Whether you’ve been dating your partner for six months or have been married to him or her for five years, relationships are created from commitment and are continued due to mutual respect and effort. To say your connection is special would be an understatement — and to not wish to enhance it would be unfortunate.
While every relationship is different, no relationship is perfect. By doing these 10 things to improve your bond, you won’t only ensure a quality relationship with your partner, but you’ll also prove that you’re determined to work for one.
1. Ask your partner something new
Communication is the determining factor of success for every relationship. It’s nice to ask how your partner’s day went, but it’s boring when you ask over and over again. Enhance your conversation by putting in the extra effort to question your significant other on something more specific. Through this adjusted approach, you avoid falling into routine and begin holding more meaningful discussions.
2. Designate a monthly date night
Amongst both of your busy schedules and nonstop responsibilities, the most foolproof way to guarantee that you make time for each other is to set a night every month dedicated to doing just that. Regardless of if you’re looking to spice up your relationship or wanting an activity that doesn’t include Netflix, the commitment to go on a date is one night — but the happiness that comes from it will last much longer.
3. Express your appreciation
The comfort that a relationship brings is the reason we tend to overlook what our partners do and treat their acts of kindness as our forms of expectation instead. To put it honestly, your partner doesn’t have to fill your gas tank or buy your favorite ice cream — he or she chooses to, and your acknowledgment of this type of effort will reinforce your partner to be thoughtful and remind you to feel thankful.
4. Tweak your schedule
We know — you’re independent and don’t plan on stopping your life for anyone (and you shouldn’t have to). Even though you have other commitments outside of your relationship, it’s a kind gesture to compare both of your schedules to see if it’s possible to spend more time together.
Maybe your partner can go to the gym a little earlier to attend the movie premiere you wanted to attend, or maybe you can wake up earlier to get your projects done so that you can make it to your partner’s intramural game. While you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your life to satisfy your partner, your ability to compromise should be enough to make him or her happy.
5. Remember the small things
Another way to add meaning to your conversation is to truly listen to what your significant other is saying — and talk about it in the future. If your partner mentions a conversation that he or she wants to have with a manager, take note on your calendar and remember to ask about it the day of. The fact that you’re able to refer back to the topics and details that your partner spoke about is one that will touch him or her. Overall, it’s the little things that mean the most, and there’s no better way to show this than starting with your relationship.
6. Let go of the past
As a culprit for many potential arguments and the underlying issue for future ones, what happens in the past doesn’t always stay there — and it’s difficult to move forward in a relationship when you’re still thinking about what happened in it from another time.
If you find yourself continuing to dwell on the past, it might be a sign to take a step back and consider why — are you naturally less forgiving or is what happened something you can’t seem to forgive? By focusing on the reason for this reccuring feeling, you’ll find more clarity within yourself and what you want from the relationship with your partner.
7. Show your affection
Along with expressing your gratitude to your partner, expressing actions to show how much you care about him or her is also suggested. From grabbing your partner’s hand at a restaurant to going to bed together at the end of the night, you know how you feel about your partner, and he or she should be able to witness it as well.
8. Learn your partner’s boundaries
Does your partner wish to be left alone when he or she is upset? Does he or she mind that you want to text throughout the day? These questions are simple, but the answers to them will help you understand the boundaries of your partner — and stop you from crossing them. Overall, your partner’s sense of privacy is most likely different from yours, and knowing his or her boundaries is the best way to respect them.
9. Know when to apologize
Sometimes being right isn’t as important as being compassionate. Whereas conflicts with your significant other will vary, not every argument is a challenge that needs to be won. Don’t get us wrong — we aren’t telling you to take blame for everything, but to decide which battles are worth fighting for. Although there’s glory in knowing you’re right, there’s maturity in apologizing during an argument that isn’t as important as the person you’re arguing with.
10. Make time to focus on yourself
How we feel about ourselves is how we’ll act in a relationship — for example, if you lack confidence in yourself, you’ll look for assurance in your relationship. To prevent any toxic behaviors from happening with your partner, it’s essential to have a strong sense of self. Invest in a new hobby, make plans with some friends, and take steps in discovering who you are as a person. By falling in love with yourself, you’ll naturally be your own best version for the person who happens to be falling in love with you.
How to Love Yourself More
Relationships are such a wonderfully desirable part of your life. Strong relationships improve your life in a multitude of ways, like providing you with feedback for challenging decisions, giving you a sounding board to release your stress and anxiety and offering you the opportunity for fun and leisure. One of the most important relationships you need to maintain is the one with yourself. Let’s find out how to love yourself more.
