It really is possible to change your mindset.
Here’s a suggestion that’s much easier said than done: “think positively!” Who wouldn’t want to affirm that everything will be okay—and feel happier as a result? Optimism is something to strive for, but the good news is you don’t have to be an unrealistic Pollyanna to reframe your point of view and become a more positive person.
In fact, it’s important to embrace the darker aspects of a situation in the process. “The most helpful definition of being positive is having hope and confidence in one’s ability to handle what’s tough, along with remembering that nothing is all negative all the time,” explains Jo Eckler, PsyD, a therapist in Austin, Texas and author of the book I Can’t Fix You—Because You’re Not Broken. Instead, she defines positivity as the ability to identify sunnier takeaways or moments of relief, no matter how small.
If you’re not naturally prone to positivity or find yourself dealing with increasing anxiety—don’t beat yourself up. “Some people are born with rose-colored glasses and a neural architecture that predisposes them to enjoy positive emotions and the best in the world,” says Jamie Gruman, PhD., professor at the University of Guelph and author of the book Boost: The Science of Recharging Yourself in an Age of Unrelenting Demands. “Other people come into the world with grey-colored glasses instead of the rose-colored variety—it’s a genetic lottery,” he explains.
While learning how to be a happier person is more challenging for some than others, anyone can pick up the skills required to get there. Whether you’re looking to simply leave everyday melancholy behind, stay motivated at work, improve on your relationship, or become more confident, these 12 tips will train your brain to look on the bright side—and possibly change your life in the process.
1. Pick a personal mantra—and repeat it.
It might feel strange at first, but talking to yourself is an easy trick that can help. “We’re often harder on ourselves than we would ever be to someone else, so talk to yourself like you would to your best friend,” says Erin Parisi, a licensed mental health counselor in Orlando, Florida.
To get comfortable doing this, try creating a positive personal mantra or affirmation. Examples include, “It is what it is,” “Everything happens for a reason,” and “When one door closes another one opens,” or even a favorite song lyric or line from a poem. “This mantra can bring you a smidge of relief and remind you that things will get better, even if they suck right now,” Parisi says.
It might feel strange at first, but talking to yourself is an easy trick that can help.
2. Pay less attention to negative thoughts.
Ever found yourself lost in a loop of worry and concern? Tend to overanalyze everything? That’s called rumination, which is the process of continually thinking about the same dark scenario. Learning to recognize those thoughts for what they are—just thoughts—can aid you in pulling yourself together. As Lady O wrote in the June 2018 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine, “Everything passes if you learn to hold things lightly.”
3. Be kind to yourself.
Cut yourself some slack when something crappy—losing a job, going through a breakup, or experiencing trauma—happens in your life. “These situations are painful. You’re most likely not going to feel perky and peppy about it all, and that’s okay,” Eckler says. Trying to squash the stress or grief will only intensify those feelings. Let yourself feel and show yourself the same compassion and support you would
4. Change your language.
Words make a big difference in how you feel and in the way others perceive you. “One of the biggest ways we transfer stress is verbally,” explains Michelle Gielan, a happiness researcher and author of the book Broadcasting Happiness. “So jump-starting a conversation with a positive statement can set the tone in a different place.”
For example, when someone at work asks how you are, instead of saying, “I’m so stressed and busy!” try something light-hearted like, “I just had the best turkey and avocado sandwich for lunch. How’s your day going?” This can naturally lead the conversation—and your mind—to a more positive place.
5. Start a daily gratitude practice.
Research shows that expressing gratitude can increase joy, which in turn can increase gratitude. “Now that’s a great cycle to get stuck in,” Eckler says. Begin by simply jotting down three things you are thankful for each day, even if it’s just in the notes section of your phone. Gruman points to studies that show that this intervention—and similar ones like writing a letter to someone who’d been particularly kind to them—enhances happiness. You could even expand the cycle of gratitude and kindness, by texting daily positive affirmations to loved ones.
6. Go outdoors.
Spending time in nature has been proven to boost positive thinking. If going outside for a stroll isn’t an option, try adding more indoor plants around your workplace or even watching nature scenes on YouTube whenever anxiety or stress builds up. In one study, people who viewed a stress-inducing film were later exposed to either shots of nature or of urban life. The result? Those who spent time peering over Mother Nature’s beauty recovered from stress more quickly.
Practicing mindfulness plays a big part in becoming more positive.
7. Consider meditation.
Though it’s become a cliché recommendation, setting aside time to practice mindfulness and meditation plays a big part in becoming more positive, Eckler notes. “Being mindful for just a few minutes a day teaches us that everything changes, making it easier to have hope in dark moments,” she explains. “This will also help strengthen your practice of observing—but not always giving into—the negative thoughts your brain likes to conjure. Need a place to start? Try one of these meditation apps.
Entrepreneur’s New Year’s Guide
Whether you realize it or not, the negative experiences you have lived through often influence your decisions. Your brain learns from difficult situations and painful memories, and these experiences get sealed into your brain.
Your brain naturally wants to do whatever it can to protect you by avoiding a recurrence of the negative experience. However, continually focusing on the negative can hinder our ability to find the positive and live a happy life.
Success is based on recognizing and going after opportunities as they present themselves — and that often requires having the inner fortitude to take a chance and navigate difficult waters. The more you exude positivity, the better your chances of finding lasting success and happiness. All it takes is a little training and focus, and you can rewire your brain toward the positive.
