement

You know that feeling when your boss calls you into a meeting? That heart-thumping, palms-sweating, hyper-focused feeling? You might call it fear, but fearless people call it excitement. Fear and excitement have the same physiological symptoms, Alpert explains, based in the body’s “fight or flight” response. Whether you’re excited or fearful, your body is poised to act. The difference between the two is how you interpret it.

Try this: The next time you’re called in for a job interview, meeting, or performance review, recognize your quickly beating heart as a symptom of excitement. Instead of worrying about how it will go, get excited to share your experiences, ace the presentation, and get promoted. Reframing your outlook can make the same sensation positive instead of negative—it’s all in how you interpret the signals your body is sending.

2. Handle Rejection the Right Way

There’s a reason they call it “the sting of rejection.” Being told no, whether you’re pursuing a date or a raise, can be jarring. But thoughts like “I must be unworthy” can sink you, according to Alpert. “No doesn’t always mean no,” he says. “It might just mean that you need to find a new way to approach a person or a situation.” Fearless people, he says, see rejection as feedback, springing into action rather than retreating in defeat. “Rejection is the only way to get acceptance,” Alpert explains. “If you don’t try at all, you definitely won’t get what you want.”

Try this: If you request a raise or promotion and your boss’ first response isn’t positive, try responding with: “What could I do to make this promotion a possibility?” Think ahead and be prepared to talk about not only your contributions to the company, but the ways which you could be contributing more. Actively solicit feedback on your performance from both your immediate superiors and any trusted colleagues. Take what they say to heart, work to meet the goals your boss has set for you, then revisit the conversation. You might find you get a different outcome next time around.

3. Know the Difference Between Preparation and Procrastination

If you’ve finished preparing for a presentation and are poring over your notes for the hundredth time, you might be creating an opportunity for doubt. When you find yourself asking questions like, “What if they hate it?” or telling yourself things like, “I’m terrible at public speaking,” you’ve finished preparing—now, you’re procrastinating.

“The longer you hesitate, the harder it will be to act. Don’t think,” Alpert says. “Just do.”

Try this: Give yourself a deadline. Whether it’s preparing for a presentation, or compiling information to ask for a raise, give yourself a set number of days to do your research (three days, maybe, not 30). Before you start, put an appointment on your calendar to make that phone call/send that email/visit that office, and get it done before you start second-guessing yourself.

This article has been republished with permission from our partner, LearnVest. For more financial and life advice that’s sound, savvy, and actually fun to read, check out:

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