How to encourage a parent to drink less alcohol

Ariane Beeston

The panic over mummy “wine-time” memes, may well be unfounded, according to new research which found that parents – particularly mums – are actually drinking less than adults who don’t have children.

The findings come from the South Australia Health and Medical Research Institute (SAHMRI) and have been published in the journal Drug and Alcohol Review.

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According to lead researcher, PhD candidate Jacqueline Bowden, on average, parents are 25 per cent less likely to put their long-term health at risk due to alcohol use. “We found parents are less likely to drink more than the recommended limit of two standard drinks per day, and also less likely to “binge” drink, which is classified as more than four standard drinks on the one occasion,” Ms Bowden said.

The data, which was drawn from the 2013 National Drug Strategy Household Survey, also showed that mums are most likely to follow recommended intake levels when their kids are less than two years old, between six and 11 years old or 15 years and over.

The pattern for fathers was different, however. Fathers were just as likely to exceed the guidelines for lifetime risk as men without kids – with one exception. Dads with children under two years old were less likely to exceed the guideline for short-term risk than non-fathers.

And, if you’ve ever been hungover with a baby, then you’ll probably understand why.

There was one key difference between the drinking behaviour of parents and non-parents, however.

“While we found fewer parents exceeding the guidelines for drinking alcohol, we also found that parents were more likely to drink alcohol at home (84.6 per cent) than non-parents (79.6 per cent),” Ms Bowden said. But she acknowledges that there’s a pretty simple explanation for that. “That’s perfectly understandable given parents, particularly of young children, are less likely to go out.”

What Ms Bowden and her colleagues did find interesting however, was the way mothers’ drinking behaviours changed depending on their child’s age. “The most surprising finding was the fact mothers with children heading into primary school and mothers of children aged 15 years and over were less likely to consume alcohol in excess of health guidelines than non-mothers,” she says, explaining that “Classical Role Theory” may underlie the findings.

What exactly does that mean in English? Put simply, it’s the parenting/work juggle.

“The greater the number of roles a person has (i.e. women returning to the workforce at the time their children start attending school), the less they will engage in higher volume drinking” Ms Bowden notes. When it comes to mums of teens, however, she says there’s likely to be a different reason. “It is highly probable (but more research is required) that when the child is aged 15 years and over, mothers may be responsible for transporting their children to parties and social engagements, and they may also see themselves more as role models when their children are this age,” she says.

But while parents might get a gold star over non-parents when it comes to exceeding alcohol guidelines, the authors warn that there are still many Aussie kids whose parents consume alcohol in excess on a regular basis. Approximately one in four Aussie fathers and one in ten Aussie mothers are drinking more than two standard drinks on average per day. And with much of that occurring in the home, what is needed is more research into the impact of this on our kids.

“The next step for us is to study whether that drinking in the home is in front of children, because we know how strongly parental behaviour influences children,” Ms Bowden says. “Parents are really important role models when it comes to influencing their child’s relationship with alcohol so we need to think about our drinking in front of their kids, even though that may be a little uncomfortable.”

As such, she offers the following tips:

• Parents should try to limit drinking in front of kids where possible (especially getting drunk)
• Avoid glamorising alcohol through stories about your own or other peoples’ drinking
• Avoid talking about drinking as a way to reduce stress.
• Parents should also try not to make drinking a key part of events and provide food and non-alcoholic beverages to guests.

Last year, research from the Institute of Alcohol Studies in the UK found that many of the 1,000 children surveyed, reported that seeing their parents drunk or tipsy made them think less of them as a role model, regardless of how much alcohol their parent had consumed.

Twenty nine per cent of parents reported that they thought it was okay to get drunk in front of their children as long as it wasn’t a regular occurrence. More than a quarter (29 per cent) said they had been drunk in front of their children and 51 per cent admitted being tipsy. The report also noted that kids do not seem to differentiate between seeing their parents “tipsy” and seeing them drunk.

For 15 per cent of parents, kids’ bedtimes had been pushed back after a drink or two of an evening. Arguing more than usual with their parents as a result of booze was true for around seven per cent of kids surveyed, with 7.5 per cent also admitting their parents argued more between themselves after consuming alcohol.

My 12-year-old daughter walked into the kitchen and said, “Wow, did you guys have a party last night?”

I looked at her quizzically and responded, “Why would you say that? You were here with us for most of the time.”

“But look at all the bottles,” she said as she poured her cereal.

How a Parent’s Drinking Affects your Child

I glanced over to my sink, where I saw four wine bottles lined up, ready for recycling. The truth was that my neighbors had come over for pizza and brought a few bottles of open wine left over from a party they had the prior weekend. No one had more than a glass or two, but I couldn’t help wondering what message my daughter received from seeing the empty bottles.

“Parental behavior is one of the strongest predictors of a child’s perception of alcohol,” says Lisa Leshaw, M.S., a clinical mental health counselor.

“Parents are role models and how they behave with and around alcohol sends a message to their children.”

That doesn’t mean moms and dads need to conceal or discontinue their occasional wine or beer, says Leshaw. “However, they should display responsible behavior.”

What responsible drinking looks like, though, is subjective. Some parents believe it is an occasional cocktail before dinner. Others think it’s handing over the keys to the car because you are inebriated.

According to Keith Klostermann, Ph.D., an assistant professor in the clinical mental health counseling and marriage and family therapy programs at Medaille College, responsible drinking is “not only how much or often you drink. It’s also the choices you make, such as abstaining when ill or taking medications, or being the designated driver.” Teens watch these decisions as well.

“Responsible drinking means that you never have to feel sorry for what happened while you were drinking.”

Many parents try to normalize alcohol use by allowing their teens to drink at home with parental supervision. The hope is that this will lead to more responsible behavior, but research suggests otherwise, says Klostermann. A recent Australian study published in The Lancet Public Health found that teens whose parents provided them with alcohol—usually with family for a special occasion—were more likely to binge drink during the six-year study. Allowing your son or daughter to drink alcohol at home makes alcohol seem less risky, says Klostermann.

On the flip side, never taking a sip of alcohol in front of your kids or avoiding it altogether may not prevent your teen from drinking, either. Even in that case, Leshaw explains, “kids will still experience a tug of war between your values and their peers.”

Even if a parent is not a drinker or waits until the child is not around to consume, teens are exposed to alcohol at every turn—in movies, television shows, and video games, at sporting events and parties, and even at Target or Whole Foods cafes. Our alcohol-saturated environment normalizes drinking without addressing the risks.

5 Ways to Encourage Responsible Drinking Behavior:

1. Engage in frequent conversation about alcohol.

Ongoing two-way communication regarding alcohol—with both teens and parents fully participating in the conversation—appears to be the most effective tool in preventing abuse. As part of this continuing conversation, there are messages that parents can share to help teens put their parents’ drinking in a healthy context.

2. Make it clear that binge drinking isn’t cool.

Parents should be wary of glamorizing their past experiences with alcohol from their youth, which may normalize the behavior.

3. Model a healthy attitude and behavior about alcohol.

Think about why you drink. Parents should be aware of how they convey their motivation for consuming alcohol. Teens should not hear (or observe) that drinking is a way to alleviate stress or cope with sadness.

4. Take alcohol use seriously.

Drinking is not a joke. Adults should refrain from casual jests that make light of alcohol use, such as referring to downtime as “wine o’clock” or to getting drunk as “partying.” “Glib comments about drinking seem harmless. But they may convey an unintended message of using alcohol as a coping strategy,” says Klostermann.

5. Make sure that alcohol is never the focus.

Alcohol is not an activity. Parents should convey to teens through their own words and actions that alcohol is an adjunct to gatherings and activities, and never the primary focus.

While it might be a little jarring to hear this coming from two addiction specialists on the front lines of clinical practice, alcohol can be a positive force in many people’s lives. Practitioners like us see a very skewed sample of drinkers– mostly those with severe alcohol problems that cause severe consequences. Not surprisingly, in our work with patients we concentrate more heavily on the real and present dangers of drinking than on the many positive reinforcing effects of alcohol.

But we cannot and should not overlook the fact that drinking alcohol for its mood-altering effects is a normative behavior that has been a part of the human experience for literally thousands of years. When used appropriately, alcohol can enhance landmark experiences, facilitate connection between strangers, help people relax and enjoy the moment, and create an atmosphere where new ideas and new connections spontaneously occur. Even the tea-totaling Shambhala Buddhists teach a class on mindful drinking because they consider it to be a tool to loosen the subtle cling of the ego (but only for the most highly evolved practitioners who have sufficient mastery over alcohol to turn a would-be poison into a positive force).

The fact is, only a small fraction of the vast alcohol-consuming population ever develops significant problems related to drinking. And, studies show that the overwhelming majority of people who do develop some type of problem with alcohol do not suffer from a moderate or severe alcohol use disorder or what was previously referred to as “alcoholism” or “alcohol dependence.”

So, what is the right role for alcohol in a person’s life? And how can those concerned about their drinking continue to enjoy the benefits and pleasures of alcohol without putting themselves at risk of suffering negative consequences? Here is the bottom line: The key to maintaining a healthy relationship with alcohol is to be mindful of when, where, why, how much, and how quickly you drink; to know when it’s time to say “when” or take a vacation from drinking; and, to have a set of personal guidelines for managing your alcohol consumption within reasonable limits. Since this is easier said than done, we offer some potentially helpful insights and tips.

How Much is “Too Much”?

There is no widely accepted medical definition of “moderate” drinking, but according to the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), “low-risk” alcohol use is defined as up to two drinks daily for healthy adult men and one drink daily for healthy adult women. (One drink equals one 12-ounce bottle of beer, one 5-ounce glass of wine, or 1.5 ounces of 80-proof distilled spirits). The NIAAA considers significantly exceeding these limits to be “heavy” or “at-risk drinking.” Keep in mind that these are upper limits– not recommended levels of drinking– based on actuarial statistics about the relationship between levels of alcohol consumption and certain types of health problems. People can still have alcohol-related problems within these limits, particularly if they drink too quickly, have medical or mental health problems, take medication that interacts adversely with alcohol, or are elderly. Risk factors can vary from person to person based on a variety of personal, genetic, and environmental variables. For example, people with depression, anxiety, trauma, or a family history of alcoholism may develop problems at lower levels of drinking than those not having these risk factors.

