How to move on in life

There’s nothing worse than losing someone or something you care about. Whether you’re going through a breakup or dealing with the death of a family member, moving on after loss is not easy. In fact, it’s an understatement to say that dealing with loss is painful, and that it takes forever to heal. But, with a little effort, it is possible to move forward with your life.

On the way to feeling better, you may go through several (annoying) phases of grief, although these phases are not typical for everyone. The traditional five stages of grief that include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance came from psychologist Elizabeth KГјbler-Ross’s 1969 book, On Death and Dying.

But, as it turns out, it’s not always that cut and dry. “. In recent years researchers and experts have found little evidence that these stages exist. People who bounce back after a death, divorce or other traumatic loss often don’t follow this sequence. Instead, many of them strive to actively move forward,” noted Elizabeth Bernstein in an article on for the Wall Street Journal.

So instead of sitting back and waiting for stages to happen (or not happen), it’s much better to take matters into your own hands. If you’re interested in speeding up the process, or at least coping as best you can, then here are some tips for dealing with loss, and hopefully moving forward.

1. Let Yourself Feel Your Emotions

Loss is painful, scary, and upsetting. It’s no wonder many people tamp it all down and ignore their feelings. But unresolved grief can lead to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems, according to Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., on Helpguide.org.”Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it,” they say. So let it all out — cry, wallow, and vent as much as you need to. It’s way more healthy than holding it all in.

2. Tell Everyone How You Feel, Because You’re Allowed To Grieve

In today’s society, we’re expected to dust ourselves off, put on a clean shirt, and get back to life as soon as possible. But centuries ago, people would fully succumb to their grief, even going so far as to wear black mourning clothes for months at a time. It sounds like a genius idea, and one I wish was still in place today. According to Jana Riess on HuffingtonPost.com, “. the purpose of the all-black fashion regimen was to give the bereaved survivors some much-needed cultural latitude. The clothes they wore practically screamed, ‘The following person requires a wide berth. Don’t take it personally if she is distracted, or he is brusque. It’s not about you.'” Of course you don’t have to wear a literal black veil, but you should be open about needing time to feel better. The more honest you are about your sadness, the more people will respect your needs.

3. Turn To People Who Care About You Most

You may want to fall into bed with no intentions of ever returning to polite society again, and that’s OK to do for a while. But you should eventually let people back into your life, especially since doing so can help you move on. According to Edward T. Creagan, M.D., on MayoClinic.com, “Spending some time alone is fine, but isolation isn’t a healthy way to deal with grief. A friend, a confidant, a spiritual leader — all can help you along the journey of healing. Allow loved ones and other close contacts to share in your sorrow or simply be there when you cry.”

4. Take Care Of Yourself, No Matter What

When you’re throwing yourself around your apartment and staring out rain-streaked windows, it can be easy to let things like “food” and “sleep” slip your mind. Make sure you eat, get plenty of rest, and do things that are soothing and comforting. As Lynn Newman notes on TinyBuddha.com, “The shock of loss to all of our bodies — emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual—is superb. Our bodies need to be fed during this time, in order to handle such trauma. Self-care is personal, but I did the things I knew my body wanted: Lots of baths, fresh pressed organic juices, . exercising, journaling, reading inspiring books, talking with friends, getting out in sunshine, taking walks, . and learning to nurture myself.”Figure out what you need to do to feel healthy, and make sure you do it.

5. “Numb” Yourself With Positive Things (Drugs Not Included)

It’s important to avoid numbing yourself with substances, according to the health website NHS.UK. While drugs and alcohol may offer a short vacation from the agony, in the end they will only make you feel worse. Not to mention that abusing drugs while you’re sad can lead to addition problems down the road. So instead of turning to wine or bottles of Xanax, seek out counseling, turn to exercising, or start volunteering as a healthier way of distracting yourself.

6. Recognize That Time Doesn’t Heal All, And That’s OK

It may be hard to believe in the moment, but everyone keeps on trucking every day despite major losses in life. And you can, too. As Creagan notes, “Remember that time helps, but it might not cure. Time has the ability to make that acute, searing pain of loss less intense and to make your red-hot emotions less painful — but your feelings of loss and emptiness might never completely go away. Accepting and embracing your new ‘normal’ might help you reconcile your losses.”

7. Don’t Let Anyone Tell You How To Feel

Everyone deals with loss differently, so there’s no “right” way to feel when faced with a heaping pile of grief. Maybe you’re a crying mess, or a totally hilarious joke cracking machine. Wherever you fall on the spectrum is fine, regardless of what people say. As Smith and Segal note, “Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either. Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to ‘move on’ or ‘get over it.’ Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment.”

Dealing with loss is not easy, but there are ways to take care of yourself and make it (slightly) easier.

Everyone gets into a funk sometimes! Even those really successful people who might initially look like they have it all. When those feelings strike and you find yourself flat, unmotivated, and despondent about what you’re trying to achieve, it can be really tough to move forward.

It’s tempting to blame others and become the least productive manifestation of yourself, focusing in on anger, frustration, and anxiety. However, there are ways to tap into your hope and overcome the obstacles that make you feel most stuck. So, whatever your goal, try these six tips that can move forward with your life.

1. Change Your State

Change your attitude by changing your state. This is a popular personal development technique for a good reason, and it can take all sorts of different forms.

For example, if you’ve been indoors a lot, step out of your house and spend the whole day outside.

If you’re feeling despondent, get your body moving by dancing or exercising. If you’re hearing the critical voices of others (or yourself), drown it out by putting on your most optimistic music and singing along.

In addition, reach out to people who make you feel good and who know your true self. Sometimes, just talking to them will be enough to shake you out of your funk.

2. Block Out Negativity, And Take Ownership

If your current funk was partly triggered by the negativity of others (or by people telling you how you should behave), turn your full attention to your mission in life and to your vision of what your realized dream will look like.

Your life is under your full control, and no one else’s! After all, you know what’s best. Get in tune with the sense of trust you have in yourself, e.g. by repeating your most empowering affirmations or by writing down all the negative messages that have been bothering you and then writing down positive beliefs that counteract these limiting statements.

3. Let Go Of The Past

Chances are you are looking at your future life through filters of fear and failures from your past. And this is what is holding you back from truly moving forward.

You need to realize that your past is exactly that, the past. This doesn’t mean that you should try and make yourself forget about your past. Because, firstly, it is pretty much impossible, and, secondly, the past has still taught you some valuable lessons. What you need to do is to let go of the negative emotions and limiting beliefs, so that they lose power over your future.

Of course, it is sometimes easier said than done.

Free Law Of Attraction Tool Kit:
Learn How To Manifest More Effectively Today

4. Start Small

If you’re stuck in a funk because you have a particular task you don’t want to tackle and you’re paralyzed by the thought, find something small that you can do in order to secure a “win.”

Small steps take you on long journeys. Break your biggest, unpleasant task down into lots of little sub-tasks and do at least one of them today. Even this act can help you feel like you’re moving forward and can make dreaded or intimidating tasks seem manageable. And if one of the broken down tasks looks too big, break that down as well!

TIP:

It is important to find out what one big thing is holding you back. Everyone has something.

For example, it may be an old relationship or a dead end job. Do you know what’s yours?

Usually, when you know what it is and when you get rid of it, all the other small things (like doubts or toxic people) get out of your way much easier.

So ask yourself this, if you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

Got it? There you go. That’s the one thing you should work the hardest on. And don’t worry if you’re having trouble locating that one thing. Our Law of Attraction Toolkit has all the resources you need to start living your best life.