1. Release your inner negativity.
If you allow yourself to dwell on the negative, then habitual skepticism will run your life and influence your decisions. You are effectively resigning yourself to a cycle of hesitation and distrust. It is hard, if not impossible, to build success when you have resigned yourself to negativity.
The first step is to let your negativity go. It’s time to focus on the affirmative. Take control of your mind and direct it toward the positive. You can start doing this by deliberately and frequently centering your thoughts on things that make you happy. Stop letting negatives limit your potential and drag you down.
Start consciously taking a different approach to your thinking. One simple tip is to spend a moment calming your mind when you are feeling frazzled, stressed or distracted. Slow things down. Take a few deep breaths and empty your mind of negative thoughts. Focus on filling your lungs with air. Now you are ready for a positive reboot.
2. Retrain your brain to flip negatives into positives.
Even after years of subconsciously focusing on the negative, it is possible to retrain your brain to perceive and focus on the positive. The idea is to recognize and center your thoughts on the silver linings that are embedded in any negative situation.
The first step is to become aware of your thinking patterns. Start paying more attention to the flow of your thoughts. Is your brain preoccupied by constantly focusing on negative outcomes? Are you stuck in a loop of cynical thinking? Recognize that negative thinking isn’t going to support you in creating long-term success. You need a balanced mind as you decide on which opportunities are the best to take.
The next step is to retrain your brain to see positive patterns. Instead of scrutinizing a situation to spot the negatives, we need to teach our brains to redirect our thoughts and scan for the positives.
One simple way to begin doing this is to scan for three daily positive things. Every day, make a list of three good things that happened to you and reflect on what caused them to happen. Focus on the little wins you have each day and use those to empower and motivate yourself.
3. Learn the art of pivoting from negative thoughts.
Once you recognize that you are caught in a continuous loop of negative reoccurring thoughts, it’s time to break free by pivoting.
Ask yourself what the opposite of the negative thought is. If you were to turn 180 degrees away from this antagonistic thinking, where would you find yourself? Focus on thinking about something from a positive perspective. Practice visualizing a more positive outcome. Then think about the steps you need to take to make that happen.
If you tend to be anxious or apprehensive, pay attention to when you are feeling that way. What causes those emotions? When you feel yourself slipping into a negative cycle of anxiety or worry, remind yourself that these negative thoughts are holding you back from making positive choices in your life. Consider how you can reframe your thoughts into a more positive perspective. Find a confident and assertive alternative to a negative impulse.
Recognize that your mind will want to slip back into old patterns, and remind yourself that you’re reconditioning yourself to have positive thoughts and take positive actions. Once you develop the habit of pivoting toward the positive, your brain will become predisposed to doing so.
4. Create a cycle of joy by paying it forward.
When we are nice to others — when we engage in acts of kindness and make others feel good — we boost our own happiness. Even small acts that make others smile can bring us joy. Doing something nice is also a powerful way to halt a negativity loop.
For instance, you may be feeling anxious about an upcoming meeting or stressed about a recent interaction with a friend or colleague, and your usual pattern of thinking is to worry about it. Instead of fretting, try doing something compassionate for another person.
You’ll find that taking a moment to do a small favor, buy someone a cup of coffee or help a stranger out can give you a little boost. It’s like an instant shot of happiness. Use those positive feelings to channel your thinking into a positive pattern.
5. Bring positivity into the present moment.
To truly reprogram your mind to be more positive, you have to bring positivity into your everyday life. You have to focus on having a positive outlook in your present moment.
Not tomorrow. Not next week. Right now. You can do this through the practice of mindfulness, which is being aware of your thoughts and feelings in the present moment. It’s about recognizing your emotions, what your body is sensing and what you are thinking about, and allowing these sensations to occur without judging them.
You can then harness this awareness to redirect your thoughts. Once you get into the habit of mindfulness, you are no longer allowing your subconscious mind to drive your decisions. You are teaching your brain to sense when you are slipping into negativity and take action toward the positive. It allows you to focus your thoughts and attention toward a more balanced and positive approach.
To help redirect your thoughts, try writing down a list of questions you can ask yourself to bring positivity into your present moment. Here are some examples:
- What can I feel grateful about right now?
- What can I do right now that is fun or gives me joy?
- How can I demonstrate love or gratitude right now?
- What is something I can do to surprise someone or give someone else happiness right now?
As you get into the habit of continually checking in with yourself and directing your thoughts toward the positive, it will eventually become second nature.
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14 Simple Strategies to Be More Positive
Those who have read The Positive Dog often ask me where the inspiration for the book came from. It was inspired by the story about a man who travels to a village to speak to the wise man. He says to the wise man, “I feel like there are two dogs inside me. One dog is positive, loving, kind and optimistic and then I have this fearful, pessimistic, angry and negative dog and they fight all the time. I don’t know who is going to win.” The wise man thinks for a moment and responds, “I know who is going to win. The one you feed the most. So feed the positive dog.”
We all have a positive and negative dog inside of us. It’s part of our human nature. The key is to feed the positive dog and starve the negative dog. The more we feed the positive dog the bigger it gets and the stronger it becomes. The actions are simple. We just need to make them a habit and do them every day. Here are a few ways to feed the positive dog:
1. Practice Gratitude – You can’t be stressed and thankful at the same time. Gratitude is like muscle, the more you exercise it the stronger it gets. Take 10 minutes each day and make a list of what you are thankful for. You will fill your body and brain with costless and priceless anti-depressants.