Mindful Moderate Drinking

Drinking mindfully is the key to drinking moderately. Mindful moderate drinking, as contrasted with thoughtless habitual drinking (which we often describe as “auto-pilot” drinking), means being fully conscious of your drinking in real time being mindful of how each drink is affecting your mood, behavior, thoughts, and body. Outlined below are some guidelines and strategies that can help facilitate mindful moderate drinking. Remember: Small changes can make a big difference, progress is often incremental, and it is important not to get discouraged by temporary setbacks if you find that you continue to drink more than you intend to on certain occasions. Caution: If you have any reason to think that you might be physically addicted to alcohol and at risk of suffering withdrawal symptoms (e.g., shakes, agitation, extreme anxiety, insomnia, seizures, etc.), it is essential that you consult a medical doctor before you significantly reduce your alcohol intake or stop drinking abruptly. Also, if you have tried repeatedly to moderate your drinking without success and simply find it too difficult to implement strategies like the ones listed below, then you might consider taking a break from drinking for a few weeks or months and/or seeking consultation from a healthcare professional. An addiction specialist that practices within a harm reduction model can help you decide whether a professionally-guided attempt at moderation or abstinence makes the most sense for you. In addition, U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved medications such as oral naltrexone, long-acting injectable naltrexone (Vivitrol), and acamprosate can help to reduce alcohol cravings and the urge to overdrink for a subset of individuals.

Ten Tips for Mindful Moderate Drinking

Steven Gans, MD is board-certified in psychiatry and is an active supervisor, teacher, and mentor at Massachusetts General Hospital.

Many binge drinkers and heavy drinkers decide that they want to start drinking responsibly. But with all the information out there about the dangers of alcohol, it can be difficult to know where to start.   You can learn how to drink responsibly in simple steps.

Establish Your Drinking Goal

Although it is a good idea to think about reducing your alcohol intake, check whether you are a suitable candidate for controlled drinking. Some people shouldn’t drink at all, especially if you have a history of addiction problems or a close relative who has or had an addiction or mental health problems.

Your drinking goal should be based on what is best for your long-term health, as well as what is realistic for you, your family and friends, and other aspects of your lifestyle.

If you realize you should quit completely, talk to your doctor about getting help with quitting alcohol and staying sober.   Depending on how much you have been drinking recently, it may not even be safe to quit cold turkey, and your doctor can prescribe medications to make it safer.

If you are a good candidate for controlled drinking, think about your goal and write it down.

Controlled Drinking Goals

Some possible controlled drinking goals include:

• I just want to drink at weekends.
• I want to lower my overall intake to a healthy amount.
• I want to be able to drink at parties and other events without getting drunk.

Assess Your Current Alcohol Intake

Keep a drinking diary for one week.   The most straightforward drinking diaries just record how much you drink each day, but the more you can keep track of, the better you will understand your own drinking patterns, and thus be able to control them.

Every evening (or the following morning, if you forget), write down how many drinks you drank, where you were when you were drinking, and with whom. Also write down any negative effects or situations that arose that you would like to avoid in the future, for example, “After my third beer, I got into an argument with Ben.”

This will give you a good idea of the times, places and people where your drinking tends to become excessive or problematic.

Calculate Your Safe Alcohol Limit

Your safe alcohol limit is based on your blood alcohol concentration and is the amount of alcohol you can drink in a single drinking session. It is based on several factors, including your sex, weight, and how quickly you drink.  

When you have figured out how many drinks you can drink, write it down, along with the drinking time period.

Purchase Alcohol in Small, Measured Amounts

Stocking up on wine, beer, and liquor is the quickest way to sabotage your plan to drink responsibly. For drinking at home, follow these tips:

• Buy only the amount of alcoholic beverage you identified in step 3, on the day you intend to drink it. If necessary, purchase individual cans or single serving or half-size bottles of wine.
• If you know you will want more drinks, but not more alcohol, purchase the same amount of alcohol-free or low-alcohol wine or beer.

Plan Your Journey Home

Even though you will be drinking at a sensible level, you will still be impaired and should not drive. Arrange for a ride home with a sober driver, or pre-book a cab. If that is too costly, plan your bus journey home so you know when to leave while the buses are still running.

Leave your car at home so you will not be tempted to use it. Get a ride or take a bus to your drinking event.

Pace Yourself

Drink only the amount you wrote down in step 3, and at the speed specified. If you want more to drink in between, drink water or alcohol-free or low-alcohol beverages.

Watch for Peer Pressure

Look at the drinking diary you completed in step 2. If there are any people who encourage you to drink too much, try to avoid them for the first month or so while you get used to your new style of drinking.

If you are constantly surrounded by peer pressure to drink, start making new friends who don’t drink as much.  

If At First, You Don’t Succeed.

It’s possible you may have an alcohol problem, in which case, talk to your doctor about getting help.   You may also find a self-help group, although 12 Step groups probably wouldn’t be a good choice unless you have decided to quit alcohol completely.

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Drinking alcohol undoubtedly is a part of American culture, as are conversations between parents and children about its risks. Alcohol affects people differently at different stages of life—for children and adolescents, alcohol can interfere with normal brain development. Alcohol’s differing effects and parents’ changing role in their children’s lives as they mature and seek greater independence can make talking about alcohol a challenge. Parents may have trouble setting concrete family policies for alcohol use. And they may find it difficult to communicate with children and adolescents about alcohol-related issues.

Research shows, however, that teens and young adults do believe their parents should have a say in whether they drink alcohol. Parenting styles are important—teens raised with a combination of encouragement, warmth, and appropriate discipline are more likely to respect their parents’ boundaries. Understanding parental influence on children through conscious and unconscious efforts, as well as when and how to talk with children about alcohol, can help parents have more influence than they might think on a child’s alcohol use. Parents can play an important role in helping their children develop healthy attitudes toward drinking while minimizing its risk.

Alcohol Use by Young People

Adolescent alcohol use remains a pervasive problem. The percentage of teenagers who drink alcohol is slowly declining; however, numbers are still quite high. About 24.5 percent of adolescents report drinking by 8th grade, and about 40.8 percent report being drunk at least once by 12th grade. 1

Parenting Style

Accumulating evidence suggests that alcohol use—and in particular binge drinking—may have negative effects on adolescent development and increase the risk for alcohol dependence later in life. 2,3 This underscores the need for parents to help delay or prevent the onset of drinking as long as possible. Parenting styles may influence whether their children follow their advice regarding alcohol use. Every parent is unique, but the ways in which each parent interacts with his or her children can be broadly categorized into four styles:

• Authoritarian parents typically exert high control and discipline with low warmth and responsiveness. For example, they respond to bad grades with punishment but let good grades go unnoticed.
• Permissive parents typically exert low control and discipline with high warmth and responsiveness. For example, they deem any grades at all acceptable and fail to correct behavior that may lead to bad grades.
• Neglectful parents exert low control and discipline as well as low warmth and responsiveness.For example, they show no interest at all in a child’s school performance.
• Authoritative parents exert high control and discipline along with high warmth and responsiveness. For example, they offer praise for good grades and use thoughtful discipline and guidance to help improve low grades. 4

Regardless of the developmental outcome examined—body image, academic success, or substance abuse—children raised by authoritative parents tend to fare better than their peers. 5 This is certainly true when it comes to the issue of underage drinking, 6 in part because children raised by such parents learn approaches to problem solving and emotional expression that help protect against the psychological dysfunction that often precedes alcohol misuse. 7 The combination of discipline and support by authoritative parents promotes healthy decisionmaking about alcohol and other potential threats to healthy development. 8

Modeling

Some parents wonder whether allowing their children to drink in the home will help them develop an appropriate relationship with alcohol. According to most studies this does not appear to be the case. In a study of 6th, 7th, and 8th graders, researchers observed that students whose parents allowed them to drink at home and/or provided them with alcohol experienced the steepest escalation in drinking. 9 Other studies suggest that adolescents who are allowed to drink at home drink more heavily outside of the home. 10 In contrast, adolescents are less likely to drink heavily if they live in homes where parents have specific rules against drinking at a young age and also drink responsibly themselves. 11 However, not all studies suggest that parental provision of alcohol to teens leads to trouble. For instance, one study showed that drinking with a parent in the proper context (such as a sip of alcohol at an important family function) can be a protective factor against excessive drinking. 12 In other contexts, parental provision of alcohol serves as a direct risk factor for excessive drinking, as is the case when parents provide alcohol for parties attended or hosted by their adolescents. Collectively, the literature suggests that permissive attitudes toward adolescent drinking, particularly when combined with poor communication and unhealthy modeling, can lead teens into unhealthy relationships with alcohol.

The editorial staff of Rehabs.com is comprised of addiction content experts from American Addiction Centers. Our editors and medical reviewers have over a decade of cumulative experience in medical content editing and have reviewed thousands of pages for accuracy and relevance. Our reviewers consistently monitor the latest research from SAMHSA, NIDA, and other reputable sources to provide our readers the most accurate content on the web.

Last updated on November 4th, 2019

If you are concerned that someone close to you might have a problem with alcohol, your instinct reaction is probably that you wish you could get him or her to stop drinking. However, doing so is not easy, and it’s a path on which you have to be careful how you tread. It’s certainly something you’ll want to think about before approaching. After all, you really don’t want to open an unnecessary can of worms.

Getting someone to get sober and stop drinking alcohol is hard because alcoholics become emotionally attached to the substance. Those who abuse alcohol drink because they are dependent on the substance. Given this alone, the most important thing you can do to help someone who is drinking too much is to have open communication.

Perhaps the best first step to take is to schedule time to meet with the friend or family member you are concerned about. It’s very important that this is a private meeting and that it takes place somewhere you are both comfortable. It’s very important that the person is sober when this conversation takes place. Tell him or her you have something serious you’d like to discuss and take it from there.

Once you two are alone, you can ask the pertinent questions. You can approach the conversation in different ways, but what is most important is that you get to the problems that are at the root of your friend or family member’s alcohol abuse. Alcohol itself is not usually the real problem. People most often drink alcohol because there are other things going on in their life that they want to forget about, that they want to escape. Keeping this in mind, addressing the issue is often the hardest part of trying to get someone to stop drinking. It’s likely he or she won’t want to talk about the issue, and it’s also likely this person is in denial that he or she even has an alcohol problem.