5. Stick To A Schedule

Being stuck in a funk usually involves inaction, so one of the best things you can do for yourself is to draw up a schedule and then stick to it religiously. Even if you don’t currently have a job (or you’re self-employed), figure out your “hours of operation” and commit to working your way through your task lists during these times.

Even just beginning with an hour a week, three nights a week is a great start! You can then gradually increase the amount of time you devote to working on your goals.

6. Live In Gratitude

If you’re unable to be grateful for what you already have and all that there is to cherish in your life, the universe is not going to give you more! You’ve probably already considered the idea of keeping a gratitude journal (a common Law of Attraction exercise), but there are also other great ways to live in gratitude.

For example, try cultivating a daily habit of thanking someone you care about and practice mindfulness meditations that encourage you to let feelings of love, compassion and acceptance wash over you.

7. Help Others Move Forward

When you assist others in moving out of their own funks, you make a genuine connection that’s deeply gratifying and can spark your own passion as well. Of course, you don’t want to neglect your own needs and sacrifice all of your time and energy for others, but there’s a balance to be found here.

When you provide support and inspiration for people, you will get more support and inspiration from the universe in return. If, in contrast, you focus on jealousy or refuse to share any of your own resources, you’ll get fewer resources from the universe and are more likely to stay in a funk for longer.

It’s crucial to remember that everyone gets stuck in a funk from time to time and that it’s not always easy to shake it off. Don’t feel guilty for having this very human experience! If you stick to your vision of the life you want to have and stick to your mission to succeed, you’ll find yourself moving forward into happiness and excitement.

Do you feel overwhelmed by trying to decide what direction your life should take next? Follow these strategies to take your next steps effectively

For many of us, making life choices doesn’t come easily. We watch, bewildered, as all around us other people seem to have an innate understanding of what it is that they want to do and where they’re headed, which career to pursue, which neighbourhood to live in or even whom to marry.

But take heart if you are one of life’s dabblers who never seems to be able to stick to just one choice, but instead travels through life changing lanes and taking up new interests on a regular basis. If this sounds like you, chances are you are what life and careers coach Barbara Sher dubs a ‘scanner’ – the type of person who thrives on change and skimming the surface of things, to savour as many different experiences as possible.

This is great once you get going, but many have trouble getting anything done at all. ‘For scanners, deciding what to do next can feel really scary,’ says John Williams, author of Screw Work, Let’s Play (Prentice Hall), who runs monthly Scanners Nights in London. ‘The good news is, there are strategies you can adopt to move your life forward.’

1. Pick a project.

For many of us, the last time we immersed ourselves in a project was probably when we were at school. Projects offer a chance to focus on one area and go on a voyage of discovery. ‘Start by choosing a life area that you want to move forward with – either a hobby or a business idea, a lifestyle or a new relationship,’ says Williams. ‘Then write down a list of all the experiences around that topic that you feel you might enjoy. Don’t censor. So if you’re looking to change job, you might write down a list of possible new careers, from stockbroker to writer to coach.’

Once you have this list, pick the one that sounds most appealing to experiment with. ‘If you really can’t decide, toss a coin,’ says Williams. It doesn’t matter what you choose, as long as you do choose something.’

2. Commit for a month.

‘Schedule a short burst of time, say half an hour, to work on your project every day,’ says Williams. However, he has clear rules about how this time is to be used. ‘Avoid ruminating, reading or Googling. Instead, dive in and actually experience the thing you want to do,’ he says. So if you’re looking for love, go on dates or chat online to potential partners rather than just aimlessly surfing dating sites. If you want a new career as a web designer, interview people who already do the job, read trade magazines, hang out at the same places as them, or do a course.

‘If an interest only exists in your head, you really have no idea whether it’s for you or not,’ says Williams. ‘You have to try it.’

This holds true for any choice you have to make. ‘If something isn’t making you happy or getting results, instead of ditching it immediately, spend some time thinking about what would need to happen to make it work for you,’ says Williams. ‘Very often you’ll see a way forward just by doing this,’ says Williams. He points out that scanners very often bail out too early before giving things a chance.

‘If things aren’t going well, ask yourself why,’ he says. ‘If you’re bored, or not getting along with other people involved, check whether this has been an issue somewhere else in your life in the past. There is a certain wisdom in the phrase “what you do anywhere is what you do everywhere”. Identifying your patterns can be incredibly useful.’ For example, if you get bored easily, realise that this is normal and might be a phase you need to go through before becoming fully engaged.

4. Be flexible.

‘You can do almost anything if you do the work, but it is worth remembering that some things are much more difficult and competitive than others,’ says Williams, citing writing a novel, acting and pop stardom as prime examples.

‘That doesn’t mean you should give up if something feels difficult, or opt for things that are easy,’ he says. ‘But what you might find is that you can get the experience you want from doing something slightly different.’ For example, if you want to be a writer, work out what is it about writing that you love. Is it that you enjoy playing with words, or is it that you like creating fantasy worlds? If it’s the latter, there are lots of other things that would give you that, for example set design, computer game scripts or working with children.

5. Few choices are irreversible.

‘People fear committing to one option because they believe they’ll have to stick with it for ever, compromise or put up with something they might fall out of love with,’ says Williams. ‘But just because you’ve made a choice, that doesn’t mean it’s for ever. The trick is to customise situations to suit you as things evolve, and, if all else fails, you can still move on to a different choice.’ Very few choices are irreversible.

More inspiration:

Read Love, loss and recovery – moving out and moving by David Head on LifeLabs

Read You are in charge of your direction by Agatha Penney on LifeLabs

No matter who you are, being rejected sucks. Especially when it happens inВ your love life.

The worst (or maybe the best, I can never decide) part of it all is that everyone gets rejected at some point or another.В EvenВ super hot girls like Raven Gates on “The Bachelor.”

I’ve gotta be honest here, I don’t really like “The Bachelor.”

But from what I understand, Nick Viall dumped a girl named Raven Gates in the finale and she was pretty bummed about it. On the After the Rose Special,В she toldВ Chris Harrison:

I was realistic with another person being there, but I was also very confident in what we had because we were so fun-loving, had such a great time with each other. I think maybe a lot of people thought that I was naive, but I wasn’t.

Weird that she didn’t think she was “naive” when she was posting pictures of herself and five other chicks (who were all trying toВ marry her “boyfriend”) touching hisВ butt. But you know what they say, LOVE MAKES PEOPLE CRAZY.

But all my feelings towards “The Bachelor” aside, being dumped by someone you love sucks.

I feel bad for Raven and I want her to be able to move on. It’s hard to move on, but it’s one of those suckyВ things you sometimes have to go through in life.

And I’m here to tell you how to move on.

Accept the fact that he does not love you.

This is the first and probably the hardest part of the whole process.

You need to stop making excuses, stop dwelling on all the fun moments you sharedВ with himВ and accept the fact that THIS MAN DOES NOT LOVE YOU.

I don’t care how many good times you had together. He could’ve been your dream guy; the absolute perfect manВ who you thought only existed in your imagination.

I mean, look at this cute couple having a blast together:

But there’s one thing that’s fundamentally wrong with that picture: This guyВ doesn’t love her. And it’s simply never going to work out with someone who doesn’t love you.

It’s hard to accept that fact because your brain wants to believe that he really was perfect. Your brain wants to make excuses for him and reexamineВ what went wrong.