2. Take a Walk of Gratitude – I do this each morning and it feeds me all day long.
3. Turn off the News – Starve the negative dog.
4. Smile More – It enhances your serotonin levels and uplifts you.
5. Focus on Get to vs Have to – Read the article here.
6. Read uplifting books or devotionals.
7. Get together with a positive, uplifting person.
8. Reach Out – Call or visit someone who has made a difference in your life and thank them. (research shows this is a huge happiness booster)
9. Write a few Thank You Notes Today – When you thank others you feed them and yourself.
10. Watch a funny movie that makes you belly laugh.
11. Take out your Telescope – I often talk about a telescope when encouraging people to create a big-picture vision for their future and dream about the life they want to create. The telescope represents our dream for the future and, according to Barbara Fredrickson, research shows this is a simple way to boost positivity. Today dream about your future and it will feed you with positivity now.
12. Be a Coach – Coaches bring out the best in others. The best coaches mentor, encourage, praise, inspire, and lead with optimism and positivity. Today, feed others and yourself with positivity by being a coach.
13. Start a Success Journal – Write down the one great thing about your day. The more you look for success, the more you will find it.
14. Decide to Make a Difference – When you help other people with their problems you forget about your own.
What strategy will you start today to feed your positive dog?
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Did you know there are simple ways you can override default negative thoughts, essentially hypnotizing your mind to think positive?
There is no getting around the fact that negativity is all around us, and this has a significant impact on your mind. In fact, the brain is innately programmed with a “negativity bias” – the tendency for your brain to be more sensitive to unpleasant stimuli.
Scientists believe the tendency to react more strongly to negative input had a good reason – our distant ancestors had to constantly deal with danger; thus their survival relied on being able to detect and avoid dangerous situations. In short, the bias has evolutionary roots.
Then, there is the incomprehensible complexity of the human mind, with approximately 100 trillion neural connections. This unfathomable number of synapses explains our complex way of thinking. It also explains why we have negative thoughts that replay themselves over and over without us understanding why.
The good news is that you can control what your mind produces. While you may never be able to completely rid your brain of negative thoughts, you can drastically reduce them. With some patience and the willingness to discipline yourself, you can indeed reprogram your mind to stay positive.
Here are 5 daily disciplines that will help you reprogram your mind to positive…
1. Keep a gratitude journal
Research has shown that practicing gratitude regularly makes your brain healthier and happier. Some of the benefits of being grateful include more motivation, better sleep, and a better mood throughout the day.
One gratitude study involved assigning a group of young adults to keep a daily journal of things that they were grateful for. The other group was instructed to keep a daily journal of things that annoyed them or reasons why they were better off than other people. The group that kept the gratitude journal demonstrated greater increases in attention, determination, energy and enthusiasm.
This study demonstrated three important takeaways: (1) gratitude has great psychological benefits, (2) thinking that you are “better off” than another person is not gratitude, and (3) true appreciation is an important aspect of being grateful.
Gratitude is not a comparative practice. It is honing in on the positive aspects of your life that makes you more appreciative.
2. Repeat positive affirmations
In numerous studies, positive affirmations have been shown to effectively change the way that the brain is wired. This rewiring changes the way in which the brain filters incoming stimuli, effectively resulting in a more positive mood.
Dr. Mona Lisa Schultz, neuroscientist, and author of various books on the subject of affirmations and the brain explains:
“We can rewire the patterns in our brain with cognitive behavior therapy or affirmations. Affirmations change the way our brains are wired and the brain lights up differently. So it’s not just this flow, woo-woo stuff…(affirmations) have a bio-chemical, neuro-chemical, and neuropharmacological affects just as effective, if not more effective, than Prozac, Zoloft, or whatever else you have.”
Here’s a quick 4-step method to create positive affirmations:
– Take some alone time to think about areas of your life you’d like to improve or how you’d like your life to be.
– Write down a list of the most important improvements that you’d like to make.
– Write down a few positive statements for each item on your list. Jot them down in the present tense, and make sure you focus on what you do want, not what you don’t.
– Post these affirmations around your home and read them frequently.
3. Associate and surround yourself with supportive people
Positive people have a positive effect on your thinking. Embrace the company of individuals who display a positive mindset. Doing so will inspire, empower, and motivate you to be your best.
As mentioned earlier, the brain has a default setting that remembers and holds onto negative events. People that are negative are no different. They will alter your way of thinking and you will, consciously or unconsciously, begin to mirror their behaviors, words, and thoughts. This makes it all the more important to mind the company that you keep.
Refuse the company of negative people by keeping in mind your end goal – developing habits that allow your brain to stay positive. Your mindset is more important than accommodating people that negatively affect your brain and slow your progress.
4. Ignore negative thoughts
Remember this: you are not your negative thoughts, period. Our negativity bias makes it probable that negative thoughts will surface at times throughout the day.
Negative thinking is simply tabloid material for the mind. There is no substance to tabloid material…it’s literally designed to attract the curious shopper into paying for useless and intellectually dishonest information. Publishers of tabloids rely on the impulses and misguided curiosity of people who see them.
The brain is the same way. It may be clever in how it presents the information, but in the end it’s void of anything that represents the facts. The facts are these: you are a person dedicated to improvement, you are positive in your outlook, and you innately know that you are a positive person.