However, when you do get through, it’s important that you ask your loved one about his or her drinking routine. This is pertinent information that will give you insight into why exactly he or she drinks—what causes him or her to pick up a bottle and how long those sorts of incidents last (this is likely to be based on the extremity of the incident). In addition, it’s just as important that you are observant of your loved one’s actions surrounding alcohol when you go out together.

Once you have a better understanding of what your friend or family member is going through, you will have a better idea of why he or she reacts to alcohol the way he or she does, and you’ll also feel more confident about confiding in another mutual friend or relative about the situation at hand.

Getting someone to stop drinking alcohol takes more than a singular effort. Alcohol can seriously affect relationships between friends and family members, so it’s important to speak to others who are also close to your loved one to determine how they see the situation. Gaining alternative perspectives on what might be a serious issue is a good indicator of whether there is a problem. If these people show their support and bring up the topic of a potential alcohol problem with your loved one, there is more of a chance that he or she will realize that it’s time to seek help or addiction treatment.

Referring your loved one to an alcohol or drug rehab program is a hard but necessary step to take if you and your mutual friends have come together and determined there is indeed a problem. Talking to your friend or family member about his or her alcohol use can be very difficult, as established, so it’s important not to aggravate the problem or insist that he or she stop drinking altogether. The last thing you want to do is to be a nag.

Perhaps the best thing you can do in a difficult case is refer your friend or family member to a professional who can provide coaching or addiction therapy on alcohol abuse. A community health center is a great place to start, as it will provide you with many local resources you can use to get started. Remember, even in the most difficult of situations, the most important thing of all is that your loved one knows you are there for him or her and that you are only trying to help.

What would you do with that money if treatment was affordable? Find out if your insurance covers treatment now!

Many of us are concerned that at some stage we, and our teens, will come face to face with the issue of alcohol and teenage drinking.

Helping them keep safe is part of being a parent. Your advice and support is critical even though it may not always be welcomed.

Advice for parents of children and young people under 18 years

The advice from Te Hiringa Hauora/Health Promotion Agency is –

Not drinking alcohol is the safest option for children and young people under 18 years.

Those under 15 years of age are at the greatest risk of harm from drinking alcohol and not drinking in this age group is especially important.

For young people aged 15 to 17 years, the safest option is to delay drinking for as long as possible.

If 15 to 17-year-olds do drink alcohol, they should be supervised, drink infrequently and at levels usually below and never exceeding the adult daily limits.

What you can do

As a parent or caregiver, there are things you can do to help reduce the impact of alcohol on your teenage children. They may not be easy for everyone but these are the things that are proven to make the most difference in young people’s drinking.

Delay

Delay your teenager’s introduction to alcohol as long as possible. Most teens obtain alcohol from a parent, caregiver or other family member.

Although you may feel that introducing alcohol to your teenagers is a way of teaching them to be responsible, research shows that the younger your kids or teens start drinking, the more likely it is that they will go on to drink harmfully in their late teens and adult life.

Delaying starting drinking can help them avoid a range of harms.

Small amounts

Teenagers have lower tolerance to alcohol than adults and suffer disproportionally harm from alcohol use. If you decide to supply your teen with alcohol, give only small amounts and never exceed the low risk daily maximum amounts for adults.

Parties and supervision

Consider having an alcohol-free party if children and teens will be there.

If you are having a party where alcohol is being served, you or a trusted adult need to actively supervise the party. Your involvement needs to be visible. Even if you don’t stay in the same room all the time, young people will be safer if adults are moving through the party regularly. Serving food achieves this effortlessly.

If your teen is going to a party where alcohol is present, the adult hosts must have your express consent to supply alcohol to your teenager. This is the law.

When contacting the host, it is also the perfect time to ask about time and place, supervision, alcohol and transport arrangements, and staying over. You may get a hard time on this front from your teenager but persist. Do it openly. Tell them it’s not about lack of trust, but it is simply the law and you are looking out for their safety.

Role modelling

As parents or caregivers, you are probably the most important role model in your children’s lives.

From the start, the attitude you model towards alcohol and the way you drink influences whether, or how, your child will drink in the future.

If you drink, model low-risk drinking. Establish and follow your personal rules for drinking responsibly, and be prepared to explain these rules to your teenager. When you don’t ‘walk the talk’, this adds to the conflicting messages young people receive around alcohol.

If you have young adults (18+) living at home, encourage them to be good role models for their younger family members.

Good relationships

Having a close and supportive relationship with your teenager is a hugely protective influence. Teens are less likely to misuse alcohol if parents are involved in their life in positive ways. A good relationship with your teenager will influence how effective your efforts are in protecting them from alcohol misuse, and increase the likelihood that they will seek help from you if they are faced with an issue regarding alcohol.

Discuss your expectations around their alcohol consumption –

• Spell them out and discuss why they’re important.
• Be reasonable. Being either too strict or too easygoing doesn’t work.
• Decide together what should happen when rules are broken, such as a grounding, loss of privileges, extra chores.
• Follow through and apply the consequences. Both parents need to agree on and stick to the same rules – particularly if they’re not living together. If your partner or ex won’t support you, get other family members or friends to help.

Ways to build and maintain a good relationship with your teenager –

• Set a good example.
• Let them know they’ve ‘got what it takes’.
• Regularly demonstrate you care about them.
• Be consistent and create open communication between yourself and your teen is vital.
• Follow through on promises and enforce rules to build trust.
• Be involved in their life.
• Help them feel good about themselves.
• Help them deal with problems and stress.

What parents do, how they communicate their expectations and whether they supply alcohol can influence their child’s choices about alcohol. 1

Programs that teach about alcohol at school and help inform parents about alcohol-related harm and the influence they can have on their child’s drinking intentions or behaviours should be part of a comprehensive approach to preventing and reducing alcohol-related harm. 22

Schools are in a position to have what they teach at school reinforced at home by providing parents with some key information that will equip parents to continue discussion about alcohol at home and to understand the reasons why no one should supply alcohol to under 18’s. 16

A ‘Parent Engagement Kit for Secondary Schools – Working with parents to reduce alcohol-related harm among young people’ has been developed, to assist secondary school communities to deliver key information about alcohol to parents/guardians of 12 to 17 year olds to encourage them to continue educating and talking with their children about alcohol.

These materials can be easily downloaded from the Kit Resources folder below.

For help with implementing strategies outlined in the kit please contact either the:

• School Drug Education and Road Aware (SDERA) via [email protected] or on (08) 94026267.
• Community Programs team of the Drug, Alcohol and Prevention Services Division at the Mental Health Commission via [email protected] or on (08) 9370 0333.

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Beecroft, M 2015, email, 23 November

Drug and Alcohol Office and Department for Communities Office for Youth 2012, ‘Hosting a Party for Teenagers’, Drug and Alcohol Office and Department for Communities Office for Youth, Perth.booklet.

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Hayes, L., Smart, D., Toumbourou, J.W., and Sanson, A. (2004). Parenting influences on adolescent alcohol use. Australian Institute of Family Studies. Research Report no. 10, November 2014.Toumbourou. J (Professor and Chair in Health Psychology at Deakin University), unpublished 2010.

Hickie, I.B., & Whitwell, B,G. (2009). Alcohol and The Teenage Brain: Safest to keep them apart. BMRI Monograph 2009-2. Brain & Mind Research Institute, Sydney.

International Agency for Research on Cancer. Monographs on the evaluation of carcinogenic risks to humans: alcohol drinking. Volume 44. Lyon: IARC. 1988.

Jackson, L, Barnett, N, Colby, S & Rogers, M 2015, ‘The Prospective Association Between Sipping Alcohol by the Sixth Grade and Later Substance Use’, Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs’ vol. 76, pp.10.

Jones, SC 2015, ‘Don’t adjust your set – this is reality: Addressing community misconceptions about underage drinking’, in possession of the author, Australian catholic University, Melbourne.

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Monti P, Miranda R, Nixon K, Sher K, Swartzwelder H, Tapert S, White A, Crews F. Adolescence: Booze, Brains, and Behavior. Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research 2010; 29(2):207–220.

National Drug Research Institute (2007).Restrictions on the sale and supply of alcohol: Evidence and outcomes. Perth: National Drug Research Institute, Curtin University of Technology.

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July 21, 2000 — Must heavy drinkers “admit powerlessness over alcohol” — the first of Alcoholics Anonymous’ 12 steps — and strive for abstinence, or can they, through force of will and pharmaceuticals, learn to “moderate” their drinking? Although moderation is an accepted treatment goal in Europe, the approach is generally viewed with a skepticism approaching rancor by much of the U.S. medical establishment.

The long-standing debate returned to the fore this month, when two heavy-hitters from the world of addiction treatment made headlines.

First, Audrey Kishline, founder of alcohol treatment organization Moderation Management (MM), pleaded guilty to vehicular homicide after killing a man and his 12-year-old daughter while driving drunk. The accident occurred shortly after Kishline renounced MM’s controlled-drinking approach and began attending AA.

Also, Alex DeLuca, MD, former director of New York’s renowned Smithers Addiction Treatment and Research Center, which has treated such celebrities as Truman Capote, resigned his post after the St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital governing body rejected his appeal to adopt MM as a “kinder, gentler” alternative to the center’s abstinence-based approach.

Though unrelated, the incidents underscore the seriousness of the controversy, “at the crux of which is ignorance of or refusal to accept that problem drinkers differ from alcoholics,” says National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) spokeswoman Ann Bradley. “The press has lumped them together,” fueling the controversy, she says.

To clarify, “alcohol abuse is a constellation of problems related to alcohol use that stop short of . addiction, [whereas] alcoholism entails dependence [or addiction],” Bradley says. “In this country, most doctors believe that abstinence is the appropriate treatment for alcohol dependence,” while extensive data indicate that “for alcohol abusers, cutting back is a reasonable goal,” she says.

“We in Moderation Management agree fully with that statement,” says Marc Kern, PhD, member of MM’s board of directors, and founder and director of Addiction Alternatives in Los Angeles. “I don’t know if it’s the Puritan ethic or what,” he says, “but there is a fundamentalist view of alcohol treatment in this country.” Those who are “up in arms about this have preconceived notions that we’re prescribing [moderation] for everyone, which is not the case,” he tells WebMD.

Continued

Kern says that his approach suggests moderation as the initial goal for all drinkers, but for some, it simply will not work. When, after repeated failures, they realize that moderation is not possible for them, the idea of becoming abstinent becomes a bit easier to take than it might have been were it offered as the first, and only, option, he says. “Every single person in AA has tried moderation management,” he says. “They just did it on their own, without the [World Health Organization] guidelines, techniques, and tools we provide to support them.”