How Loving Yourself Affects Other Relationships
For all of their benefits, though, relationships demand work and attention. As you age, your relationships continue to grow and change into something different than they once were. Sometimes, important relationships go unnoticed or forgotten.
When was it you last paid attention to your most important relationship? Do you even know what your most valuable relationship is? The relationship that has the biggest impact on your daily life is not the one you have with your boss at work, your children, or even your spouse.
The most imperative relationship is the one you have with yourself. This is why we are going to talk about how to love yourself more.
Why You Are the Most Important
This relationship is central because the way that you relate to yourself controls the way that you relate to others. For example, if your relationship with yourself is poor, you will be more likely to have a series of unsuccessful relationships with others in life. You will be more willing to tolerate unfair and even abusive treatment because that is what you have come to expect.
Conversely, if you handle yourself in a kind, respectful way, your tolerance for anything less than this from anyone else will be low. With this being true, the relationship you have with yourself is the keystone for all other relationships.
Now that you know the value in the relationship with yourself, what are you going to do about it? The task might seem overwhelming, but the steps are straightforward. Want to be good to yourself? Here is how to love yourself more.
What is Self-Talk?
Knowing how to love yourself more depends on how you talk to yourself. To have any idea of where you are going, it helps to know where you are now. How do you speak to yourself? This daily, internal dialogue is called self-talk. Self-talk is almost constant as you assess and judge yourself and the world around you during the day. Self-talk, mood and anxiety have a cause and effect relationship. Saying mean, deprecating, negative things to yourself will make you feel worse. Self-talk seems largely automatic, but if you pay attention to it, you can begin to change it.
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How Do You Treat Yourself?
How do you treat yourself? Sometimes people get caught up in so many things beyond their bodies that they lose sight of how they treat themselves. Are you kind to yourself? Do you ever splurge on yourself? Even more elemental, do you meet your own basic needs? Behaviors like feeding yourself healthy foods, exercising regularly and allowing enough time for sleep might seem unimportant, but they really speak to how well you care for yourself. If your basic needs are not met, healthy relationships with anyone become less obtainable.
Build Connections
Now that you have investigated the current relationship with yourself, you must ask a question. Why? Why do you treat yourself this way? Why has this become normal and acceptable? In the pursuit of this answer, you will have to retrace time back to childhood to identify the messages that you were taught as a child, a teenage, and a young adult. Did someone express the message that you were not good enough? Did you find that sacrificing yourself for others was a good way to get attention or short bursts of esteem?
The way that you relate to people, just like the way you relate to yourself, is a learned behavior. Along the way, someone taught you through a set of rewards and punishments to speak to yourself, treat yourself and behave in this way. Identifying the source of these patterns gives you more information to modify the course.
Reverse Course
As valuable as assessing the situation and building connections between the past and present are, they mean nothing if you do not take tangible steps to reverse course. Consider ways to work towards a fairer, more balanced perspective. If your self-talk is overly negative, begin to compliment yourself more often with more positive praise.
Many people attempting to change the flow of self-esteem cannot find aspects of themselves to compliment, but do not fall into this trap. Many good things about you exist. Feel free to consult with people in your life regarding what they enjoy and appreciate about you. From there, begin to welcome it and accept it as reality rather than finding ways to talk yourself out of it. Change your self-talk to repeat these views throughout the day to change your self-talk into something more positive and optimistic.
Keep You in Mind
When it comes to treating yourself well, find ways to better balance selflessness with selfishness. Selfishness is unfairly seen as being overly negative. In reality, you need to have some level of selfishness to be happy with yourself and others. If you permit others to frequently take advantage of your kindness, you will have fewer physical and mental resources remaining for you.
Telling others “no” is a good way to improve the relationship with them and yourself. It does not make you a bad friend, it makes you someone with healthier boundaries and better self-respect.
Transfer the Inside Out
This entire process will improve your self-esteem and the overall relationship with you. From here, you will be in a better position to start new and improve your established relationships. With these improvements, you can expect to see your mental health benefit and reach a level of happiness previously unknown to you.
Beware, though. Whenever you change, even if the changes are healthy and beneficial for you, other people will be resistant. Perhaps they like the version of you with low self-esteem because they could exploit and take advantage of this. They may report a belief that you have changed for the worse. Remember that this will not be true. It is only their attempt to continue their manipulation.
in Conclusion
Now you know how to love yourself more. Relationships will come and go, but the one that you have with yourself lasts forever. You want to make certain it is as healthy, positive and fulfilling as possible. By assessing your current status, working to understand the connections, reversing course, and then transferring the inside out, you will be in the best position to have the best relationships with yourself and the people around you. This is your chance to change.