When negative thoughts present themselves, don’t acknowledge them. Don’t wage a thought war by attempting to rationalize with them. You observe them, sure, that’s natural. Observation doesn’t indicate acknowledgment.
When you don’t engage negative thoughts, they fade away, in the same way, the desire to buy that tabloid magazine diminishes when you leave the store…and you’re better off as a result.
5. Stay active
Idleness gives provides ample time for the brain to overanalyze and overthink. The easiest solution is to simply recognize when your brain is taking you down this road and divert the course.
There are many ways to become active, but the best (by far) is exercise. Exercise releases endorphins, the hormones that are responsible for feelings of euphoria. It’s a natural antidepressant that far exceeds the capabilities of any prescription drug. Its positive effects are also long-lasting, remaining with you throughout the day.
Other benefits of exercise on the brain include:
– Oxygenizes the brain, improving its function
– Releases a plethora of hormones, aiding and providing nourishment for brain cells
– Stimulates brain plasticity by stimulating the growth in critical areas of the brain
– Improves learning and memory
– Reduces the risk of brain-related illness such as Alzheimer’s and dementia
Every day, I come across so many people who seem to have lost their spirit for the present and future. It breaks my heart to see people with so much potential choosing to give up due to their past experiences.
Whether it’s a family crisis, relationships or financial issues, problems that occur at an early age stick to a person’s mind like gum. I have noticed this in every age group- from terrified childhood to depressed teenage years and hopeless adult life.
Reasons may vary for different people but most of us are still trying to get over some horrible experiences. During this process, we develop a constant fear that they might happen again. With that, it is very important to work on your fears until you become free from their shackles confining your mind and body.
If you are going through this phase then let me tell you that you can actually leave those fears behind and move on to a better future. Life stops for no one. You have to accept the reality and move on.
Here’s how to be more positive in life.
1 Forgive Yourself
One person you keep blaming for every failure that you experience is yourself. You judge yourself too quickly and you keep blaming yourself for every disaster that happens in your life.
This time, you need to forgive yourself first. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s completely fine to be wrong sometimes so don’t be tough on yourself. Treat yourself as you treat your friends and family.
2 Don’t Give Your Past The Power
“It all begins and ends in your mind. What you give power to has a power over you.”
Don’t attach yourself with those sentiments that can’t be set to rewind. Go to a mountaintop and scream your heart out. Make sure you don’t keep those negative experiences inside.
3 Make A Memory Box
Create a box filled with little things from your childhood. If you lost your childhood stuff, you can start collecting things today. They can be as small as a rock or a leaf but if it reminds you of good times, then keep it in the box.
Whenever you are feeling down, open that box. It’ll make you smile while remembering those happy times.
I personally have a memory box and it always helps me on my bad days. It sends me back to those innocent days and I laugh on my own, feeling better than ever.
4 Share
According to Paulo Coelho, to move forward, it is necessary to remove the past. You have to take it all out to someone. You have to spill out the things that deep down are bothering you the most. A good conversation always helps. It gives you a new perspective.
He also said that history should be removed by telling your story to a complete stranger. It’s an interesting trick but make sure you don’t freak out someone in the process.
5 Consider Your Present A Blessing
If you are living even a 1% better life then yesterday, be thankful because millions are still stuck at the same point. The present is the most important part of life because it stays with you forever. The past will always be behind and the future will always be an uncertainty.
6 Be Proud of Your Scars
Why do you keep trying to hide your scars? They are your battle wounds and medals. It’s a lesson for you and the people around you. Be proud that you are a survivor and a warrior. Make sure to help those around you who are in need of inspiration.
“When you can tell your story without crying you know you’ve healed.”
If you are worried about what others might say about you, then you must accept your own reality first. If you know yourself, you will not be harmed by what others say about you. Once you accept the facts, people’s words won’t matter as long as you are clear with yourself.
7 Build Your Future
You can either sit in your room all day over thinking the scenarios that might not even happen again or you can start cementing the bricks of your future.
Life is so short and tomorrow could be your last day. Make sure you leave something behind for the world to remember. Always have big future plans and goals so you have something to wake up for every morning.
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Author: Mahnoor Tahsin
Mahnoor Tahsin is a media student who loves spirituality, capturing beauty and spreading positivity. Event Organizer, motivational writer and a media person,she tries to write articles which can benefit the readers.
As magnificent as you are, you aren’t born with an endless fountain of self-esteem. In fact, nobody is, not even Angelina Jolie — something I have to constantly remind myself of. While you’re full of magic on some days, strutting around like you’re the best thing invented since double-stuffed Oreos, it’s perfectly normal to also experience those mornings when you would rather crawl into the corner of your closet than face the world. Those are the days when you need some help feeling more self-confident.
Author and Fortune 500 executive Becky Blalock says our ancestors had to be cautious to survive, and that has been passed down through evolution, resulting in our occasional shy, inhibited moments. There’s nothing wrong with that — but you don’t want to get stuck in a state of constant shyness and fear, either. Luckily, she says, confidence can be reinforced with the right daily habits.
If you need motivation beyond yourself, remember: being confident is important humanitarian work. As the Dalai Lama says, “With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.” See? The world needs us to be vain from time to time, so don’t be afraid to tell yourself how fabulous and generally mind-blowing you are.
Here are 14 ways to be more self-confident every day.