You need to figure out a way to tell your brain to STFU. Which leads me to.

Cut him out of your life completely.

How do you tell your brain to STFU? Well, a good start is to cut him out of your life completely.

It’s obviously hard to cut someone you love out of your life cold turkey. It hurts. Your natural instinct is to want to keep them in your life in any capacity.

But,В to keep him from occupying your mind all day, you need to cut him out. Block him on social media, lose his number and start getting used to life without him.

He probably won’t be pleased when you break the news to him, but you need to stay strong and remember that it’s for your own good.

Maybe, at some point in the future, you can be friends with him, but for now, your love for him is romantic, and his presence — online or IRL — is too much to handle right now.

Do a little bit of a boy cleanse.

LifeВ withoutВ him doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to jump right into lifeВ withВ a new guy.

No, if you were truly IN LOVE with this guy, I’m going to assume you’re getting overВ a pretty intense relationship.

As fast and exciting as falling in love can be, fallingВ outВ of love can be a long process. So don’t try to rush it! Take as much time as you need to really get reconnected withВ yourself.

Spend time hanging with your friendsВ andВ doing things you loved to do before he was around.В Go to brunch and enjoy a good laugh. Go out and dance on aВ table. Stay at home one night and get started onВ that book you always talked about writing.

Do things YOU love to do with people YOU love to be around to remind yourself of all the good there is outside of him.

No matter how independent your relationship was, it’s inevitable that a lot of your time wasВ monopolized by doing things with him. It’s time to remember the things you loved to do withoutВ him.

When you’re ready, find a rebound.

Once you’ve taken enough time to yourself, someone new will eventually cross your path.

If you’re feeling up for it, GO FOR IT.

Obviously, don’t force yourself to move on if you’re not ready. But, on the other hand, don’t hold yourself back if youВ areВ ready to move on.

No matter how confident you are, getting dumped by someone you really loved can shake your self-esteem a bit.В A rebound can help youВ remember that you’ve still got it.

It’ll help you learn that you’re not doomed to be alone and loveless for the rest of your life. There’s HOPE out there.

Remember that you’re better off without someone who never loved you.

Even when you move on (and I promise that day WILL come), your mind will wonder back to him from time to time because. well, you really did used to love him.

Remember that your mind’s portrayal of him isn’t reality. Science has literally proven that our brains romanticize our past relationships.

Not to mention the fact that all of thoseВ pictures you’re wistfully looking back on were strategically taken to make you guys look happy and in love.

Next time you’re feeling upset over your breakup,В you need to face theВ fact: He didn’t love you.

And, frankly, you deserve way better than having someone in yourВ lifeВ who never loved you.

Life is all about continuous progress: the ability to move forward and to achieve greatness. You cannot hope to ever achieve such things if you are holding on to things from your past.

All this will do is prevent you from reaching your full potential. By holding on to past ideals, you are self-sabotaging any progress you hope to make. You need to make peace with your past and learn to accept things the way they are, whether it makes sense or not.

Coming to peace with certain realities is what will allow you to move on from the past in order to have a great future. Once you let go of the things in life that are holding you back, the quicker you will be able to achieve your goals. You need to give up certain things in order to fully commit yourself to the life you want to obtain.

Start eliminating your concern regarding the following and see what a difference that will make in your life.

1. Other people’s opinion

This is something far too many people worry about. This is inherently problematic, as you cannot change someone else’s opinion. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion even if you do not agree with it or it’s completely inaccurate. You just have to concentrate on living the best possible life for yourself that you can. People who engage in incessant gossip are unhappy with their own lives so they seek to degrade others to try and enhance their self-worth. The kicker is that this will leave them just as miserable as before.

2. Explanations

At one point or another, you are going to realize that sometimes there just isn’t a reasonable explanation as to why something occurred the way it did. You can spend all the time you want rehashing things in your mind, trying to make sense of a situation, but honestly you may never come to a realization. This is something that takes a lot of time and experience to realize, but once you do, it really can make all the difference.

3. Expectations

The sooner you stop expecting people to act in certain ways, the happier you will be. Allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised by the actions of others instead of becoming disappointed when they don’t follow through in the manner in which you thought they would. You can only control your actions, not those of others, so it’s simply in your best interest to let people act the way they will without creating false hope.

4. Mistakes you made in the past

The past is over and if you have done all you can do to make up for your mistakes, then there is nothing else you can do at this point. If people throw this in your face, then you need to cut these people out of your life. It’s as simple as that. Everyone makes mistakes, it’s a part of growing up. As long as you correct your mistakes and learn from them, then that should be all there is to it.

5. Dwelling on heartbreak

Just because it didn’t work out with one person doesn’t mean it won’t work out with someone else. Rather than allowing your past to pull you down and harmfully impact your future, use your experiences to grow and learn about yourself. The people you meet in life come at the time they do for a reason. Don’t waste your time replaying incidents over and over in your head trying to make sense of them. If your relationship didn’t work out, it’s okay, take it as a lesson learned and carry that into your future.

6. Grudges

There is no reason to actively resent another person. It doesn’t harm the other person as much as it will harm you. Why are you focusing your energy on someone you don’t even care about? Do you really think they are wasting their valuable time concerning themselves with your actions? Just let it be — don’t engage in malicious behavior, you are beyond that. Leave whatever happened to cause this tension in the past and move on.

7. Failing to appreciate what you have

Instead of focusing on what you think you are missing from your life, try and focus on what you are so fortunate to have. It’s far too easy to look around at the people you surround yourself with and become jealous of what they have. Everyone is fighting a battle within that no one knows about. Just because someone has materialistic possessions does not mean he or she is internally happy. Be grateful for the things that are most important to you and relish them instead of focusing on what you believe to be missing. You have made it this far, so wouldn’t it only make sense that you have everything you need?

8. Excuses

You have to seize each opportunity that is presented to you and immerse yourself completely. Do not make excuses because you will only hinder your own personal progress and prevent you from achieving your goals. If you want results, you need to stop making excuses. Work hard and take advantage of all possibilities because that is the only way you will garner the largest and most beneficial results.

9. Insecurity

By this time in your life, there really is no reason to be insecure. Don’t consume yourself with worry about what other people are thinking — chances are they are way more concerned with themselves than you. Everything you have done up until this point is enough and has gotten you to this place in your life. Confidence is a state of mind; if you believe you are a good person with good values, then it should be enough to build your confidence. Insecurity is something that holds people back more than anything else and it’s a damn shame because the person making you feel the most insecure is yourself.

10. Dealing with drama

The only thing dealing with drama will lead to is anxiety. Why are people drawn to this? I honestly don’t understand. You need to surround yourself with people who are constantly pushing themselves for the better, if you are consistently surrounding yourself with negative people, this will only hinder your progression. Think back to all of the drama you have dealt with in your life and think about if it really has any effect on your life now. The answer to that question is usually no and the time put into dealing with that drama is just not worth it.

What do I expect from myself? This is a question you must reflect on in order to process and move on from life’s challenges. You’re only going to get what you expect from any situation.

Heartache, job loss, illness, death; any of these can incarcerate your thoughts, making you feel burdened; ushering you into self-doubts and whys. However, it is in the healing steps, the vulnerable moments, that you find your strength. Here are simple steps that will help you move on in life.

12 Steps to Move on Peacefully for a Better Life

1.Breathe

Breathing is life and is going to be your best friend when learning how to move on.

When studying what causes emotions(1), psychologist and scientist insist you invoke joy by breathing slowly, deeply and through the nose; breathing regularly while relaxing your rib cage.