Oh, yeah. I know about that one. Let me tell you, it takes a lot of work to have a good relationship. Especially with the most important person in your life… that’s you.
Why are relationships so hard? Well, it’s because we make them hard. And not many people seem to notice that the most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself.
Have you ever heard the phrase “If you can’t love yourself, then how will you love others?” Well, it’s true. Sure, they can love you, but that’s a whole different subject.
You need to learn to know who you are and accept it in order to be happy.
A while ago, I wrote an essay about my past, my present, and my future. At first, I thought I had written down the right things but I left it for a couple of days alone. When I got back to it, I started digging deeper into my own thoughts.
Do I really like doing this? How do I feel about this? What does this make me feel?
And then you start questioning everything in your life and you know it’s good because that means you are changing it!
So don’t go for the first things that come to your mind, because you may find contradictory ideas. For example, I put “healthy living” and then “try every burger in the world”. Obviously, I had to choose just one.
At first, I felt both of those things meant the same to me, that they were both important. But as I kept asking myself questions, I found out that they were not equal and that I could actually let go of one.
It took me a couple of months but I ended up realizing that some things are more important once you look at them from a bigger perspective.
And the road goes on and on. This process never stops because we are changing all the time. So we should never stop exploring ourselves.
Look for the experiences that bring you introspective: traveling alone, experiencing new things, etc.
Pay attention to how you react to certain situations. Maybe you are a nice guy but when faced with a tough situation, maybe you’ll get scared and run away; maybe you’ll do the opposite and fight it.
Who knows? Those things might surprise you and you’ll discover something new about yourself. You don’t have to wait for the zombie apocalypse to find out!
Basically, we nurture good relationships when we have them with ourselves. Once you get to know yourself, you can see clearly the things you could not go without. This way, it makes it easier to make a great relationship with people at work or in your personal life.
I, for one, love dancing. Once, I had a girlfriend who didn’t like it so much and started getting jealous when I went out dancing without her. Jealousy got as strong as to the point it broke us apart.
Almost every day and with everyone, we talk so much and we say so little.
When you meet new people, talk about the important things. Not the little things, like the weather or where she got her new shoes. At least, try not to make these the main subjects of the conversation.
You can get to know a person so much in so little time if you ask them the right things.
Sure, it can be hard to open up to someone if you don’t really know them, but give it a try! Don’t pressure them, make them feel confident.
It’s the deep things you need to talk about:
What’s most important to you? What are your life goals and dreams? Do you want to have a family? Etc.
When you are getting to know someone, don’t go for the superficial things!
Sure, you both love to travel… and so do millions of other people! How do you like to travel? Now, that’s a good one. Maybe they adore camping and you hate it. Or maybe they go to the luxurious hotel and you prefer backpacking at a hostel.
What about your business partners? Do you really know them? What do they look for in an entrepreneurship? What would they do if everything falls apart?
You never know what you will find. Afterward, you can be sure you’ll make better choices and have deeper and more meaningful relationships in your life.
Thanks for reading! I’d really appreciate it if you ❤ this post so other people can find it.
Oh, yeah. I know about that one. Let me tell you, it takes a lot of work to have a good relationship. Especially with the most important person in your life… that’s you.
Why are relationships so hard? Well, it’s because we make them hard. And not many people seem to notice that the most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself.
Where everything starts…
Have you ever heard the phrase “If you can’t love yourself, then how will you love others?” Well, it’s true. Sure, they can love you, but that’s a whole different subject.
You should try this sometime!
A while ago, I wrote an essay about my past, my present, and my future. At first, I thought I had written down the right things but I left it for a couple of days alone. When I got back to it, I started digging deeper into my own thoughts.
Do I really like doing this? How do I feel about this? What does this make me feel?
And then you start questioning everything in your life and you know it’s good because that means you are changing it!
So don’t go for the first things that come to your mind, because you may find contradictory ideas. For example, I put “healthy living” and then “try every burger in the world”. Obviously, I had to choose just one.
How to choose?
At first, I felt both of those things meant the same to me, that they were both important. But as I kept asking myself questions, I found out that they were not equal and that I could actually let go of one.
It took me a couple of months but I ended up realizing that some things are more important once you look at them from a bigger perspective.