Among the available tools are medical alcohol deterrents — from the old-standby Antabuse, to gentler, safer drugs like naltrexone (ReVia) and acamprosate. Already available by prescription in the U.S., naltrexone, which some believe can be used indefinitely as needed, can help curb the urge to drink and reduce alcohol intake. Acamprosate, which is expected to gain FDA approval within the year, can help weaned drinkers maintain abstinence. Unlike Antabuse, neither of these new drugs causes physical illness if taken with alcohol.

When moderation attempts fail, says Max A. Schneider, MD, clinical professor of addiction medicine at the University of California-Irvine College of Medicine, it’s likely the person is among the one in 10 drinkers who are especially sensitive to alcohol’s brain-altering effects.

“They may not even feel the buzz,” he tells WebMD, but the brain alterations that lead to compulsive drinking “are there nonetheless.” Each drink brings these individuals a step closer to addiction, he says. Schneider also is immediate past chairman of the board of directors of the National Council on Alcohol and Drug Dependence, and a past president of the American Society of Addiction Medicine.

According to Schneider, the evidence that alcoholism is a disease with genetic elements is overwhelming and undeniable. “Docs who still think [otherwise] are living in the 1950s and don’t know what they’re talking about,” he tells WebMD. “It has nothing to do with willpower, it has to do with brain cells, and what we end up with is a disorder, a brain disease.” And for these people, moderation is no more realistic a goal than trying to will oneself taller.

Continued

To help doctors and patients identify problem drinking, Schneider suggests asking the following questions, referred to as “C.A.G.E.” questions, developed by John Ewing at the University of North Carolina in 1971:

• Have you ever felt that you should Cut down?
• Have you ever felt Angry because people asked about your drinking?
• Have you ever felt Guilty about your drinking?
• Have you ever needed an Eye-opener (another drink or lots of coffee to get you going) in the morning?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, “you should take that as a warning,” Schneider says. “If you answer yes to two, you have a problem.” The tell-tale signs of alcohol dependence or addiction include:

• a compulsion or craving to drink
• a loss of control over how much and how often you drink
• continued drinking in spite of negative life consequences, such as family trouble or physical illness

“If you lose your ability to control your drinking and your behavior associated with it, then you’ve got a problem,” Schneider tells WebMD. “It’s not so much the amount you drink — it’s what it does to you.”

Bradley suggests doctors provide blood tests to patients. Although they can’t be used to find out if a patient is dependent or not, they “can help reveal years of heavy drinking and the beginning of [bodily] damage.” These are laboratory tools that the doctor can use to “let a drinker know where they stand,” she tells WebMD. And given the dangers of abruptly quitting alcohol, such information could be potentially life saving for alcohol-dependent patients, she says.

Many young people start experimenting with alcohol during their teenage years, especially when they’re socialising. It can be difficult to strike a balance between keeping your teen healthy and safe and giving them the freedom to experience their teenage years to the fullest. By role modelling moderate drinking behaviours and setting clear expectations, you can teach your teen how to manage the effects of alcohol.

Why do teenagers drink?

Alcohol plays a significant role in Australian culture, and teens are generally aware of that. Most teens will want to join in on the cultural activities that their peers or role models are doing, so they may drink to celebrate an achievement or to fit in at a party.

If their drinking behaviour becomes excessive or irresponsible, it can have serious consequences. It’s important that teenagers understand the risks associated with alcohol and, if they still choose to drink, to learn ways to do it safely.

What does alcohol do to a developing brain?

Alcohol affects a young brain more than a fully developed adult one. Developmental processes are still happening in the brain until around age 26.

If your teen drinks alcohol, it can cause irreversible changes to their brain, particularly to the area that’s responsible for rational thinking. Damage to this part of the brain before it’s fully developed can lead to learning difficulties, memory problems and impaired problem solving. The longer your teenager delays using alcohol, and the less they drink, the better their brain functioning will be, both now and in later life.

Other risks of alcohol use for teenagers

Alcohol can affect how teenagers function, how they recognise risks, and their ability to make good decisions. Drinking makes teens more likely to put themselves in risky situations, which may result in harm to themselves or others.

Alcohol is a depressant, which means that it slows down the brain. The more alcohol is consumed, the greater the effect. This can lead to:

• slurred speech
• poor judgment
• lack of coordination
• slower reactions
• confusion
• heightened sense of confidence
• poor sleep.

What to do if your teenager drinks

It’s likely that at some stage your teenager will drink, in spite of all the risks. Recent research has shown that 75 per cent of 12–17-year-olds admit to having tried alcohol.

The only way to eliminate the risks associated with alcohol use during the teenage years is to encourage your child not to drink. It can be useful to talk to them about the pros and cons of drinking, and talk about ways of having just as good a time but without alcohol.

But, knowing that your teen will probably be exposed to alcohol, it’s probably more realistic that you set clear boundaries about how they consume it. Read Things to try: Alcohol for tips on doing this.

Reducing the harmful effects of alcohol

Parents can help reduce the harmful effects of alcohol on their teenager by setting clear expectations about what is acceptable and unacceptable drinking behaviour during their child’s early teens and beyond. This conversation is one you’ll have to repeat throughout their teenage years. Set good standards that your teen can learn from by role modelling responsible drinking behaviours yourself.

It’s common for parents to think that if they allow their teenager alcohol in moderation while they’re in a safe environment, such as a glass of wine with dinner at home, this will lead to a better relationship with alcohol. But research tells us this isn’t the case. Parents should actively encourage their teenager to delay drinking any alcohol for as long as possible.

Positive guidance – it’s one of the greatest powers parents have. As your kid’s number one role model, it’s up to you to shape their perception of right and wrong.

Kids are interested in what’s going on around them, and seeing how their role models use alcohol is part of this. Research shows that parents have the greatest impact on shaping their kid’s attitude to alcohol and future drinking behaviour. The role alcohol plays in your life will have an effect on them too.

Your teen will probably challenge you about your own drinking behaviours. Teens want to be treated like adults, which may mean discussing drinking alcohol at home, asking to take alcohol to parties or drinking with their friends.

Therefore, it is important that you set the right example and that you have open and frank conversations with them about your expectations.

How to shape your kids’ attitudes towards alcohol

• They might ask you about alcohol and what it’s like to drink it. Always answer honestly, but avoid glorifying intoxication.
• Explain the importance of drinking moderately and why only adults should consume it. Ask them how they feel about their parents drinking alcohol. What attitudes do they have about alcohol? This will help you reflect on your own drinking behaviours, open up communication with your kids and set boundaries for the future.
• Inevitably, your teen will ask if you’ve been drunk. Be upfront and honest – you want them to be honest with you. Admit that you’ve learnt a lesson and that you expect your kids, your friends and yourself to act responsibly.
• Lead by example, and limit the amount of alcohol you consume. If you don’t want your kid to think drinking to excess is acceptable, display self-restraint and demonstrate responsible drinking.
• Encourage friends and family to be good role models for your kids.
• Don’t drink alcohol every day, and encourage non-alcoholic gatherings with friends and family. Alcohol should never be the focus of a get together – show your kids that you can enjoy yourself without alcohol.
• Avoid people and places that will have a negative impact on your kids’ attitudes to alcohol.

Listen to Dr Andrew Rochford and Rob de Castella discuss the importance of the parents role modelling positive behaviour in the videos below. You can also check out the DrinkWise DELAY five point plan for tips and advice on how to be a positive influence and decrease the risk of your teen misusing alcohol.

If you are worried about your child’s use of drugs or alcohol, here is our advice and information on where you can get help.

Find out more

For more tips on how to support your child with their mental health and wellbeing, and where to get help take a look at our parents support guide .

Substance misuse is one of the most common and yet preventable risks to a young person’s health and development. All drugs have the potential to cause harm some can be addictive and using drugs in combination can increase risk.

Alcohol and tobacco are strongly addictive; both legal and illegal drugs and their use amongst teenagers and young adults is widespread. Illegal drugs include cannabis, cocaine, ecstasy and heroin. Teenagers are likely to experiment, test boundaries and take risks. Smoking, drinking and trying drugs is one of the most common ways in which young people do this. There are things you can do to help your child, but if you think your child may be using alcohol or drugs to help them cope with worries or mental health problems, go to your GP.

These are things that may really make a difference:

1. Be a responsible role model. You will influence your child’s attitudes about alcohol and drugs well before they have their first experience with them.
2. Talk openly and honestly about alcohol whenever your children start asking you questions about it – the reasons why you enjoy it (sociability, relaxation), the drawbacks (hangovers, sickness, bad skin) as well as the dangers and risks alcohol poses.
3. Make conversations about alcohol, drugs and safe choices part of the day-to-day rather than a one-off ‘big talk’.
4. Help your child learn to make safe and healthy decisions.
5. Be clear about the connections between drink and drugs, and their capacity to boost confidence and self-esteem. Help your daughter/son to strengthen their sense of wellbeing in healthier ways – exercise, sport, music, friends, encouragement etc.
6. Find out what you can about the law and the health and safety risks associated with under-age drinking.
7. Find out what you can about illegal drugs, their names, their effects, so that you can be well informed.

Where can I get help?

• Support groups that help people share their experiences and solve their problem of alcoholism
• Freephone UK helpline: 0800 9177 650
• Email: [email protected]

• Provides information on treatment services for young people, adults and families with problems with drugs and alcohol. 120 services across UK – check if your postcode is covered.
• Email: [email protected]

• Provides support to families affected by alcoholism
• Helpline: 020 7403 0888 (Daily 10:00 – 22:00)

• Provides support for teenage relatives and friends of alcoholics
• Phone: 020 7593 2070

• Helping families affected by drugs and alcohol find local support groups.

• Listen to 33 young people in their own homes share their personal stories on film about the experience of drugs and alcohol.

• An independent charity working to reduce alcohol misuse and harm in the UK, helping people make better choices about drinking.
• A special section offers advice, tips and facts for parents of underage drinkers.

• For people who are concerned about their drinking, or someone else’s drinking regardless of the caller’s age, gender, sexuality, ethnicity or spirituality.
• Freephone helpline: 0300 123 1110 (weekdays 09:00–20:00, and weekends 11:00-16:00)

• Information and advice for parents about alcohol and drugs and underage drinking

• Provides confidential advice and information about drugs, including legal highs and advice for young people & parents
• Helpline: 0300 123 6600 (24hours)
• SMS: 82111
• Email: [email protected]
• Webchat (14:00-16:00)

As teenagers push the boundaries they may experiment with alcohol to feel more grown up. Keeping these ‘grown up’ things from their parents is part of them exercising their independence.