You do not have to join a yoga class — it is suggested, see step 10 — or cognitive therapy group in order to breath right; just use this highly underrated life necessity to guide you into the surrender; use slow, belly deep breaths to help combat anxieties.

2.Surrender

“Surrender is the simple but profound wisdom of yielding to rather than opposing the flow of life.” Eckhart Tolle, The Power Of Now(2)

At some point you have to accept controlling everything isn’t possible, self-control is. Manifesting positivity forces you past the darkest of situations and into serenity.

If you allow the circumstances five minutes ago to infest the present, you have not surrendered. Breathe! Surrendering to yourself is the torch lighting the path to move on. Surrendering allows calmness and unloads a bountiful flow of self-compassion.

3. Feel

You need to go through the emotions, allowing them to pass; holding onto them is dangerous.

These are just a few feels you can go through, don’t take them personally. They are real and part of moving on but do not define you. Allow yourself to accept feelings and in accepting, you become aware of how to relieve suffering.

4. Observing Emotions

Once you’re able to unload, you must observe.

1. Observe the cause of the emotions. You’ll start getting those “uh-huh” moments and you’ll be able to stop consuming-thoughts.
2. Observe the actual emotion. Take a deep breath and watch your newly surrendered self tap-out of the ring of negativity, allowing those feelings to wrestle there way out.

This step allows you to take each feeling and use what’s needed. Be mindful and inhale, dismissing what isn’t.

5. Forgive

Forgiveness isn’t for others, it’s for you. The Mayo Clinic (3) suggest that being unforgiving allows the past to affect future life stages, assisting depression and anxiety, which can keep you from creating new connections.

There is no guide on forgiving, you just have to do it; in between breaths. Forgiving isn’t weakness, it’s action.

6. Examine Life, Presently

“When I say “life”, I am talking about life, per se, not what you do. You generally think life is your family, your work, your business, your wealth, whatever else you possess but these are all accessories of life.”, explains Sadhguru (4).

Deeply examine the freedom of circumstance once you have forgiven or grieved (5), observed and surrendered.

What is left? You are left; the whole you!

Only pain left with the sadness: examine you, embrace you, love you, forgive you.

7. Create

“Learning to use all your emotions creatively is very important, “ Sadhguru sais.

Now in motion, move on motivationally by creating the space you deserve. Start manifesting all those wants and wishes.

Opening up to your creativity can release hidden emotions. The subconscious likes to assist the ego in opening baggage when we start feeling good.

When used appropriately, creativity can really manifest some good stuff. Paint, draw, write, do pottery, or anything that has, or is, striking your passions. This can redirect your energy, aiding in peace.

8.Nurture

Just as we observed the negative, we must observe and nurture the positive; apply that you are learning how to move on.

Continuously remind yourself of the process you are going through. To nurture is to award progress.

9. Relax

Take some time to process the process; meditate or just breath. Allow yourself time to mend.

Enjoy the peace, sit back, and take in the successes of breaking through. You’ve moved on from the problem and into the relaxation of the mind.

10.Interact

Now, breathing normally, get out and enjoy life. Take a yoga class maybe, to center and keep your breath. Enjoy nature and the presence of others. Discuss it with others.

There are people out there that have gone through your situation before and want to listen. People appreciate progress in conflict. You may be what someone needs to get through their surrender.

11. Reflect

Reflect on who you were in the beginning compared to who you have become; a more centered, self-loving individual.

You used your oppression as progression. These little steps are sustainability for consistant subcontious assistance.

12. Release

Let go of it all and exhale! You are still here and stronger because of it.

Take those memories and keep them as ammunition against future struggles.

“Don’t let the darkness from your past block the light of joy in your present. What happened is done. Stop giving time to things which no longer exist, when there is so much joy to be found here and now.”

If you are lucky enough to spend time in mindful communities you will hear the phrase “letting go” used frequently. The practice of letting go is used to support our acceptance of the way things are, and I believe it’s a cornerstone of creating a happy, full life.

But what happens when you’re being asked to let go of something that is deeply emotionally charged or something that directly relates to how you identify yourself?

When we have a deep emotional attachment to an event or circumstance in our life and we’re being asked to let it go, it can often feel like we’re being asked to move on and forget about the past, person, or event that we’re deeply connected to.

In 2010 my oldest son passed away unexpectedly. At that time I had been a practicing yogi for almost ten years and had navigated what I thought were significant opportunities for practicing detachment and letting go.

For example, during my divorce from my son’s father I let go of my long held dream of having a happy marriage, white picket fence, kids, and a dog (though I did get the kids and the dog).

Following my divorce, when my middle son, at the young age of fourteen, had to be sent away to a drug treatment facility, I let go of the typical teenage dreams of homecomings, proms, varsity sports, and so on; after all, I wasn’t sure he would live to see those years. Not only did Daniel live through those years, he has since become a vibrant soul, who never needed all those typical experiences to thrive.

So when my oldest son passed away while home on leave from the army I felt I had a head start in the letting go department, and therefore, I would find my way to healing more quickly. Not true.

Some attachments are so deeply woven into the fiber of our beings they seem almost impossible to let go.

Fortunately (but not really), we live in a culture that allows 365 days to ‘let go’ of the death of a loved one.

After Brandon died everyone was patient, loving, kind, and willing to support me going through the first year. However, on day 366 our culture seems to think it’s time to get over it, let go, and move on.

Even with my prior experience of letting go, it took me almost three years to really figure out what it means to let go when what you’re letting go of is an essential piece of your heart, soul, and identity.

Below I have identified three action steps you can take to use your practice of letting go to deepen your personal growth and attract joy and happiness in your life.

1. Future thinking—believing you can’t be happy or you’ll be happy when…

As a bereaved parent I struggled for a long time with believing that I had ‘the right’ to be happy. I struggled with reconciling happy moments in my life (with friends or my other children) with the deep grief I felt for losing Brandon.

Once I learned that life isn’t making a choice between the two emotions, but rather learning to balance and integrate them both into each situation, I was able to let go of my belief that I couldn’t be happy and begin to hold both feelings.

Another way we set ourselves up for struggling with letting go is defining our happiness in terms of if-then.

If I get the raise at work, lose ten pounds, meet my soul mate, then I’ll be happy. Those events may change certain qualities about your life, but the achievement alone doesn’t bring happiness.

When you find yourself if-then thinking, bring your focus back to the present and appreciate what is already wonderful in your world.

2. Past thinking—attachment to how things should be

As we grow up we often become attached to how we think our life should be, and we create beliefs about universal truths.

Perhaps you believed you should get a college degree, get married, have two kids, and live in the burbs. But instead you are struggling to make ends meet, don’t have a significant other, and live in your parents’ basement.

Staying fixated on how you think your life should be focuses your attention of lack rather than abundance, and on wishful thinking instead of reality.

Recognizing should-be thinking is a powerful way to shift our thoughts toward appreciation for what we do have, enabling us to come from a place of gratitude. Gratitude is a key element to joyful living.

It’s harder to let go of should-be thinking when our thoughts involve universal truths. I believed, and it’s a commonly accepted truth, that children will outlive their parents. But no one ever guaranteed me that Brandon would outlive me. The universe did not break a sacred promise with me when Brandon died.