And the road goes on and on. This process never stops because we are changing all the time. So we should never stop exploring ourselves.
Look for the experiences that bring you introspective: traveling alone, experiencing new things, etc.
Pay attention to how you react to certain situations. Maybe you are a nice guy but when faced with a tough situation, maybe you’ll get scared and run away; maybe you’ll do the opposite and fight it.
Who knows? Those things might surprise you and you’ll discover something new about yourself. You don’t have to wait for the zombie apocalypse to find out!
Basically, we nurture good relationships when we have them with ourselves. Once you get to know yourself, you can see clearly the things you could not go without. This way, it makes it easier to make a great relationship with people at work or in your personal life.
I, for one, love dancing. Once, I had a girlfriend who didn’t like it so much and started getting jealous when I went out dancing without her. Jealousy got as strong as to the point it broke us apart.
No Small Talk!
Almost every day and with everyone, we talk so much and we say so little.
When you meet new people, talk about the important things. Not the little things, like the weather or where she got her new shoes. At least, try not to make these the main subjects of the conversation.
Sure, it can be hard to open up to someone if you don’t really know them, but give it a try! Don’t pressure them, make them feel confident.
It’s the deep things you need to talk about:
What’s most important to you? What are your life goals and dreams? Do you want to have a family? Etc.
When you are getting to know someone, don’t go for the superficial things!
Sure, you both love to travel… and so do millions of other people! How do you like to travel? Now, that’s a good one. Maybe they adore camping and you hate it. Or maybe they go to the luxurious hotel and you prefer backpacking at a hostel.
What about your business partners? Do you really know them? What do they look for in an entrepreneurship? What would they do if everything falls apart?
Get. To. Know. Them.
You never know what you will find. Afterward, you can be sure you’ll make better choices and have deeper and more meaningful relationships in your life.
Did I get your attention? Relationships really do matter! Maybe you want to learn how to find your perfect partner in life or in business? Go ahead and read this blog post .
About the Author Miha Matlievski
Breaking taboo called FAILURE by talking openly about it, sharing my fail stories and lessons that I learned on my way back from hell. I had four successful companies that at one time all went bankrupt. You could say that I went from hero to zero. But I managed to survive! Down that road I became Fail Coach not by degree but by failing personally and professionally, learning from my failures and growing. If you are looking for a coach try not to find one with shiny diploma hanging on his wall but one that has personally gone to hell and back.
Unwind to improve love, relationship
Stress impacts our love relationships more than we are aware of or acknowledge. Part of the problem is that stress is entrenched in our everyday
Stress impacts our love relationships more than we are aware of or acknowledge. Part of the problem is that stress is entrenched in our everyday. Stress has become such a normal part of daily life that partners become immune to the symptoms and warning signs.
Ignoring stress only ignites it. Even when a couple tries to ignore stress, like static in the air, it is felt and absorbed. If partners do talk about being stressed, they may not know what to do about it.
Stressed-out couples quarrel and fight more often, withdraw from each other, feel disconnected, sad, frustrated, angry. Ongoing unchecked stress can create bigger problems. Long-term stress can turn to depression and isolation resulting in a frozen and distant relationship.
Recognise stress symptoms
Couples often become so accustomed to unchecked stress that they barely recognize and often overlook the destructive ramifications.
There are two straightforward signs of stress. Firstly one or both partners are snappy, cranky, withdrawn, moody, pouty, teary, ornery, angry, restless, hyper, agitated, overly excited and lastly one or both partners are self-medicating with drugs, alcohol, food, etc.
Approach your partner
If you see signs of stress, ask your partner what’s going on in a kind and compassionate way. It could be as simple as, ‘Are you having a difficult day, honey? Come sit by me and tell me all about it.’
Keep in mind that listening is a skill, and one that few people actually do well. It’s the same with communicating with your partner.
Comfort first
Many partners forget to console their significant other and instead try to problem solve. Comfort each other first, problem solve second. That’s because your partner might be looking for stress relief rather than a nitty-gritty brainstorming session.
Just hugging and gently touching your partner can provide that relief.
Ask your partner what you can do
An important way of supporting your loved one is to ask them flat-out how you can help. You might say, “Is there anything I can do to make your day go smoother?” If your partner isn’t sure, notice what might be helpful and do that. It might be anything from doing a few chores to giving them a relaxing back rub.