Is it ok to let your kids drink at home?

While parents have differing views on this subject, there is no strong evidence to suggest that providing alcohol to your child at home teaches them to drink responsibly. Instead, behaviours are often learnt by teens watching parents and other role models with alcohol.

Research shows that teens are less likely to drink if parents communicate they don’t want them drinking, don’t provide alcohol, and set rules and boundaries, as well as setting consequences if these are broken.

Dealing with a drunken teen

If your teen comes home intoxicated, you have a problem that needs to be dealt with quickly. It’s normal to feel disappointed, but it’s also not the time to overreact. As a parent, it’s up to you to take control and manage the situation appropriately. You have to be firm and decisive in what to do next.

It may be years before your teen lets on about their first experience with alcohol, but the signs are there and unmistakable. Some of the more obvious things to look out for include slurred speech, the smell of alcohol on their breath or clothes and a change in mood or demeanour.

Raise the issue with them calmly and rationally:

• If you suspect they have been drinking, explain that you are aware they are probably drinking, and that you are concerned about their actions.
• If they come home drunk, wait until they have sobered up and then put them to bed. Let them know you’ll talk to them the next morning. By then hopefully you’ll be calmer, and they may be slightly hungover and more likely to accept your opinion and guidance.
• Explain the range of risks involved with drinking. They may not agree but they need to understand where you are coming from, and why you are concerned.
• Try to find out what has led to this incident – it may not be “just a stage”. (is it due to peer pressure? Boredom? Curiosity?)
• Set clear boundaries and outline your expectations.
• Seek help from your GP or health professional if you are worried it’s becoming regular behaviour.
• Most importantly, make sure your teen knows you will always be there for them, and that they can call you if they run into trouble, whatever happens and at whatever time.

Delaying the introduction of alcohol for as long as possible starts at home – it’s one of the most important things you can do as a parent. DrinkWise has developed the DELAY five point plan to assist parents to talk to their teens.

With Drinking, Parent Rules Do Affect Teens’ Choices

New research finds that socializing kids to drink at the family table — often referred to as the “European drinking model” — doesn’t necessarily translate to more responsible drinking patterns. Marco Di Lauro/Getty Images hide caption

New research finds that socializing kids to drink at the family table — often referred to as the “European drinking model” — doesn’t necessarily translate to more responsible drinking patterns.

Marco Di Lauro/Getty Images

As teenagers mature into their senior year of high school, many parents begin to feel more comfortable about letting them drink alcohol. But new research from brain scientists and parenting experts suggests loosening the reins on drinking may not be a good idea in the long run. And, researchers say, parents’ approach to addressing teen drinking does influence a teen’s behavior.

Brain researchers are finding that alcohol has a particularly toxic effect on the brain cells of adolescents. That’s because their brain cells are still growing, says Susan Tapert, a professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Diego.

The regions of the brain important for judgment, critical thinking and memory do not fully mature until a person is in his or her mid-20s. Tapert found that alcohol can damage the normal growth and development of a teenager’s brain cells in these regions.

“Adolescents who engage in binge drinking (that is, having five or more drinks on occasion for boys, or four or more drinks on occasion for females) tend to show some brain abnormalities in their brain’s white matter. That’s the fibers that connect different parts of our brains,” she wrote in a recent study.

And if binge drinking continues, within two to three years, Tapert says, it can result in subtle declines in a teen’s thinking and memory. She reports declines in attention and memory among the teens who had engaged in binge drinking.

“Teenagers who initiate heavy drinking actually go downhill relative to kids who do not initiate heavy drinking during adolescence on several measures of cognitive function,” she says

There is a lot of variability among individuals, but Tapert concludes that for some teens there may be no safe level of alcohol use. She saw negative effects in thinking and memory in teens after just 12 drinks in a month, or two or three binge drinking episodes a month.

The Role Of Parents

So if parents want to give a “no alcohol” message to their teens, what can they do? Alcohol researcher Caitlin Abar from Pennsylvania State University found that parents’ efforts do play a role in shaping their teens’ behavior. She studied how parents deal with their high school teenagers regarding alcohol use while still at home, and she then checked after the teens’ first semester of college. Her study of 300 teenagers and their parents was published recently in the journal Addictive Behaviors.

“Parents who disapproved completely of underage alcohol use tended to have students who engaged in less drinking, less binge drinking, once in college,” Abar says.

And conversely, a parent’s permissiveness about teenage drinking is a significant risk factor for later binge drinking.

“The parents who are more accepting of teen drinking in high school were more likely to have children who engaged in risky drinking behaviors in college, compared to those children who had parents that were less accepting,” Abar says. The researchers also asked the teens about their parents’ drinking patterns and found that parents’ own drinking behavior influenced a teen’s later alcohol use.

Rules Matter

But, it was parents’ rules that had the strongest effect, says Abar. Complete disapproval of teen drinking by parents was the most protective, even more than when parents allowed a limited amount of alcohol consumption.

Other studies support Abar’s findings. Psychology professor Mark Wood from the University of Rhode Island says that parental monitoring — knowing where your teenagers are, who they’re with, what they’re doing — also pays off in terms of less drinking when they go off to college.

“The protective effects that parents exert in high school continue to be influential into college,” Wood says. “Even after a time when the kids have left the home. So it’s the internalization of those values, attitudes and expectations that seem to continue to exert an effect.”

Research studies by Wood, Abar and others challenge the common parenting practice in much of Europe where kids are socialized to drink at the family table, with the expectation that they’ll learn to drink responsibly. Dutch researcher Haske van der Vorst has studied this “European drinking model.”

“A lot of parents have the idea,” says van der Vorst, “that if I let my child drink at home with friends, then at least I can control it somehow. I can buy the alcohol myself. Then I am in control.”

Unfortunately, she says, based on her research, the European drinking model isn’t working. “Not at all actually,” she says. “The more teenagers drink at home, the more they will drink at other places, and the higher the risk for problematic alcohol use three years later.”

To underscore these findings, a recent survey of 15- and 16-year-olds throughout Europe finds that the majority of European countries have a higher rate of teen drunkenness than in this country.

This does not surprise researcher Abar.

“It really calls into question the strategy that parents are adopting of the European drinking model,” she says. “The most protective strategy for parents is to make it really clear to their teens that they completely disapprove of underage alcohol use.”

Abar says that families that institute a zero tolerance policy will not prevent college students and other teens from drinking. But, she says, teenagers from those households do tend to drink less.

Are you concerned about your alcohol intake? Maybe you feel that you’re drinking too much or too often. Perhaps it’s a habit you’d like to better control.

It’s always wise to check with your doctor — she should be able to help you decide whether it is best for you to cut back or to abstain. People who are dependent on alcohol, or have other medical or mental health problems, should stop drinking completely.

But many people may benefit simply by cutting back. If your doctor suggests that you curb your drinking, the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) suggests that the following steps may be helpful:

1. Put it in writing. Making a list of the reasons to curtail your drinking — such as feeling healthier, sleeping better, or improving your relationships — can motivate you.
2. Set a drinking goal. Set a limit on how much you will drink. You should keep your drinking below the recommended guidelines: no more than one standard drink per day for women and for men ages 65 and older, and no more than two standard drinks per day for men under 65. These limits may be too high for people who have certain medical conditions or for some older adults. Your doctor can help you determine what’s right for you.
3. Keep a diary of your drinking. For three to four weeks, keep track of every time you have a drink. Include information about what and how much you drank as well as where you were. Compare this to your goal. If you’re having trouble sticking to your goal, discuss it with your doctor or another health professional.
4. Don’t keep alcohol in your house. Having no alcohol at home can help limit your drinking.
5. Drink slowly. Sip your drink. Drink soda, water, or juice after having an alcoholic beverage. Never drink on an empty stomach.
6. Choose alcohol-free days. Decide not to drink a day or two each week. You may want to abstain for a week or a month to see how you feel physically and emotionally without alcohol in your life. Taking a break from alcohol can be a good way to start drinking less.
7. Watch for peer pressure. Practice ways to say no politely. You do not have to drink just because others are, and you shouldn’t feel obligated to accept every drink you’re offered. Stay away from people who encourage you to drink.
8. Keep busy. Take a walk, play sports, go out to eat, or catch a movie. When you’re at home, pick up a new hobby or revisit an old one. Painting, board games, playing a musical instrument, woodworking — these and other activities are great alternatives to drinking.
9. Ask for support. Cutting down on your drinking may not always be easy. Let friends and family members know that you need their support. Your doctor, counselor, or therapist may also be able to offer help.
10. Guard against temptation. Steer clear of people and places that make you want to drink. If you associate drinking with certain events, such as holidays or vacations, develop a plan for managing them in advance. Monitor your feelings. When you’re worried, lonely, or angry, you may be tempted to reach for a drink. Try to cultivate new, healthy ways to cope with stress.
11. Be persistent. Most people who successfully cut down or stop drinking altogether do so only after several attempts. You’ll probably have setbacks, but don’t let them keep you from reaching your long-term goal. There’s really no final endpoint, as the process usually requires ongoing effort.

Some of these strategies — such as watching for peer pressure, keeping busy, asking for support, being aware of temptation, and being persistent — can also be helpful for people who want to give up alcohol completely.

Once you’ve cut back on your drinking (so you’re at or below the recommended guidelines), examine your drinking habits regularly to see if you’re maintaining this level of drinking. Some people attain their goal only to find that old habits crop up again later. If this happens, consult your doctor.

To learn more about addiction diagnosis and treatment methods, read Overcoming Addiction , a Special Health Report from Harvard Medical School.

Image: ©PIKSEL | GettyImages

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Drinking in front of children can be a harmless activity as long as the children are taught about the possible hazards involved with alcohol by close, loving parents. Neglect and abuse, however, may lead to troubles for children of drinkers as they grow.

Children of Alcoholics

The most severe emotional problems resulting from seeing parents drink may include guilt, anxiety, embarrassment, the inability to have close relationships, anger and depression, according to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. This can cause delinquent behavior and abuse of drugs and alcohol later in life. Alcohol abuse can be hereditary, but it can also be related to environmental factors.