1. Be Kind To Others
If you temporarily feel like you don’t mean much to the rest of the world, bring that homeless lady down the street a home-cooked meal. Or help out your elderly neighbor with her weekly cleaning routine. By doing selfless things for others, you will eventually convince yourself that you’re not so bad after all.
2. Wear Yellow
Psychologist Dr. Carole Kanchier from Calgary says that research has linked this color to calm energy and bright moods. How couldn’t it be? When was the last time the sun made you feel like crap? A marigold top is bound to remind you of all the reasons why you’re rad.
3. Stand Tall
If you’re slouching, you’re more likely to feel down and out about yourself. A study published in Health Psychology found that improving your posture is an “instant mood lift.” You immediately feel more confident, more assertive, more badass. Yep, that last one was scientifically proven, for sure.
4. Learn Something New
Download a trivia app on your phone or just read something new every day; you’ll be doing yourself a solid by placing the smallest amount of fresh information into your brain. You immediately cultivate a sense of satisfaction, which increases overall belief in yourself.
5. Clean Your Room
It’s the simplest lesson in Feng Shui — if you want a clear mind, clear out your bedroom. There’s a Japanese concept called esho funi , which means oneness of life and environment, and when you achieve it, you’re much more likely to be the owner of happy, uplifting thoughts.
6. Take A Selfie
Yes, really. Apparently, 65 percent of girls who saw their own smiling faces on social media reported that they felt more confident afterwards. When you see yourself happy and vibrant, you trick yourself into feeling that way, and suddenly you actually are. Remember that less is more, though. No need to take 20 in a row, or else you’ll get completely sucked into the Facebook vortex.
7. Set One Specific Goal — Then Do It
When we are filled with a sense of accomplishment, we are flooded with positive affirmations about ourself. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate goal, like finishing that memoir you’ve been half-heartedly considering writing since college. Even if you put something as simple as “call mom” on your to-do list, checking it off will give you an instant boost of joy and confidence.
8. Turn On Happy Music
Did you know music can make you feel more powerful? Now you do, so crank those tunes and let yourself dance it out. A good song can psychologically alter your state of mind; if it’s an upbeat melody with a happy message, you’ll quickly reach a state of dominance and confidence.
9. Try Something New
Being stuck in our comfort zone isn’t any fun, but it also stops us from feeling expansive. Make it a point to do something new on a daily basis, no matter how small it may seem. Try a different coffee shop, take another route to work, or just listen to a new album while you’re getting ready in the morning. That tiny feeling of adventure will make you feel bulletproof.
10. Ask For Help
Don’t think for a second that asking for assistance is a sign of weakness; we’re not meant to do everything on this planet alone, and it can actually be quite liberating to ask your co-worker for some help on that big project you’ve been slaving over. They’ll be flattered, and you’ll feel confident for being brave enough to ask for help.
11. Make A List Of All The Good Stuff In Your Life
Take out a piece of paper and write down all the things that are going right in your life, because there are so, so many. It’s easy to forget them when you’re not at your best, so the physical act of reminding yourself will bring you back to reality. In other words, be grateful; it sure beats being mopey.
12. Use Perfume (If You Like It)
Scent is arguably the most powerful sense, especially in regards to memory and emotion. Studies show that 90 percent of women who spritzed on a little perfume felt more confident than their fragrant-free friends. You can even get your hands on hair perfume these days, making that head toss even more effective when flirting.
13. Talk With Your Hands
Research from Colgate University shows that the part of the brain that controls movements and the region that is responsible for speech overlap; your hand gestures could actually make you believe your own words more strongly (think: Obama). Make sure your body language feels natural, and you’ll instantly seem more poised to everyone, including yourself.
14. Look At Pictures
Surround yourself with happy visual memories, and those past nuggets of delight will involuntarily bring smiles to your face, making you feel more confident and loved. Put up a few Polaroids in your office of you and your besties giggling at the beach; take a few minutes to scroll through those cute shots of you and your SO from last Christmas. You’ll promptly get a rush of bliss.
Images: Bustle Stock Photo; Giphy (15)
“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
I am constantly striving to see the positive in every aspect of my life. But it’s not always easy.
My dog is currently suffering from a disease from which she will never recover. My mind is still trying to adjust to my relatively new schedule of running Positively Present full time. My wallet is thinning out as I march forward on my entrepreneurial ventures. And, as I get older, I find myself moving in different directions from some of the people I’ve spent a great deal of time with.
My life—and all of our lives—is filled with challenges that make it very difficult to be positive sometimes.
However, I know that choosing to be positive has helped me the most in terms of becoming the person I want to be. Even when things are difficult, I know that being positive—and striving to make the best of whatever situation I’m in—really does make even the most challenging situations easier to bear.
More often than not, I find myself veering toward a positive attitude. (It’s something I never would have done years ago!) I firmly believe that this is because I’ve trained myself to be positive.
It doesn’t always come naturally for me—sometimes it’s a lot of work—but I’ve taken five steps that make it so much easier for me to see the good in life.
Step One: Believe a Positive Attitude is a Choice
This step was hard to take at first. I thought that people were either positive or negative (and I was in the latter category). I used to blame my negativity on all kinds of outside forces—fate, experiences, parents, relationships—but never really stopped to think that I could choose to be positive.
Teaching myself that positivity is a choice has been one of the greatest things I’ve ever done for myself.
Now when I find myself in a bad situation, I know that it’s up to me to find the good, to be positive regardless of what’s happening around me. I no longer point fingers and place blame. I realize that everything happens how it happens, and it’s up to me to choose how I want to feel about it. I am in control of my attitude, and no one can take that away from me.