The reality is, and I know it’s hard to hear and harder to accept, how things should be are exactly how they are right now. (I know, I don’t always like it either)

3. Definitive thinking—believing there are some wounds you can never heal from

Do you remember how you felt when you were twelve and your first boy/girlfriend broke your heart? It felt like a wound that would never heal! But it did, and you learned so much about love, life, and your own capacity to be resilient.

Unfortunately, we often experience other events in our lives that feel much bigger than that and leave us with a void that feels insurmountable. Perhaps it’s abuse, or the abandonment by a parent. These types of events leave us with wounds that are carved deep into our souls and can be much more challenging to overcome than your seventh grade love.

The human spirit has the capacity to overcome almost anything. When we let go of the thought that we can’t heal from something that has deeply wounded us, we open ourselves up to the growth potential this event holds.

It might take a lot of time, help from professionals, and deep soulful work on our part. But healing from these types of wounds can be the most transformative and powerful things we do in our lives.

What Letting Go Is Not

Letting go of an ideal, thought, or experience is not some laisse-faire, woo-woo thing.

Letting go often takes work on our part and requires us to do some introspection about what’s true and what we’re actually attached to. Neither is letting go the same as moving on without doing the work or simply forgetting about an important life-changing event or experience.

Another important aspect to recognize about letting go is that it’s not the same as forgiving someone who has wronged you. Forgiveness is an important aspect of wholehearted living, and it’s separate from letting go of attachments that keep you from becoming the incredible individual the world needs you to be.

Letting Go Is a Work in Progress

Begin the practice of letting by noticing the small ways in which you let attachment create unhappiness in your life. For example, what do you do when you’re really looking forward to your morning cup of joe and realize you’re out of coffee? Or when a friend cancels a date that you’ve been looking forward to?

Learning to let go of the things that are not serving you will free up energy and resources and you will begin to reap the benefits of a grateful, joyful life.

“Life is like a book. Some chapters are sad, some are happy and some are exciting, but if you never turn the page, you will never know what the next chapter has in store for you.”

If you’ve lived long enough, you’ve had to endure endings of some major eras in your life. These endings may have occurred when you graduated from high school or college, changed jobs or careers, severed a relationship or relocated to a different place.

Whatever the circumstances were, you had to bid adieu to an old and familiar way of being. You may have felt sentimental as you said your goodbyes while also feeling anxious about what could be in store for you in your upcoming destination.

Many of us find it difficult to move on because of an inability to let go of the ways things were. We attempt to cling on to old habits, patterns and relationships, not realizing that it is draining our energy and blocking us from receiving the blessings that await us in the future.

Having confronted this challenge several times in the past, I know that crossing the bridge of life transitions is not an easy feat. The finality of endings used to disturb me because the thought that I would never experience the same situation or be around the same people again felt like a “mini-death”.

It was not until I enrolled in a World Religion course at university that I began shifting my perspective on this. In the course, I learned about a Buddhist concept called the “Wheel of Life”, which is a visual depiction of the Buddhists’ view of our existence as a cycle of life, death, re-birth and “suffering”. To them, this recurring cycle is the very essence of life.

This philosophy opened my eyes to one of the biggest realities of life: change is an inevitable part of our existence. If we want to prosper and experience authentic joy, we have to be able to adapt to the constant state of flux that turns the wheel of life.

Resisting change will only hurt us and interrupt the flow of abundance into our personal space. We have to be open to allowing new energies and influences to create shifts in our life so that we can continue to evolve and grow.

It’s also important that we hold onto the gems of the past, such as any fond memories and important life lessons. In fact, taking a trip down memory lane can be fun and nourishing for the soul as it can elicit pleasant and joyful feelings.

All of this necessitates the need for coping mechanisms that will enable us to make a smooth transition from the past into the new era that is knocking at our door. Here is a big-picture framework of the actions that you can take to successfully move through the passage of change:

1. Leave the pain of the past: Whether you are leaving a job, city or a relationship, ensure that upon your departure, you leave with a sense of love and gratitude. Let go of any grudges, bitterness and pain and reframe your experience as a time of learning (inspiration quotes about moving forward). Remember that whatever you’re leaving behind is no longer going to be present in your physical reality and you can only relive within the internal world of your memories. Letting go of any toxicity and painful debris from the past will lighten your emotional baggage and allow you to travel light in the following chapters of your life.

2. Hold on to the wisdom: Every single experience that we have happens for a reason and is all part of the Universe’s plan for our personal evolution. It behooves us to be attuned to the deeper meaning and lessons from all our experiences, both good and bad, and not let it go to waste. I recommend writing in a journal or talking to someone you trust about this issue. Some of the questions that you can ask yourself are – what did I learn by going through this phase in my life? How did it change me as a person? Which accomplishments am I proud of? What are some things that I can change or do better next time?

3. Re-connect with your vision and set some new goals: After you have turned the page over, you can direct your attention to filling out the pages of the new chapter in your life. The best source of guidance is your internal compass because it takes your purpose, values and vision for your future into consideration. Based on this self-knowledge, write down some goals that you would like to achieve in this new phase. Get excited because this is a brand new opportunity to start over – and this time you are armed with wisdom from your past experiences!

4. Explore your new surroundings or circumstances: Stepping into any new terrain does require you to do your due diligence of getting to know who and what you are dealing with. Conduct your own personal orientation before jumping in and forging associations, and committing to tasks. At this point, you want to take on the role of an explorer and navigate your way through this unfamiliar ground. Whether you are starting a new relationship or career, take the time to ask the right questions to ensure that you easily acclimate to your surroundings, and find ways to manifest your goals within it.

If you are at a place in your life where you are trying to overcome feelings of sadness and you’re struggling to adjust to your present reality, please be kind to yourself during this process. Know that what you are going through is not meant to be easy and will test your strength of character.

Loosen your grip on the past and know that something exciting is awaiting you if you open yourself up to it. Like a snake that sheds its old skin or a bird molts its frayed feathers, you too can shed the old layers of pain in preparation for a new layer of growth and prosperity to grow in the near future.

All my best on your journey,

Question for you: Have you ever found it challenging to turn the page over in your life circumstances? What has made it difficult for you to move on from those circumstances? What’s the biggest lesson that you have learned when it comes to how to move on and start a new chapter in your life?

Did you like this post? Sign up below and I’ll send you more awesome posts like this every week.

posted on February 10, 2014

You might feel stuck, but you’re unsure why. I’ve listed 12 behaviors that are possibly holding you back from where you are now to where you want to be.

You can start to make changes now. Stop denying yourself from becoming the type of person you truly want to become. Get rid of the old you, and start allowing the real you to come through.

You need to stop…

1. Being too safe – No pain, no gain. Playing it safe gets you nowhere in life. You want to play it safe because you’re so afraid of failure. By being too safe, you don’t even try. You don’t see what’s can possibly happen.

To reach your full potential, the road will be bumpy. It’s intentionally that way to find out who wants it the most. The weak ones get left behind, while the risk takers forge ahead and see what’s further down the road. That’s where happiness is. Where there is happiness there will be success as well.

2. Doubting your own dreams. – It doesn’t matter what your dream is. It could be starting a business, writing a book, finding love, or something else. The first thing you have to do is believe in yourself. Don’t seek validation from others. Believing in yourself might be hard because you’re just beginning, but you have to believe in what you’re doing without seeing the whole road in front of you.

3. Being influenced by negative people – You cannot be a positive person if you’re surrounded with negativity all the time. Sometimes these people are long time friends, but they’ve decided to take their life in a different direction than you want. Usually it’s no direction. It’s not a healthy relationship anymore. If someone isn’t adding any value you to your life, it’s best to say goodbye.