Drinking Risks

Why Kids Should Not Drink Alcohol

There is a link between children who start drinking as adolescents and their parents who exhibited a favorable attitude toward drinking, according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA). Children are more likely to view drinking as harmless when their parents drink, and they start drinking earlier. There is a greater chance they will misuse alcohol by age 17 to 18. Adolescents with fathers who have more than two drinks a day have a greater risk of substance abuse, according to the NIAAA.

• There is a link between children who start drinking as adolescents and their parents who exhibited a favorable attitude toward drinking, according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA).

Peer Association

Teens become more influenced by their peers as adolescents, but they are less likely to drink if they have a close relationship with parents who warn them about the dangers of alcohol. Children of drinking parents tend to associate with peers who have tried alcohol as young as ten, according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. This also increases their risks of drinking and misusing alcohol early in life.

Monitoring

About Alcohol & Mood Swings

A study by researchers at Virginia Commonwealth University found that parents who drink influence the way their children view drinking as adolescents. The study, published in a 2008 issue of Clinical & Experimental Research, looked at 4,731 adolescents and their parents from data gathered in a Finnish study of health-related behaviors and risk factors. The research revealed that parents who drank alcohol or suffered from drinking problems decreased the monitoring of their children, which led to teenage alcohol use. Although there may have been discipline by the parents, it led to rebellion by youths, suggesting they were more influenced by seeing their parents drink than by their discipline. Parents who communicate with their children at young ages are more likely to see their teenage children view alcohol as harmful and be less likely to drink at ages 17 to 18, according to the Nebraska Substance Abuse and Addiction Services. Lack of communication and monitoring, however, is more likely to lead to adolescents who drink and indulge in heavy drinking.

Water is crucial to a child’s health. It hydrates, helps regulate body temperature, and helps prevent constipation and urinary tract infections – all without adding calories or sugar to the diet. But what if your child doesn’t like water? See how other parents got their kids to drink up.

Make it available

When I think my child is thirsty, I hand her a water bottle. She often says she isn’t thirsty, but I ask her to drink five sips. Half the time she ends up drinking way more than that. Once she starts, she realizes she is thirsty after all.

I always leave a sippy cup with water where my child can reach it so when she does get thirsty, she sees the cup and drinks. If she’s thirsty, she has no choice but to drink the water.

Make it fun

My child loves drinking ice water through a straw. I think he loves the cold feeling in his mouth and the sound of the ice clinking in the cup.

My toddler wouldn’t drink plain water for the longest time. So we bought that fizzy fruit-flavored water for her and mixed it with 3/4 water and weaned her onto regular water. Now she loves it!

Our city water has a bad taste, so I mix the smallest amount of juice with my daughter’s water and she’s none the wiser. It gives it a hint of flavor but is still 90 percent water!

You might also try putting a little lemon wedge or squeezing a little bit of fresh orange into it.

Use a special cup

When my daughter was almost 2, she fell in love with princesses. We found BPA-free plastic sparkly goblets and told her she can only use them to drink “princess water,” which is just filtered water. Whenever we say, “Do you want princess water?” she always says yes so she can use the glasses. She is now 3 and it still works!

Have them pick out their own special cup to put it in. Also, maybe have a special straw to use. The more they have ownership in the process, the better. I have seen that the more I drink water, the more my 4-year-old will too!

My 4-year-old drinks water from a jaunty bright-blue water bottle. They are sold with fun kid-friendly prints of animals, aliens, etc. and even have sippy nipples. At home, I encourage her to drink to a certain level on her ladybug glass.

Give them their independence

My 20-month-old loves to drink water out of a water bottle like a big girl. We buy her the small 10-ounce water bottles with sport sippy tops so she can drink it all on her own.

We bought a water dispenser and put it on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator. When I showed it to my 4-year-old, you would have thought I had pronounced him king of the world. He can get water now whenever he wants it without asking. And he shows everyone who walks into our house that he can get his own drink – by himself!

Limit the options

Start early and don’t put a lot of options in your home. We have water, milk, and one type of juice (watered down 1/3 juice, 2/3 water) in our house at a time.

We alternate milk, water, and juice throughout the day. (We dilute the juice 50/50 with water.) The kids are not allowed to get the next beverage until their cup is empty. Sometimes they make it into a game of who can finish their water the fastest.

I make my son drink a glass of water before getting a different beverage. Not a big glass, just 4 to 6 ounces. He has a little control then. He feels like he is in charge because he decides when to drink it and we don’t have battles.

Should you let your kids bring the party home?

Posted Apr 06, 2015

I am quite sure that you have all been in this situation at one time or another with at least one of your children. You know, when you pretty much know that your teens are going to drink alcohol at a party so you debate to yourself about whether or not to have the party at your own house rather than risk having the teens drink at a friend or acquaintance’s home.

So, you most likely think to yourself that perhaps you should host the party at your house for many reasons including:

1. You will be able to keep an eye on the kids.

2. You will not allow the teens to drive if you notice that they are drunk.

3. You will get a chance to get to know the friends of your own teens and perhaps they might even think that you are cool and will like you and open up to you.

4. You will have the power to insist that the teens who are tired or not in good shape sleep at your home.

5. You won’t have to worry about your own teen’s safety because s/he will be under your roof and your watchful gaze.

Well, let me tell you that I DO NOT think that it is a good idea to bring the party home. And, I am well aware that lots of parents disagree with me because I talk to parent groups several times per month. I also talk to parents individually who believe that it is fine to bring the party home. I kid you not.

I have several reasons for being adamantly opposed to bringing the party to your home. They include:

1. You are basically giving underage kids the ability to drink freely and are thereby giving them the message that you think that this behavior is fine.

2. You are allowing underage kids to do something that is not legal.

3. I also assume that you are engaging in some sort of deceit. I doubt that you are making the other parents aware that alcohol will be flowing at your home.

4. It is not your role to be seen as a friend or even as a “cool” parent.

5. It is your role as a parent with good boundaries to model being a law-abiding citizen and responsible parent for your teen and for their friends.

The answer to whether or not to bring the party home is a resounding NO. If you think that your teens will be drinking elsewhere then you can make it difficult for them to go to that situation or location. And, while you are at it explain what the consequences will be if you find out that they have been drinking. Set the rules and make sure that your teens are clear about the consequences and expectations. I am not saying that your teens will always be compliant but at least they will know where you stand on this issue.

I have heard of too many teens dying because of alcohol overdoses and alcohol related traffic accidents and I wish these tragedies could be averted. I am asking for your help.

Breaking News Emails

If you decide to have an alcoholic drink, limiting yourself to one a day is best — whether you’re a man or woman.

That’s the new advice experts are recommending for the U.S. Dietary Guidelines for Americans, which are scheduled to be updated later this year for the first time in five years. The guidelines now say men should limit themselves to two drinks a day, and that women should limit themselves to one. That advice has been in place since 1990.

In a report released Wednesday, a committee of experts noted there isn’t adequate evidence to support different alcohol recommendations for men and women, and that research supports tightening the limit for men. U.S. health agencies that issue dietary guidelines aren’t required to adopt the committee’s recommendations.

“As a nation, our collective health would be better if people generally drank less,” said Dr. Timothy Naimi, an alcohol researcher at Boston University and one of the experts on the committee convened by federal officials.

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New study says Americans are dying from drinking too much

The proposed advice shouldn’t be interpreted to mean that not having a drink on Thursday means you can have two on Friday, Naimi said. One drink is the equivalent of about one 12-ounce can of beer, a 5-ounce glass of wine or a shot of liquor.

The advice is based on links that researchers observed between drinking habits and all causes of death, including heart disease, cancer and car accidents, rather than a specific physical harm that alcohol might have. Such observational studies, common in food and nutrition science, do not establish a cause-and-effect relationship but they are often the best evidence available, so experts use them to give guidance.

With alcohol, Naimi said two drinks a day was associated with a increased risk of death compared with one drink a day. He said the increase was modest, but notable enough for the committee to recommend updating the advice.

Whether the proposed new advice would influence behavior isn’t clear. Many Americans already exceed the current advice on alcohol limits, Naimi noted. Still, he said most people could generally benefit from any reduction in alcohol, even if they’re not within the advised limits.

The report noted that the guidelines may be aspirational, but are important for “stimulating thought around behavior change.”

The guidelines are based on the overall health of a population, and an individual’s risk from drinking could vary depending on a variety of factors and health habits, said Dr. Dariush Mozaffarian, a professor of nutrition at Tufts University.

Mozaffarian also noted that many people misinterpret the current advice to mean they should have one or two drinks a day. The limits are meant for people who already drink. The guidelines say that people who do not drink should not start.

Even if most Americans aren’t familiar with the details of the U.S. Dietary Guidelines, they’re subject of intense lobbying because of their power to shape the advice dispensed by doctors and what’s served in federal food programs, including school lunches.

Other changes recommended by the committee include tightening the limit on added sugars to less than 6 percent of calories, down from the previous limit of 10 percent. Federal officials are expected to issue the updated guidelines by the end of the year, after considering public comments and input from other agencies.

In Northern Ireland young people under 18 aren’t allowed to buy or drink alcohol in public. But this doesn’t stop some children getting and drinking alcohol. By talking to your child, you can help them understand the health risks of alcohol so they develop a healthy attitude to alcohol.

Promoting a responsible attitude to alcohol

Parents and carers have an important role in showing their children a responsible attitude to alcohol.

As children grow up, their attitude towards alcohol will be shaped by what they see, hear and experience at home.

For more information, go to:

What parents of younger children can do

The following tips might help your child develop a healthy attitude to alcohol as they grow up:

• if your child is curious about alcohol, talk to them about it – tell them about both the negative and social sides of drinking
• make sure young children don’t drink alcohol by accident or without your permission – if you have alcohol at home, keep it out of reach
• if you drink, set a good example and drink in moderation – it will help your child develop a sensible attitude to alcohol
• respect the law when it comes to young people and alcohol – don’t give alcohol to your child if they are underage

To read more, go to:

What parents of older children can do

It’s difficult to know when to let teenagers drink as there is no ‘right’ age. Some parents may feel that giving their child a small amount of alcohol in their early teens will give them a responsible attitude to alcohol, but there is no scientific evidence to support this.