Step Two: Rid Your Life of Negativity
If you want to live a positive, joyful life, you cannot be surrounded by negative people who don’t encourage your happiness.
As a negative person, I attracted negative people. When I decided to make the change to live a more positive life, I had to rid my life of the most negative influences in it. No one is perfect—and perfection isn’t the goal when it comes to positivity—but there were people in my life who were consistently negative, who constantly brought me down, and I had to stop spending so much time with them.
This, as you can imagine, wasn’t easy. It can hurt to distance yourself from people—even when you know they aren’t good for you or your current lifestyle.
In addition to removing negative influences from my, I also had to get rid of some of my own negative behaviors, such as drug and alcohol abuse. I had to take a step back and examine which behaviors were good for me and which were not.
I learned to focus on the positive things I was doing—such as working on my blog and cultivating new, positive relationships—and let go of the negative ones. This process was not easy and, to be honest, is still ongoing, but I know this: It’s hard to live a positive life when negative people and behaviors continually pull you down.
Step Three: Look For the Positive in Life
In every person, in every situation, there is something good. Most of the time it’s not obvious. We have to look. And sometimes we have to look hard.
The old me was content to sit back and just glance around. If I saw negative, I went with that feeling. I didn’t want to look harder or think too much about the good. I found it much, much easier to sit back and just accept what I saw (which was usually the bad).
Now, when I’m faced with a difficult or challenging situation, I think to myself, “What is good about this?” No matter how terrible the situation might seem, I always can find something good if I take the time to think about it.
Everything—good and bad—is a learning experience so, at the very least, you can learn from bad experiences. However, there’s usually even more to it than that. If you really take the time to look, you will usually find something good, something genuinely positive, about every person or situation.
Step Four: Reinforce Positivity in Yourself
Once I started thinking more positively, I realized I had to reinforce these thoughts and behaviors in myself so they would stick. As with any sort of training, the more you practice, the better you get—and, yes, you can practice being positive.
The best and easiest way to do this is to be positive when it comes to who you are. Tell yourself you’re awesome. Tell yourself you look good. Tell yourself you did a great job at work or raising your kids or whatever it is you do.
Be honest with yourself, but do your best to look for the good. And, whatever you do, don’t focus on the negative. It’s okay to not like everything about yourself, but don’t focus on what you don’t like. We all have positive attributes, and it’s up to you to remind yourself of them every day.
Step Five: Share Positivity with Others
Not only do you need to be positive with yourself for this training to really take effect, but you need to be positive with others. You have to share your wealth of positivity with the world.
The best way I’ve found to do this is quite simple and basic: Be nice to other people, no matter what. Tell someone s/he looks nice today. Tell someone s/he did a great job on that presentation.
Tell your parents or children (or both!) how much you love them and how great they are. When someone is feeling down, do what you can to cheer him or her up. Send flowers. Write notes. Don’t gossip. Be kind to all living things.
All of these things sound basic enough, but for someone like me, they didn’t come easily.
I never wanted to see the good in myself and, therefore, didn’t want to see it in others either. I used to be critical and condescending. Now I strive to be encouraging and supportive.
I try not only to treat others as I would like to be treated, but I also try to consider how they would like to be treated. People appreciate positivity, and the more you share it with others, the more you are practicing it your own life.
When you start feeling like the idea of being a positive person is daunting, remind yourself that all it takes is one small step in the right direction to move yourself toward a more positive attitude.
Believe in yourself and remember the most important lesson of all: A positive outlook is a choice that you can always make.
Lori’s Note: Dani just launched her first book, Stay Positive: Daily Reminders from Positively Present. She’s generously offered to give away three free copies—one hard cover, and two eBooks. Leave a comment on the post for a chance to win! You can enter until midnight PST on Friday, October 27 th . UPDATE: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!
You believe in your company wholeheartedly. There’s an entrepreneurial fire burning strong inside that motivates you to work harder each day.
Unfortunately, the same cannot always be said about your employees. In a 2015 SHRM Employee Job Satisfaction and Engagement survey, only 69 percent of employees felt they were consistently putting all their effort into their work.
If you’ve tried a variety of incentives but are still seeing the negative side effects of low motivation, you’re not alone. Sometimes even the best managers have to think outside the box to find creative and reliable ways to motivate their employees.