4. Expecting everything to be easy. – Stop expecting life is going to be a smooth ride. It’s not. Life is like sailingl across the Atlantic ocean. It’s going to start off real smooth. During the journey there will be huge waves and heavy rains. It’s part of the journey. The person sailing knows that and has to prepare for moments like that. Instead of wanting a life that’s easy, become a person that can handle the choppy waters.

If you remove all struggles from your life, you’re not going to find out what you’re truly made of. Success feels even sweeter when you’ve overcome your struggles and thrived.

5. Letting everyone else decide for your life for you. – You think it’s easier to just let other people decide for you because you don’t know what you want. Maybe you’re afraid of making the wrong choice. If you let people dictate your life, you will live a life that you don’t want.

If I listened to my parents, I’d either be an unhappy doctor or lawyer. Don’t give your life away to others who put you on a path that has no meaning for you.

6. Living in the past. – Would of, could of, should of. There’s moments that you wished you could go back and have a do over. Try not to dwell on the opportunities you missed out. You can’t go back anyways. Keep moving forward and if opportunities comes again, you will be better prepared to take it.

Living in the past guarantees that not have the future you desire.

7. Ignoring the lessons – Everything happens for a reason and you can learn and grow from. When something bad happens, and it will, find the lesson behind it. What could you have done better? What would you do if faced with the same situation in the future?

8. Holding on to resentment. – If you’re carrying baggage from your past, you won’t have room for all the everything else you want. Holding onto resentment, past failures, a broken heart and hate for others is going to keep you living in the past. Let it go so you can finally move forward. You start by writing a letter to yourself.

9. Being too hard on yourself. – If you screw up, give yourself a break. Everyone makes mistakes. When you make a mistake, it’s not the end of the world. So it’s not as bad as you think. Pick yourself up and try again. Nobody is perfect an neither are you.

10. Being so pessimistic. – You often spend way too much time why you’re not good enough, why you don’t deserve to be successful, and why you can’t do it. You waste too much time with that inner voice that won’t shut up. You walk with our head down. It’s time to turn that frown upside down.

Instead of thinking “Why me?” think “Why not me?” Why can’t you be a bestselling author? Why can’t you become an actor? Why can’t you start a million dollar company? If others have done it, why can’t you?

11. Giving up too soon. – Most people give up right before their big breakthrough. Of course they don’t know it’s coming, but they give up too soon. If you choose something you believe in, then go after it with everything you have. Someday all that hard work and sacrifice will come together.

I tried so many different online businesses and failed. When I had unbelievable success with my first app, it looked like an overnight success, but it wasn’t. I never gave up hope that I’d have an online business. I just didn’t know when it would come. I just kept trying something until it worked for me. Because of the struggles I had, I can look back and smile about how resilient I was and didn’t give up on my dream.

or….. How to move forward in life.

Moving ourselves out of “I don’t know” and into action can be as simple as getting curious. So how can we do this?

We often tell ourselves that we don’t know how to do something. For example, how to move forward in life. In fact, much of the time we are so able to convince ourselves about how much we don’t know that we aren’t able to move forward! Not even an inch! YIKES! So we stay stuck in whatever mushy, messy, dark place we are in. Instead of taking action we keep repeating how much we hate it and how much we don’t know. Blech! [/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height=”40px”][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner][vc_single_image image=”55933″ img_size=”large” alignment=”right”][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][vc_empty_space height=”40px”][mk_blockquote style=”line-style” font_family=”PT+Sans” font_type=”google” font_size_combat=”true” text_size=”25″ force_font_size=”true” size_smallscreen=”25″ size_tablet=”21″ size_phone=”18″]

THE BEST WAY TO ACCOMPLISH WHAT YOU WANT TO, IS TO MOVE TOWARDS THE VERY PARTS OF IT THAT SCARE THE SH*T OUT OF YOU.

[/mk_blockquote][vc_empty_space height=”40px”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1518471741802”]

So what’s the answer? Get curious!

I have to admit that in general I’m a HUGE fan of curiosity. I’ve found it to be one of the best ever ways to get unstuck and get moving. And that means moving towards my goals. Being curious opens up all sorts of options for me to explore my options without shame, guilt or fattening calories.

How does the magic of curiosity work?

Read on and you’ll have the whole shebang right at your fingertips! [/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height=”40px”][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”3/4″][vc_single_image image=”55662″ img_size=”large” alignment=”right”][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/4″][vc_separator color=”black”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1518470235611”]Spend some time quizzing yourself about what you really want and what steps you need to take to move closer to your goal.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1518471837399”]

Use Curiosity to Create Opportunities

1. Write down something you want to accomplish this year.
2. Now write down your own “I don’t know” statement about this. What is the thing you are telling yourself you don’t know how to do, or don’t know enough about that is keeping you from just diving right into creating whatever it is you are dreaming of doing? Here are some examples…. “I don’t know the first thing about……” OR, “I never in my life have…..” OR that all-time classic, “I’m not a person who…..”.
3. Next close your eyes, go on….. We’ve got time. Take 3 deep breaths and let all those thoughts go bye bye.
4. Take a fresh sheet of paper.. Go ahead, splurge! Write out the following sentence: “What hints can I find all around me that can help me take action and move me forward?” Think B R O A D L Y. What have you read or seen in the past week? What about that guy next to you in line getting coffee who said he knew about…….? Or the poster you saw for a workshop or Meetup? Wasn’t there something a friend mentioned in passing or a post on Instagram or FB that was somehow related?
5. List at least 10 “hints” that you have to help you move closer to your accomplishment.
6. Draw a ◯ next to the easiest one and draw a ✓ next to the one that instills you with fear.
7. Now take a minute and write down why one feels easier and one induces a desire to run back to bed and hide under the covers.
8. Lastly, make a commitment to yourself to follow up with ALL the hints on your list in the next 7-10 days.

Here’s the thing…..

The best way to accomplish what you want, is to move towards the very parts of it that scare the crap out of you. The more some aspect scares you, the more you are coming right up against some hidden idea you have about what you are capable of. The deeper into that scary thing you go- the faster it’s going to show up kicking and screaming and then….. Then you get to move beyond it.

I’ll say it again…

Meet fear with curiosity and you will be able to see the fear for what it is. Call it fiction or a story or past history, it ain’t got much to do with how and who you are in the world RIGHT NOW! The minute you unearth that hidden belief, it can’t wield its magical powers over you.

Which means.. TA DA! It can’t keep you stuck in the same way any longer.

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][vc_empty_space height=”40px”][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Subscribe

Subscribe

5 Ways to Move on After Making a Huge Mistake

There’s that moment when you realize you made a huge mistake. How do you recover? How do you move forward after such a screwup?

There’s that moment when you realize you made a huge mistake.

OK, take a little time to absorb what you did (or didn’t do). But a very little time because the truth is, there are no mistakes, just choices. There is a reason you made that choice — although you may not know it yet. It wasn’t random or an accident, though.

That choice you made doesn’t require you to go to battle with yourself. That choice or action came from an unacknowledged part of you and was the right one for you in the moment. Maybe you just don’t see how yet.

So wherever you are in life, value the journey. Even if where you are is the result of what you now see as the biggest mistake of your life. Be where you are, now, in this moment, on this journey. The steps behind you were already taken, and the steps to come are potential waiting to happen. Bring the fullness of this moment into that future.