Consider if there’s anything else you can do
Of course you can’t ease your partner’s stress completely. But you can pay attention to whether they’re happy and see how you can help. You can ask yourself, “Am I doing everything within my power to aid in my partner’s happiness?” Unchecked stress can sabotage a relationship and lead to dissatisfaction and disconnection.
But there are many ways you can take action to alleviate your own stress and support your partner.
Ones upon a time there was a little girl. She loved her mommy very much, but she could never be sure that her mother also loved her.
When she felt sad and longed for a cuddle, her mommy was too busy to comfort her.
“Stop bothering me, little one; you have nothing to be sad about.”
And when the girl was bursting with desire to share good news, her mother wouldn’t listen.
“Go to your room and do the homework. Life isn’t for pleasure.”
Time passed, and our little girl tried to avoid her mother’s attention, not to be called “useless” and “difficult.” Or be brushed away with “children don’t experience such feelings” statement.
She learned not to bother her mother with “non-existing” emotions. And the rare moment when her mommy reached out to her, a little girl was too confused to respond. She froze and just wanted to be left alone as she felt most of the time anyway.
When our girl grew up, she felt not good enough, lonely and confused, not only with her mother but with most of the people she met. When someone had shown interest in her, she crawled inside and hid like a turtle inside her shell.
But even there, she felt insecure – shy and anxious, scared to say or do something wrong. Something other people may disapprove. She looked reverently at her peers, who seemed confident and fearless, and always knew what to say. But how could she trust other people when she did not even trust herself?
Years passed. The girl met a guy who stayed year after year waiting for her to say yes. It seemed that she had no choice, so, finally, she married him. Although there were joyful moments in her life, she didn’t feel happy. But she didn’t know either what needed to be changed and how.
Deep in her heart, the girl loved her daughter and her husband, but she didn’t know how to show it to them. And her family wondered if she loved them and how she felt – her face looked sad or angry, even when she felt at ease.
Every time she noticed them on guard, her heart was bleeding.
Could this girl learn how to love and be loved by others?
Growing up with unavailable, self-absorbed mothers, affect our adult lives in many ways. We feel stressed and overwhelmed most of the time struggling with emotions like anger, shame and self-loathing. We lack skills to cope with these difficult feelings and build healthy relationships with ourselves and other important people in our lives.
Listen to my interview with an amazing couple’s therapist Jette Simon who works on both continents – in New York and in Copenhagen, Denmark.
In this interview, you will learn:
- How growing up with a difficult mother can interfere with your adult life and relationships.
- How to deal with difficult emotions.
- How to cope with an emotionally unavailable partner.
- When going no contact with your mother may be the right decision, and what are the potential side effects.
- If the wrong partners exist.
- That forgiveness and healing not always are inseparable and why.
- What hides behind the narcissistic façade.
- How to take care of an ill difficult mother and stay sane.
- How to bring more joy to your life.
Interview with a couple’s therapist Jette Simon
Over the years I’ve dove deep to understand my relationship with myself.
It is the only constant relationship I will ever have in my life AND everything is a reflection of the relationship I have with myself.
The relationship with myself determines everything. Why? Life is experienced through me, not outside of me. My perception of myself will greatly determine the experience I have of my life. If we want a freakin’ good life, then we better have a freakin’ good relationship with ourselves.
Here are 11 ways you can begin:
1. Create self-love habits
These habits will help you stay grounded in loving energy, which will support your well-being. A few examples of self-love habits could be: thanking yourself for making your bed, going on a weekly date with yourself, spending time tuning into how you’re feeling daily, checking in with your heart, affirmations said out loud each morning, complimenting yourself, etc.
2. Turn off social media
It sucks you into a comparison game! Take a day off from social media every week to actually live your life in realtime, not through a box. It’ll help you become more present and increase joy!
3. Practice forgiveness
When you don’t forgive, you hold onto a burden. You don’t do it for them, you do it for you. To forgive yourself is release and let go of the energy that is not serving you. When we forgive, we make peace. Practice forgiveness by using this mantra : Peace is my power.
4. Walk barefoot on the Earth
This neutralizes our energy and allows us to release any negative energy directly into the earth. You will feel lighter, happier and calm. Do this daily if you can.
5. Eat for your well-being not your tastebuds
Ask yourself: is the food I am eating nourishing me? If not, then you don’t need to eat because you’ll only feel bad afterwards. Think from the end. How do you want the food you eat to make you feel?
6. Help someone else
When you feel helpless, help another. This shifts your energy away from wallowing in self-pity to being of service, which will only uplift your mood!