Here are 14 unique motivational techniques from other entrepreneurs that you can try with your employees:
1. Gamify and Incentivize
Although we haven’t implemented it yet, we’re developing a feedback system that rewards employees for engaging with our wiki and for learning how to use our application via our training videos. We further reward performance based on meeting certain goals. A proven motivator for students and employees alike is earning a “badge” or points for committing to certain tasks.–Blair Thomas, EMerchantBroker
2. Let Them Know You Trust Them
If you let them know you trust and depend on them, they will fill those shoes sooner than you think. A vote of confidence can go a long way. Let them know you trust them to do the best job possible and they will rarely disappoint you. Try it.–Ayelet Noff, Blonde 2.0
3. Set Smaller Weekly Goals
You want lofty ambitions, but set up smaller goals along the way to keep people in it. Rather than make a billion this year, focus on getting 100 new customers this week-something that will get you to that billion. Then reward the team for achieving the goal with an afternoon off, a party, etc. They will see that your goals are realistic and everyone benefits from working hard.–Nicolas Gremion, Free-eBooks.net
4. Give Your Employees Purpose
I am able to motivate my employees by giving them a purpose. When you accomplish that, they understand the vision better and are able to execute more strongly. In addition, by understanding their purpose and the purpose of the business, an employee is better able to understand how they fit into the big picture. –Vlad Moldavskiy, Mabbly, LLC
5. Radiate Positivity
I’m always pumping energy through the office. I’m really enthusiastic and want my staff to feed off that positive energy. Because culture is so important to me, I play music, have fun, joke around, and play games. We work hard, but we play hard too. You have to be in the moment and high-energy all the time! –Josh York, GYMGUYZ
6. Be Transparent
I am very open with employees about what’s happening at the highest level so there are no surprises and everyone has a chance to ask questions and give feedback. I want employees to feel included in big decisions and committed to the direction our company takes. This has helped to sustain motivation and increased company loyalty and pride.–Martina Welke, Zealyst
7. Motivate Individuals Rather Than the Team
Aligned incentives are the only true way to ensure everyone on a team is working toward a common goal. Framing the strategy in multiple ways ensures each stakeholder has a clear, personal understanding of how working together benefits himself and the team. This technique allows you to motivate the team to accomplish amazing things.–Ross Resnick, Roaming Hunger
8. Learn What Makes Each Employee Tick
Ask what they do and don’t like working on, share the big picture company goals, and respond to their questions. Discern their goals and then invest in their professional growth. During one-on-one check-ins, listen to their ideas, because they’re the best at what they do. Respect their personal schedules and non-work time, and don’t ever pit their goals/timelines against each other.–Heather McGough, Lean Startup Company
9. Reward Based on Feedback
We developed Valuebot-an app for Slack that calculates how many times each employee was praised-in order to send daily and monthly summaries. Whoever garners the most kudos wins various awards and recognition. Valuebot has helped us to visualize our culture and reiterate how much we support one another. The positive energy we create in the office helps us to attract and retain talent.–Stephen Gill,
10. Prioritize Work-Life Balance
We have a few fun incentives, like an in-office “phone booth” style machine that lets you grab dollar bills. It’s a fun little motivator that the sales team uses on a smaller scale. Otherwise, it’s also important to encourage employees to take vacation time. A culture that prioritizes work-life balance, yields increased productivity and overall happiness in the workplace.–Jesse Lipson, Citrix
11. Have an Open-Door Policy
It’s amazing how a simple “please” and “thank you” fares with employees. We simply speak to staff the way we would want to be spoken to. We also have an open-door policy when it comes to suggestions and ideas. When employees feel that their voice matters, they in turn feel confident about their positions in the company and that they have more at stake than just a paycheck.–Justin Beegel, Infographic World, Inc.
12. Let Them Lead
Motivating employees is not just about giving them vacation time-it’s about showing them they make a difference and are valued. Every time we have a meeting, whether large or small, we let a different team member lead the conversation and the topics discussed. Not only can they share their opinions and be heard this way, but they are motivated to make their words and ideas happen afterwards.–Miles Jennings, Recruiter.com
13. Show Them the Bigger Picture
It’s important that employees understand the bigger picture and can see how what they are doing in the moment will eventually contribute to an end goal. Give them tasks and projects to work on and make sure they understand how this fits into the big picture. Talented employees will go above and beyond what you expect of them.–Brian David Crane, Caller Smart Inc.
14. Create Recognition Rituals
At Convene, every management and executive meeting starts off with each department lead recognizing someone from their team who has gone above and beyond for the company or a client. This positive feedback loop motivates team members, and it holds management accountable for staff recognition.–Christopher Kelly, Convene
These are the top results from a survey of entrepreneurs on the topic of employee motivation tips provided by the Young Entrepreneur Council (YEC), an invite-only organization comprised of the world’s most promising young entrepreneurs. In partnership with Citi, YEC recently launched BusinessCollective, a free virtual mentorship program that helps millions of entrepreneurs start and grow businesses.
- Personal Success
- Sales Success
- Business Success
- Leadership Success
As an individual, you are continually faced with challenges, difficulties and temporary setbacks. They are an unavoidable and inevitable part of being human. By learning how to manage stress and respond with a positive attitude to each challenge, you’ll grow as a person and start moving forward in life. In fact, without those setbacks, you could not have learned what you needed to know and developed the qualities of your character to where they are today.
Much of your ability to succeed comes from the way you deal with life and manage stress. One of the characteristics of superior men and women is that they recognize the inevitability of temporary disappointments and defeats, and they accept them as a normal and natural part of life. They do everything possible to avoid problems, but when problems come, superior people respond with a positive attitude, learn from them, and keep moving forward in the direction of their dreams.
FREE REPORT: Goals! –by Brian Tracy
There is a natural tendency in all of us to react emotionally when our expectations are frustrated in any way. When something we wanted and hoped for fails to materialize, we feel a temporary sense of disappointment and unhappiness. We feel disillusioned and react as though we have been punched in the “emotional solar plexus”.
Manage Stress with a Positive Attitude
The optimistic person, however, knows how to manage stress in difficult situations and soon moves beyond this disappointment. He responds quickly to the adverse event and interprets it as being temporary, specific and external to himself. The optimist responds with a positive attitude, knows how to manage stress and counter the negative feelings by immediately reframing the event so that it appears positive in some way.