Here are some ways to find value in this moment of your journey when you are living with the consequences of a choice or action you’re tempted to view as a mistake:

1. Appreciate your opportunity to come to know those instincts that caused you to make that decision or take those actions. Appreciate those instincts. While you’re at it, expand your circle of appreciation to include yourself, your family, your friends, your dog or cat, your home, that beautiful flower outside your door, the sun on the water, the fact that you’re alive.

2. This is a step in your journey. Remember that you’ll see choices or actions in a different way from the vantage point of a place further along your path.

3. Remember that your journey continues and what you experience in this moment enriches your next moment. Be fully present in it, and take the fullness of the moment forward with you. Every moment of experience gives you more information and knowledge and insight and experience and know-how to use as you continue your journey. Every step makes you who you are.

4. Think about how you’d like to use the next moment of your life and whatever it brings. Or where you’d next like to place your foot as you continue on your path.

5. Steps. It’s all about steps. Keep walking that path. Sure, stop to reflect from time to time. Stop to smell the flowers. Enjoy your companions along the way. But continue your journey, and let your “mistakes” contribute positively to it.

Life is a journey, and our achievements and our mistakes are all steps on the path, all make us who we are, create the moment we are in and can positively influence the rest of our journey if we let them.

Please share on social media if you found this post helpful. Like this column? Sign up to subscribe to email alerts and you’ll never miss a post.

Regret, feeling stuck and breaking free

Posted May 01, 2015

Whoopsie! You screwed up royally.

You behaved in a way that negatively impacted you, a situation, or the people you love. You can’t let go of the guilt and self-loathing for what you did. You believe you must be a bad person. You’re feeling stuck, undeserving of love and happiness, and downright fraudulent. You’ve convinced yourself you’re a monster.

The negative thoughts and feelings that accompany the memories of that-thing-that-you-did are creating more problems. You’re damaging yourself – your low self worth causes increased stress and depression. You’re damaging your relationships – believing you don’t deserve to be loved actually builds walls between you and the people most important in your life – it blocks genuine intimacy. You’re damaging your career, health, spirit, and future happiness by holding onto those negative thoughts, opinions, and judgments about yourself.

So how does it benefit you to continue the daily self-deprecation? Well… it doesn’t.

Let’s hear what Heather Edwards has to tell us about overcoming regret. We all make mistakes, and it can eat away at us. Consider eight ways to move on.

The Past Impacts the Present and the Future:

Since we can’t change the past, we can focus on transforming the present moment and positively impacting the future.

1. Accept that humans are fallible creatures. If you are reading this, you are part of the species. You will make mistakes – some big, some small. Your regret demonstrates that you care. This is a good thing. Prolonged regret, however, can interfere with all areas of your life – relationships, career, health, etc. Find your mantra. Believe in it. It might sound something like this: “I am a fallible human. I make mistakes. Nevertheless, I am loving and lovable.”
2. How am I benefitting from self-hatred? If you, the situation, or the people you love are not benefitting from your self-loathing, then stop it. Do something else. What would be better? Consider what you really want – happiness, love, acceptance, achievement, belonging, generosity, gratitude. Focus on that. Stop “should-ing” yourself. Stop rehashing the unchangeable past!
3. Catch the negative self-talk in action! It can seem so automatic that it’s not noticed consciously at first. Slow down those negative messages. Hear your internal monologue. Do not accept those statements as fact. Deliberately challenge them and change them to positive statements. Perhaps even the opposite thought is closer to the truth. When I say to myself, “I’m an idiot! I never should’ve done that!” the resulting feeling is shame. When I say, “Whoa, I could’ve done better. I’ll try something else next time.” The result is empowerment to strive harder in the future.
4. What triggers those negative thoughts? Do certain people, situations, or memories trigger the negative self-talk? Prepare ahead of time with your mantra and affirming statements so that you are empowered to stay strong when confronted by them. Practice deep breathing, positive imagery, or take a time-out to regroup and rebuild your inner core. To quote Alice Walker, “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”
5. How do my thoughts affect my feelings and behaviors? Buddha, Norman Vincent Peale, Gandhi, Lao Tzu, William Shakespeare, Miles Davis, Steve Jobs, Carl Sagan, and Albert Einstein all recognized the power of thoughts! They shape our intentions, feelings, motivations, and behaviors. Make your thoughts work FOR you, not against you.
6. Focus on gratitude. Start a journal. Write about three things each day that you value and appreciate. Spend more time and energy thinking about the positive than the negative. You’ll notice a gradual shift in feeling calmer, freer, and happier.
7. Who am I and how do I want to be?Embrace your positive qualities. Pause and take stock. How did you get to where you are in life? What attracts people to you? What makes you funny, loving, reliable, smart, interesting, or a multitude of other desirable things? Own up to your values and contributions. They exist. Cherish what makes you special.
8. Genuinely apologize and forgive yourself. Regret and resentment keep you a prisoner of negative thoughts and emotions. Allow yourself the freedom to accept your imperfections, mistakes, and lapses of better judgment. Apologize to those affected and trust that you will be a stronger, wiser person going forward.

Learn Something Useful:

In regards to that-thing-that-you-did… well, without mistakes, you aren’t living life. Without mistakes, you aren’t growing, stretching, and changing. Without mistakes, you aren’t trying new things and exploring new ideas. There is no perfect human being. Let it go. Allow it to be part of your past. Start fresh now. Focus on the future and the life you want!

The Value of Mistakes – Four Quotes:

• “Mistakes are the portals of discovery.” – James Joyce
• “Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” – Mahatma Gandi
• “We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.” – Steve Maraboli
• “Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” – Rita Mae Brown

Research Assistant: Gabriel Banschick

With focus, determination and courage, you can create an amazing life for yourself.

If you want to learn how to heal a broken heart and move on in life after divorce, you’ll need to face some challenges.

Divorce is difficult, painful, heartbreaking and so many other unpleasant things. It changes your lifestyle, your parenting, and even your sense of self.

It can bring you lower than you’ve ever been before. Yet, if you’re determined and choose to be brave, rebuilding a life after divorce can be one of the best things you’ll ever do.

When you were married you changed.

Over time, all married couples do. They change in big ways and small ways. Some changes are great for the marriage and great for the spouse making them. Others are great for the marriage but hard on the individual.

Chances are you made big changes and small ones during your marriage. Some of those changes were probably good for you and some … not so much.

And it’s those changes that were hard on you that you can now examine as you’re contemplating rebuilding a life after divorce.

Now that you’re divorced, you have the freedom to adjust how you’re living. You don’t have to continue living as you did in your marriage.

You don’t have to continue making the large and small compromises that felt as if you were giving away parts of yourself for the sake of your marriage.

Granted, this isn’t easy. The freedom may not feel great. It may actually feel scary and lonely because the relationship you built your life on is gone. But, remember, so are the uncomfortable constraints.

And without those constraints, now it’s your opinion that matters most. You’re the one you need to please. You’re the one you need to take care of.

This can feel like you have a lot of new responsibilities. And, truthfully, you probably do. But it’s because of these responsibilities and the freedom that accompanies divorce that you can create a new life for yourself.

Rebuilding a life after divorce is about pleasing and supporting you. It gives you the opportunity to rediscover the bits and pieces of yourself that you gave up or ignored for the sake of your marriage. It also gives you the space to discover new interests as you regain your sense of personal identity.

It’s when you begin looking at the positive possibilities ahead of you that you’ll be on the path toward turning the devastation of your divorce around.