If a child starts drinking early, there is a higher risk of developing serious alcohol-related problems when they’re older. If your child has started drinking, you should:

• set clear boundaries for your child and be consistent about them
• encourage your child to stick to lower-strength brands and not to drink too quickly
• talk to your child about alcohol
• try not to overreact if your child drinks against your wishes, or drinks too much
• explain how you feel and encourage them to talk if they drink excessively
• agree rules on alcohol at parties and be around if your child has a party at home
• if your child is going to drink, give them starchy food (like bread or pasta) so they won’t be drinking on an empty stomach
• remove temptations at home like your own stock of drink (especially spirits)
• make sure your child has a way of getting home safely at night

• How alcohol affects your health

Giving your child alcohol

Some parents think that giving their child a small amount of alcohol in their early teens will give them a responsible attitude to alcohol, but there is no scientific evidence to support this. In fact, research shows that the earlier a child starts drinking the higher the risk of developing serious alcohol-related problems later in life.

Recommended weekly limits

Drinking moderate amounts of alcohol doesn’t often cause any serious problems. However, drinking too much can be harmful. You may not realise if the amount you drink is more than the recommended limit, so it’s important that you keep an eye on how much you’re drinking.

The current medical guideline for both men and women are that:

• to keep health risks from drinking alcohol to a low level, you should not regularly drink more than 14 units of alcohol per week
• if you do drink as much as 14 units per week, it is better to spread this evenly over three days or more because if you have one or two heavy drinking sessions, you increase your risks of death from long term illnesses and from accidents and injuries

Advice on single episodes of drinking

Medical guidelines advise men and women who wish to keep their short term health risks from a single drinking occasion to a low level that they can reduce these risks by:

• limiting the total amount of alcohol you drink on any occasion
• drinking alcohol more slowly
• eating food while drinking alcohol
• alternating alcoholic drinks with glasses of water
• avoiding situations and activities which could endanger themselves and those around them
• making sure you have people you know around you to make sure you can get home safely

Alcohol and pregnancy

Medical guidelines are that:

• if you are pregnant or planning a pregnancy, the safest approach is not to drink alcohol at all to keep risks to your baby to a minimum
• drinking in pregnancy can lead to long-term harm to the baby, with the more you drink the greater the risk

These guidelines are for adults. As young people take longer to process alcohol, it is a good idea for them to drink less, or not to drink at all.

As alcohol has risks for young people under 15, children under this age should not drink.

Alcohol

The alcoholic content of a drink is measured in units. Alcoholic drinks vary in strength and also in volume, and these amounts are always shown on bottles and cans. The volume is marked in millilitres or ‘ml’. The strength of the alcohol is indicated as a percentage – often abbreviated to ‘ABV’ or simply ‘vol.’

To work out alcohol units in a drink, multiply the strength by the volume and divide by 1,000.

Getting involved in anti-social behaviour

One in ten young people who drink alcohol end up in trouble with the police. They can get involved in anti-social or criminal behaviour, such as:

What the law says

There are strict laws on drinking alcohol in Northern Ireland. You should check that you aren’t breaking the law by allowing your child to drink.

Problems

• In families where someone is drinking heavily, there may be a number of problems.
• People may drink to deal with stress, but the drinking can make the situation worse. It’s a vicious circle.
• It may be difficult to know how a heavy drinker is going to behave next, which causes tension and uncertainty within the family.
• Communication within the family / relationship can become difficult.
• Everything can start to revolve around the drinking, if that is the only thing the family thinks and talks about.
• The family can feel ashamed of the drinker’s behaviour and become cut off from everyone outside.
• Practical difficulties may include accidents, money, sex, legal and health problems. Some of these ­ for example, sexual problems or incontinence ­ may be embarrassing to talk about.
• Children may understand more about what is going on than their parents realise, and this can be reflected in the way they behave.
• If the drinker no longer takes responsibility for things like paying bills or doing household jobs, other family members may take these tasks over. This can lead to resentment on both sides.
• There may be arguments and violence.

How to help

• We cannot make someone stop drinking but we can encourage and help them to make changes. The following ideas have proved to be helpful.
• Talk to the person you’re worried about. Find a time when they’re sober and when you’re both reasonably calm.
• Tell them about the problems their drinking is causing.

Listen to them. Find out how they feel about their drinking, and how it helps them. Avoid getting into arguments, it will make it more difficult for them to talk openly to you about things in the future. For the same reason it’s best not to sound as though you’re ‘nagging’ or accusing.

Take care of yourself

Do get help for yourself even if the problem drinker is not prepared to do so yet.

Being involved with someone with a drink problem can be difficult and you may need support and accurate information.

Heavy drinking is quite a common problem and lots of people will understand how you feel, so try not to be embarrassed to talk about it.

You need to be clear about what you are prepared to accept from the person who is drinking and how you will react if any boundaries set are overstepped. This is especially important if there is a risk of violence.

We are all responsible for our own behaviour so don’t accept blame for someone else’s drinking. On the other hand you are responsible for your own reaction to it. It is not a good idea to try drinking along with them for example ­ it won’t control the drinking and will just make things worse for you.

If someone else’s drinking is making your life difficult you may need to make changes in your relationship.

What to do in an emergency

Medical Emergency

If someone seems seriously ill, eg unconscious, fitting, hallucinating, call your GP or an ambulance immediately.

Violence

If you feel that are at risk of violence, try to ensure that you have somewhere or someone to go to. Women’s Aid offer refuge to any woman at risk. Alternatively, don’t be afraid to call the police.

Children

If you feel that children are at risk, you can phone Social Services, the Police, or the NSPCC.

Drink problems – Where to get help:

Alcohol Advisory Centres

These centres offer help, advice and counselling to people from all cultural groups who may have drinking problems, and to family members and friends of problem drinkers. You may be advised to seek further help, such as from a Doctor or Treatment Centre. It is up to you whether or not you take this advice.

There are many factors that influence people to drink alcohol. Drinking to be sociable is one influence. This seems to be one reason people will give in reaction to the question – Why do you drink?

Some people will say that they drink to unwind after a long working day maybe with other people, on their own or with their partner. Stress may also be a factor, life’s stresses encompasses everything from work to family, children, debt, depression, sickness, unemployment and so on, the list could be endless.

Peer pressure, especially on teenagers and young adults is a major factor in drinking here in the U.K. There seems, in some areas, to be a culture of drinking alcohol to such an excess as to become practically comatose. Drinks companies that sell alcohol at ridiculously low prices in supermarkets should also take responsibility for influencing people to drink more alcohol than they might otherwise drink if it was more expensive to buy. When people see offers that they can’t refuse then they will be tempted to buy more alcohol then they would usually purchase.

Now there is also a factor of great importance that needs to be addressed and that is the lack of confidence issue. A person with low self esteem and or lack of confidence may find that when they have their first alcoholic drink they feel liberated and at ease. This can be the first step that leads a person into alcoholism.

Whilst it is true that there is the potential for everyone that drinks to become an alcoholic, as there is also the same potential for anyone to become obese through eating fast food, not everyone does. However it can become easy to rely on alcohol to provide the confidence required to get on with people and even to achieve extrovert status. This new found confidence, although false can then be accessed anytime through alcohol. A shy retiring person who finds socialising difficult or even just working alongside other people difficult could easily succumb to using alcohol as a crutch, the problem with this is that there is a real danger of becoming addicted.

So here are some factors that do and may indeed influence people to drink alcohol. However, each person has the ability to override such influences and make their own choices as to whether or not they use alcohol wisely. Perhaps the biggest influence is our own strength of character.

“Dad’s an addict.” “Mom’s going to rehab.” These are not easy conversations to have with a child, even one that has long been aware that there’s a problem.

More than 28 million Americans are children of alcoholics, yet addiction isn’t being talked about in most homes. Instead, children grow up facing a lifetime of issues other kids don’t have to manage. They tend to have more emotional, behavioral and academic problems than other kids, and are four times more likely to become addicts themselves. They are also at greater risk of abuse and neglect, witnessing domestic violence, and marrying an addict later in life.

As children learn to fend for themselves to survive, unpredictability and chaos become the norm in addicted homes. Lack of consistent discipline can produce deficits in self-control and personal responsibility, or conversely, over-control or hyper-vigilance. Children may even feel that their parent’s drug problem — and the subsequent breakup of the family or removal of the child from the home that sometimes ensues — is their fault.

Their emotions run a confusing gamut. At once resentful of and loyal to their addicted parent, children are reluctant to open up and share long-held family secrets, even if they desperately want the support. They may have a strong self-preservation instinct, but at the same time, they’re not sure if they deserve to take care of their own needs when their parent is spiraling out of control. The conflicting feelings continue as children get a glimmer of hope when their parent promises to quit even though they’ve been disappointed repeatedly.

In this impossible situation, what can parents, caretakers or other adults say to their children? How do they explain the wreckage of addiction to someone who, at a young age, has already been overexposed to some of the darkest potentialities of life?

Time the Conversation. A conversation about a parent’s addiction is best had when there are no distractions and the situation is relatively calm. If possible, bring it up when there is a plan in place to get help for the addicted parent. Explain that there’s a problem and you’re taking steps to improve the situation. Talk about what will change (e.g., Mom or Dad will go to rehab, or one parent may move out if separating or divorcing). Repeat the conversation as often as needed so that the child feels comfortable having an ongoing dialogue.

Keep It Age-Appropriate. The language you use and the level of detail you provide depend on the age and maturity of the child. Break the issues down as simply and directly as possible, and finish with a message of hope.

Tell the Truth. Although you’ll need to use different terms depending on the age of the child, you should always be honest about the problem. Children have an innate ability to read when adults are lying. Explain that addiction is a disease caused by a number of factors, including genetics, environment and past trauma. Similar to people with diabetes and heart disease, their parent is sick and needs treatment to feel better.

Get Educated. Educate yourself about the disease of addiction so you are in a position to answer any questions the child may have. If you don’t know the answer, work on finding one together.

Acknowledge the Impact. Rather than skirt around the impact a parent’s addiction has had, validate the child’s experience. Apologize for the pain inflicted on the child and ask open-ended questions about how they’ve been feeling.

Release the Shame. One of the most important things for children to understand is that addiction is not their fault. They didn’t cause their parent to abuse drugs or alcohol and they cannot cure or control it. This can be hard for children to understand, especially if the addicted parent blamed their drug abuse on a child’s behavior (e.g., “I wouldn’t need to drink if you’d do your chores.”). Children need help to understand that what the addict says and does under the influence isn’t really who they are or how they feel. Addiction hijacks the brain and just as the child is powerless to stop it, the parent is out of control as well.