Since your conscious mind can hold only one thought at a time, either positive or negative, if you deliberately choose a positive thought to dwell upon, you keep your mind optimistic and your emotions positive. Since your thoughts and feelings determine your actions, you will tend to be a more constructive person, and you will start moving forward and more rapidly toward the goals that you have chosen.
It all comes down to the way you talk to yourself on a regular basis. In our courses of problem solving and decisions making, we encourage people to respond to problems by changing their language from negative to positive. Instead of using the word problem, we encourage people to use the word situation. You see, a problem is something that you deal with. The event is the same. It’s the way you interpret the event to yourself that makes it sound and appear completely different.
Even better than situation is the word challenge. Whenever you have a difficulty, immediately reframe it, choose to view it as a challenge, and start moving forward. Rather than saying, “I have a problem,” say, “I have an interesting challenge facing me.” The word challenge is inherently positive. It is something that you rise to that makes you stronger and better. It is the same situation, only the word that you are using to describe it is different.
The best of all possible words to maintain a positive attitude and manage stress is the word opportunity. When you are faced with a difficulty of any kind, instead of saying, “I have a problem,” you can say, “I am faced with an unexpected opportunity.” And if you concentrate your powers on finding out what that opportunity is—even if it is only a valuable lesson—you will certainly find it. As the parable says, “Seek and ye shall find, for all who seek find it.”
Moving Forward and Thinking Positive
Here are four ideas you can use to help you to maintain a positive attitude and manage stress:
First, resolve in advance that no matter what happens, you will not allow it to get you down. You will respond with a constructive and positive attitude. You will take a deep breath, relax and look for whatever good the situation may contain.
Second, neutralize any negative thoughts or emotions by speaking to yourself positively all the time. Say things like, “I feel healthy! I feel happy! I feel terrific!” As you go about your job, say to yourself, I like myself, and I love my work!” According to the law of expression, whatever is expressed is impressed. Whatever you say to yourself or others is impressed deeply into your subconscious mind and is likely to become a permanent part of your personality.
Third, remember that it is impossible to learn and grow and become a successful person without adversity and difficulties. You must learn to manage stress and rise above the difficulties in order to become a better person. Welcome each difficulty by saying, “That’s good!” and then look into the situation to find the good in it.
Finally, start moving forward in life by keeping your thoughts on your goals, dreams, and on the person you are working toward becoming. When things go wrong temporarily, respond by saying to yourself, “I believe in the perfect outcome of every situation in my life.” Resolve to maintain a positive attitude, be cheerful, and resist every temptation toward negativity and disappointment. View a disappointment as an opportunity to grow stronger, and about it to yourself and others in a positive and optimistic way.
Thank you for reading this post on maintaining a positive attitude and start moving forward in life. Please feel free to share your tips on how to manage stress by commenting below.
About Brian Tracy — Brian is recognized as the top sales training and personal success authority in the world today. He has authored more than 60 books and has produced more than 500 audio and video learning programs on sales, management, business success and personal development, including worldwide bestseller The Psychology of Achievement. Brian’s goal is to help you achieve your personal and business goals faster and easier than you ever imagined. You can follow him on Google+, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Linkedin and Youtube.
Who lives on the periphery of your community and why? Marginalized groups exist nearly everywhere. They are people who, for whatever reason, are denied involvement in mainstream economic, political, cultural and social activities.
Targeting or ignoring one group can ultimately affect the whole society. Leslie Lefkow, deputy director for Africa at the organization Human Rights Watch, said: “The problem of discriminating against or marginalizing minorities is one where you’re setting the precedent for the state to use discrimination. And in its most simple form, nobody should rest comfortably with that because you don’t know when that will be turned against you for whatever reason.”
The well-known “coexist” image in chalk (Courtesy of The Wandering Owl)
Stress, anxiety, anger or depression are normal byproducts of being marginalized. Lefkow said grievances that remain unaddressed can also stoke fires of civil unrest and violence that could devastate the entire community.
“When you also marry that discrimination with a crackdown on freedom of expression so that marginalized groups have no ability to peacefully voice their grievances, what space do you leave for citizens to protest or raise their concerns?” she asked.
The best way you can help end exclusion and isolation is to work on being a strong ally. That means educating yourself on the privileges your own group enjoys to better understand the perspectives of members of marginalized communities.
Here are five things you can do:
- Start paying attention to what you say. Most people already know to avoid generalizations and stereotypes. But most of us are still guilty of using language that causes offense even if we don’t mean to. Commonly used words like “gay,” “crazy” or “lame” are actually exclusionary, offensive and derogatory.
- Be willing to accept correction. Even the most well-meaning people make mistakes and have misunderstandings about others. When someone points out your errors, offer a sincere apology and be ready to learn from the experience. It will earn you much more respect than responding with defensiveness or anger.
- Be intolerant of intolerance. Are you willing to confront derogatory and hateful speech online? What about in person? What if the person is a friend or relative? The risk of staying silent is sending the message that discrimination and intolerance are values that you are willing to tolerate.
- Seek out marginalized voices and perspectives. Go online and look for activists, bloggers, authors, artists and other voices from marginalized communities. Their personal stories and experiences will greatly inform your point of view. If you have the opportunity to spend time with someone from a marginalized group, your most important job is to listen to them and learn.
- Educate your own community. Your voice is most effective within your own group since you are in the best position to confront its stereotypes and misunderstandings, some of which you may have overcome yourself. You also have a special access to them as an audience that other communities do not. Use it!