7. Write it out
If something is bothering you or on your mind, let it out. Give it to the paper, let your thoughts free flow, then read back to experience clarity in your thinking. It’s a truly magical experience to understand how you process thoughts.
8. Mirror Work
Look at yourself in the mirror. Stare deep into your eyes and say: I deeply love and accept you . Some part of you heals every time you look at your reflection in the mirror and affirm love! You realize that you also deserve love and acceptance. Do this daily.
9. Be easy
This means be easy-going, don’t take everything so seriously. Stop playing victim of your life and ease up on yourself! Don’t look so deeply into everything, let it be. Bless what happened and affirm that you will only allow it to grow and expand you.
10. Meditate
This is a time to be totally present with yourself. As you sit in stillness, taking long deep breathes become aware of your thinking. Your thoughts are things and what you think you become. Let yourself fully be embraced by the stillness – allow it guide you into a higher experience of yourself.
11. Know your thinking
“Here is a new spiritual practice for you: don’t take your thoughts so seriously.”
— Eckhart Tolle
Everything you think , doesn’t need your attention. Get really picky with the thoughts you give your attention to. What you give attention to, you declare it in your experience. I like to think of my thoughts as currency. If I go around buying things I don’t want with my thoughts then, I will live in a house with things I don’t want wondering why they are here. I bought them with my thought currency.
Everything we do in life is a testimony to us and our relationship with ourselves. The decisions you make or don’t, the people you love or don’t, the money you give or don’t, the job you love or don’t is all a created by the relationship we have with ourselves. To change the outside, begin by committing to change the inside — because the internal condition, environment reflects the external experiences.
When you take time to care, love, and accept yourself you are showing the people you are in relationships with how to do the same. You respect you, and the natural assumption people will make is that you are someone to be respected.
When you deepen the relationship, you have with yourself, getting to know your inner workings and the drumbeat of your heart you’re more open and naturally curious to understand the uniqueness of those you love. It becomes a language you speak and can bring the two of you together in your own musings and curiosity.
Have you asked questions lately and really listened to the answers? Start with yourself and you’ll see how good it feels. It will be easier to translate to an important relationship you have, romantic or otherwise.
A few weeks ago we touched on the importance of meeting our own needs, but today I want us to dig deep into self-care, self-love, and self-acceptance. These themes are important for our lives individually, but they’re also the foundation for any relationship we have with another person.
How well do you know yourself?
First, to give ourselves proper attention and care, we need to know ourselves intimately. How often do we take the time to search our hearts and minds? Many of my clients tell me they have success with journaling.
But what to write about if you’re stuck with a blank page? There are hundreds of questions to ask yourself, but here are some examples:
What do I want out of life?
What are my biggest hopes/fears?
Where would I like to make a change in my life?
How To Love Yourself Now in 12 Easy Ways
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Are you wondering how to love yourself? I have found that there is only one thing that heals every problem, and that is: truly loving yourself. When people start to love themselves more each day, it’s amazing how their lives get better. They feel better. They get the jobs they want. They have the money they need. Their relationships either improve, or the negative ones dissolve and new ones begin.
Loving yourself is a wonderful adventure; it’s like learning to fly. Imagine if we all had the power to fly at will? How exciting it would be! Let’s begin to love ourselves now.
Here are 12 Commandments to help you learn how to love yourself:
1. Stop All Criticism
Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.
2. Forgive Yourself
Let the past go. You did the best you could at the time with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge that you had. Now you are growing and changing, and you will live life differently.
3. Don’t Scare Yourself
Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It’s a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure, and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.
4. Be Gentle and Kind and Patient
Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.
5. Be Kind to Your Mind
Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don’t hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts.
6. Praise Yourself
Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.
7. Support Yourself
Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.
8. Be Loving to Your Negatives
Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So lovingly release the old negative patterns.
9. Take Care of Your Body
Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need in order to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise do you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.
10. Do Mirror Work
Look into your eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself while looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents while looking into the mirror. Forgive them, too. At least once a day, say, I love you, I really love you!
11. Love Yourself . . . Do It Now
Don’t wait until you get well, or lose the weight, or get the new job, or find the new relationship. Begin now—and do the best you can.
12. Have Fun
Remember the things that gave you joy as a child. Incorporate them into your life now. Find a way to have fun with everything you do. Let yourself express the joy of living. Smile. Laugh. Rejoice, and the Universe rejoices with you!
Watch this free video series with Robert Holden, long-time student of Louise Hay and A Course in Miracles, to learn how loving yourself by using mirror-work can heal and improve your life.