Put Things Into Perspective. Children from addicted homes tend to idealize other families without realizing they have struggles of their own. Help them understand that they are not alone; in fact, millions of children are in the same situation. They are normal kids thrust into an unhealthy home environment who are doing their best to cope with an extremely stressful situation.

Invite Dialogue. After being disconnected from themselves and others, it may take practice for the child of an addict to be able to identify and process their emotions. To combat the secretiveness, fear and loneliness addiction brings, encourage them to talk about their feelings without criticism or judgment.

Teach the Seven Cs. According to the National Association for Children of Alcoholics, children need to know the “Seven Cs of Addiction”:

• I didn’t Cause it.
• I can’t Cure it.
• I can’t Control it.
• I can Care for myself
• By Communicating my feelings,
• Making healthy Choices, and
• By Celebrating myself.

Find Additional Sources of Support. Just as the addicted parent needs treatment and support to get well, children need to know there are resources available to help them process their emotions. If they don’t feel comfortable talking with a parent or relative, they can reach out to a teacher, counselor, child or family therapist, religious leader or support group such as Alateen.

The toughest topics are often the most important to broach with children. For each day that a child lives with an addict, damage is being done. And while not every child will fall prey to addiction or other emotional or behavioral disorders, they need honest discussion and support in order to beat the odds.

David Sack, M.D., is board certified in psychiatry, addiction psychiatry and addiction medicine. He is CEO of Elements Behavioral Health, a network of mental health and addiction treatment centers that includes the Promises Malibu rehab centers, The Ranch, Right Step, and Spirit Lodge.

For more by David Sack, M.D., click here.

For more on addiction and recovery, click here.

One unbearably hot day, deep in the heart of San Antonio, Texas, my sister and I wandered into a restaurant along the famous Riverwalk, seeking frozen margaritas.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a couple seated further down the bar. Between them sat their 3-year-old child. He was snacking on a pile of tortilla chips, spinning around on the barstool, while his parents enjoyed some adult beverages.

Being from the Northeast, I was shocked to see a child allowed to be in a bar. Even more shocking was when his dad propped up his beer bottle, and his son took a few birdlike sips. I couldn’t help but think of that famous line from Reese Witherspoon in “Sweet Home Alabama”:

“You have a baby… in a bar.”

I was surprised to learn, however, that in Texas, as well as in several other Southern states, having a baby in a bar — and yes, even allowing that baby a few sips of your drink — is perfectly legal. But while it’s legal, is it a good idea? Is a bar an appropriate environment for children?

According to Mayra Mendez, PhD, LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist and program coordinator for intellectual and developmental disabilities and mental health services at Providence Saint John’s Child and Family Development Center in Santa Monica, California, probably not.

“Children under the age of 12 benefit from open spaces, freedom to play, move, and explore, and thrive on social engagement, reciprocity, and companionship,” Mendez says. “The environment in a bar is typically dark, loud, stagnant, and lacking playful stimulation that promotes learning and social connections.”

If you’re looking for a place to spend time with your child while also responsibly enjoying an alcoholic beverage, choose a more family-friendly venue like a restaurant or outside eating area so your children can run around.

As parents, regardless of whether we personally consume alcohol or not, educating our children and encouraging them to have a healthy relationship with alcohol can be fraught with personal baggage. Some families, for example, have a history of addiction, which may lead us to fear addressing drinking with our children. Additionally, various cultural practices involve the consumption of alcohol, while others forbid it.

According to Mendez, being open and honest with your children and meeting them at their level of development is vital in being successful.

“Families that talk and communicate expectations clearly, logically, rationally, and with consideration to age-appropriate context for the child’s development level have a better chance of addressing drinking and alcohol consumptions in a way that promotes responsible behaviors,” she says.

Don’t employ scare tactics to sway them from experimenting with alcohol, but do tell your child about the risks of irresponsible drinking. There’s no reason to hide an alcoholic beverage from your child’s view. In fact, modeling responsible drinking in front of your child will contribute to a better understanding of alcohol consumption for them.

“Children may be exposed to appropriate, moderated use of alcohol at dinnertime or at a family gathering… Socializing children to alcohol is not only necessary for their learning social norms and cultural expectations about alcohol use, but an essential part of seeing socioculturally informed behaviors applied in day-to-day interactions,” Mendez says.

While appropriate modeling is always instructive, Mendez says, it’s particularly important for parents of teenagers. “The fact that alcohol exists and is used as a product of social engagement and integration should not be denied or hidden from teens,” she says. “Openly discussing alcohol use and the impact alcohol has on behavior provides teens with relevant facts and gives them a knowledge base to make discriminating and responsible choices.”

Regarding the physical impact of alcohol on children, parents should know that a few sips won’t cause much of an effect. So, if used for a religious ceremony, a little alcohol isn’t worrisome.

However, according to S. Daniel D. Ganjian, MD, pediatrician at Providence Saint John’s Health Center in Santa Monica, California, anything over one or two small sips is too much. “Long-lasting effects of drinking alcohol repeatedly can affect the liver, brain, stomach, and cause vitamin deficiencies,” he says.

Ganjian also cautions that consuming more than a small amount of alcohol can affect a child’s ability to think, judge, and even move, and that parents should keep in mind that various types of alcoholic beverages can have a stronger concentration of alcohol.

A 2016 study found that children who are allowed to take sips of alcohol are more likely to drink as teens, but they’re less likely to binge drink. The idea that our children may one day experiment with alcohol use is a scary one, but keep in mind that by modeling appropriate alcohol use, you’re laying the foundation for your child’s healthy decision-making.

Mendez recommends actively monitoring any alcohol experimentation, but to remember the foundation of trust you’ve built. “Children learn about how to manage emotions, how to navigate relationships, and how to apply cultural values and norms by first relating, engaging, and interacting with parents,” she says.

Modeling positive examples from early on will help your child — as well as your relationship with your child — in the long run.

vudukungfu: That’s a hard looking 65, lady.

I was wondering if they mixed up the ages for the boyfriend and the swamp donkey.

My dad used to order me a beer at 18. Also, he let me drink at home.

34years old and 4 years sober

Children should be exposed to these things in small doses in a controlled and safe environment before heading off to college and then losing their mind and going over board.

I suggest maybe just spinning around the pole as toddlers, then work on just climbing up and down the pole in their preteens.
In early to mid-teens start introducing simple techniques and tricks such as the “no hands” and basics spins. By later teens they should be ready for “upside down / no arms” and the “no arms / no legs”.
Age appropriate clothing should be chosen.
Parents are encouraged to stimulate dollar bills for the young ones, but as they grow older real bills should be used and that is how they should be given their allowance.

We want to bring closure to the victims so they can begin their healing process

Really, closure. this wasn’t a farking hostage situation, give them a Gatorade and Tylenol for the hang over and call it a day.

Steven Gans, MD is board-certified in psychiatry and is an active supervisor, teacher, and mentor at Massachusetts General Hospital.

It’s every parent’s nightmare that one day your teenager will get drunk and you will have to handle it. While this is an emotional experience for parents, it is important that you support your child through the situation. And this is definitely a time when there are good and bad ways to respond as a parent. Here’s how to deal with a drunk child or teenager, and get it right.

Stay Calm

Bruce Ayres / Getty Images

It can be frightening, annoying and angering to see your child drunk for the first time. But it is important to stay calm and in control of yourself while you are dealing with him. Your child is in a vulnerable state, both physically and mentally, and despite the fact that you may be angry with him, he needs your care and concern at this time.

Speak clearly, calmly, and gently

Take responsibility for your child’s health

Stay with him until he’s sober

Yell, criticize, argue, or threaten

Laugh at, make fun of, or express amusement

Punish him while he’s intoxicated

Touch him more than necessary

Force him to eat or drink

Find Out How Much Your Child Had to Drink

Young people can appear very drunk after consuming relatively small amounts of alcohol because they have very low tolerance for alcohol. However, if your child has drunk more alcohol than his body can handle, he may be at risk of alcohol poisoning.

If he is able to speak, try to find out how much he has drunk in a way that will not encourage him to lie about the amount. You can also check with his companions or the party or drinking establishment where he was drinking to get an idea of how much he has consumed. Use the blood alcohol concentration estimate for men (for boys) or women (for girls) to evaluate your child’s level of intoxication. Be aware that most people underestimate how much alcohol they have consumed, especially in home-poured drinks.

Get Medical Help If Necessary

Take your child to the emergency room if:  

• He is unable to speak or is incoherent.
• He has vomited. This is his body’s first line of defense against overdose.
• He has—or you think he may have—taken other drugs, including prescription medication.
• He has lost consciousness (passed out or blacked out) at any point since starting drinking.
• He has had a fall or sustained any other injuries.
• He or someone else indicates that he may have just consumed strong alcoholic beverages, such as vodka or whiskey, as he may become more intoxicated.
• You are concerned about your child’s health or well-being for any other reason.

Call the Police If Violence Erupts

The risk of family violence increases with alcohol use. If your child becomes threatening or violent to people or property, call the police immediately. This kind of situation can easily escalate into a tragedy. The police are well-trained in diffusing and managing these situations.

The same is true if the other parent, or another person present, becomes violent toward your child. Parents can often get very angry when their teenage kids are drunk, and you don’t want to get caught in the cross-fire by trying to break them up. Remember, you can work out the details of how you move forward as a family tomorrow when everyone is sober.

Rehydrate

Encourage your child to slowly sip water to rehydrate, but be prepared that sometimes the process of drinking more (even water) can induce vomiting in a drunk youth. If he vomits, take him to the emergency room for treatment.

Keep Your Child Awake

One of the greatest risks is asphyxiation from vomiting during sleep when drunk.   It may seem counter-intuitive to keep your child awake when he is drunk, but it is the safest thing to do. Your child may become more intoxicated from the alcohol already in his system. If he appears to be becoming more intoxicated as time goes on, take him to the emergency room. Ideally, you want to see him sobering up before letting him “sleep it off.”

Put Your Child in the Recovery Position

If your son is too drunk to stand up or you’re unable to take him to the emergency room, put him in the recovery position (on his side) and call an ambulance. If he has sobered up and you feel he will be safe to go to bed, make sure he goes to sleep in the recovery position. That way, if he vomits during the night, he is less likely to inhale the vomit.