When you start planning for your future, you’ll begin understanding how your divorce might be allowing you to finally start being you again – strong, confident, and happy.

Even if you felt that way during your marriage, the new you, the post-divorce you can be even stronger, more confident and happier because you can now be true to yourself without compromise. – if you’re determined and courageous enough.

Becoming a better version of yourself after divorce takes determination and courage. You’ll be the one making the decisions about how you live and the experiences you want to have. Yet each and every decision you make has the potential to bring you closer and closer to living your best life. And having the power to be your best self is pretty amazing.

Is rebuilding a life after divorce easy? No. It will be one of the most difficult things you’ve ever done.

But, when you make the effort and take the time to create a life you love, you’ll know that every tear you cried and every bead of sweat along the way was totally and completely worth it.

Sign Up for the YourTango Newsletter

Dr. Karen Finn is a divorce and life coach. Her writing on marriage, divorce and co-parenting has appeared on MSN, Yahoo! & eHarmony among others. You can learn more about Karen and her work by visiting her website.

This article was originally published at Dr. Karen Finn’s blog. Reprinted with permission from the author.

The common belief that half of all marriages end in divorce is actually true: According to the American Psychology Association, “about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce, and the divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.”

Yes, dissolutions of marriages happen—but it’s not impossible for couples to find closure and move on. As licensed psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson explains in Psychology Today, going through a divorce tends to hit our self-esteem the hardest. So regardless of the reasons that pushed you and your partner to call it quits, there are ways to heal your heart.

Meet the Expert

Tina Gilbertson is a psychotherapist who specializes in supporting parents of estranged adult children. She is the founder of the Reconnection Club and the author of Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them and Reconnecting with Your Estranged Adult Child.

How to Move on After Divorce

Remember that you’re not alone. Gilbertson points out that there’s “a very large minority of all marriages in the U.S. don’t last a lifetime.”

Think of the divorce as the next chapter of your life. Look at the end of your marriage as a transition to the next part of your life. “Remember, it takes courage to let go of the familiar, even when the familiar isn’t working or causes you pain,” Gilbertson says.

Practice constructive wallowing. According to Gilbertson, it’s okay to mourn the positive parts of your marriage—in fact, it’s healthy to acknowledge them so you can work through them and make room for something new.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you’re not already seeing a mental health professional, consider working with a therapist who can help you work through your feelings in a constructive way. Joining a divorce support group can also be therapeutic.

Focus on what you do have, and what you can control. Keep in mind that you paralyze yourself by focusing on the things you don’t have and can’t do.

Work on understanding yourself before trying to find a new partner. You now have permission slips to have temporary adult relationships to soothe your soul, but don’t introduce romantic partners to your kids unless it’s serious.

Forgive yourself. Try not to beat yourself up—life can do that for you.

Learn to create little victories for yourself and build on them. Shoot for one little thing each day that can show progress in a particular area of your life.

If you have children, remember to keep your relationship civil with your ex. You have a responsibility to your children to do everything in your power to keep their relationship with both parents warm, loving, and civil, if possible. For better or worse, their lives were changed without their consent.

Don’t talk negatively about your ex. Even if your relationship was rocky with your former partner, avoid speaking negatively about them around your kids—that could end up straining your relationship with your children, or worse, damage their emotional health.

Understand that the divorce will affect your friendships, too. Friends will take sides and this will hurt, but those who are true will be there to listen and will be there forever.

Focus on finding good caretakers for your kids. If you’re a single working parent, do everything in your power to make sure you find the best caretakers for your children. You will derive peace of mind when this is in place.

Make your newfound free time count. If you feel that your ex was holding you back from accomplishing your dreams and aspirations, now’s the time to check off the items on your bucket list. (Hint: If you’ve got the financial means, consider finally taking that exotic vacation.)

Find the silver lining in everything. It may take time to get accustomed to sleeping alone every night, for instance, but that also means that you’ll be able to come and go as you please on your own schedule.

Break a sweat. Exercise raises serotonin in your brain and helps fight depression, so practice self-care and sign up for your favorite workout of choice.

Don’t neglect your other relationships. Force yourself to stay involved with people and socialize for business and pleasure.

Want to know why it’s so hard to change your life?

It’s not because of motivation, inspiration, dedication…or any of the other ‘ations.

Time, especially the time you’ve already spent, means everything. When you spend time on something — a relationship, a career, a city, a life — it’s very difficult to let go of it in lieu of something better.

When you look at life through the lens of people being afraid to let go, all of a sudden all sorts of situations make sense. People staying with spouses for too long, or worse, forever. People building careers that don’t serve them. People constantly stuck in a state of repetition, but staying there, because the ‘losing and letting go’ process is indifferent about the quality of what you’re letting go of.

That’s the key to all of this.

I was reluctant to share this, but I think it’s important for you to hear that someone like me, who I’m sure you think has it more figured out than you do, has their own struggles.

My partner and I mutually ended a relationship of five years. We have a daughter together. It’s tricky. But it’s right. Not that I need to explain myself, but it was beyond repair and had been for a while.

It was one of those situations where both of you kinda know. One day, you have that conversation and the truth floodgates open. Then, you either shove the truth back down or let life unfold based on it. We chose the latter. And now I’m starting over. At least in one aspect of my life.

In reality, I wasn’t sad because of the relationship itself. I knew we weren’t meant for each other. The part I feared most, and the part you probably fear about starting over, is just being at zero. It’s the raw sense of uncertainty that scares us. It’s the lack of an identity we constructed over time. At least you can make sense of a shitty life, relationship, or situation. When you start over, you have no idea what’s going on. And not knowing is terrifying.

So what did I do about all of this?

Did I bounce back instantly? Did I put on my self-improvement hat and build a new love & social life out of thin air? No. Not right away. At first, I grieved. That’s the part no one wants to hear but it’s true.

If you trade your current underwhelming life for the unknown, there will just be a period where your feelings range from pure optimism to pure pessimism. Sitting in uncertainty is nerve-wracking at times, but if you can get through that part, what’s on the other side is completely up to you.

When you let go, start over, and begin at zero in a given situation, you have a benefit few people have. Pure freedom. You’re unencumbered because you have real options. If you’re in a new city, career, relationship, circumstance, anything, you get to decide what to do with your future, especially your attitude.

Whatever went on in your old life wasn’t serving you. If you do manage to take the leap and start over in a certain area, you can analyze everything that went wrong and resolves for it never to happen again. You can construct reality as you see fit. And this time, you won’t compromise for anything less than what’s best for you.

My first instinct was to pour myself into tons of work and new activities. But, right now, I’m taking the time to actually figure out what I want…all over again. I got the career part right but made missteps personally along the way. I haven’t felt this uncertain in a long time and instead of hiding from the way I feel, I’m going to do what I always do with feelings — good or bad. I’m going to use them to serve a purpose.

See, if you learn nothing from the past and continue to make the same mistakes, you die over and over again while you’re alive. No bueno. Instead, take this attitude about your past mistakes:

“My characterization of a loser is someone who, after making a mistake, doesn’t introspect, doesn’t exploit it, feels embarrassed and defensive rather than enriched with a new piece of information, and tries to explain why he made the mistake rather than moving on. These types often consider themselves the “victims” of some large plot, a bad boss, or bad weather.” — Nassim Taleb

Of course, there were plenty of dots to connect looking backward. Now? I’m looking for a new adventure and using my past as a spring board to a better future, instead of a prison I live in until I die.

So what about you?

What are you scared of?

What do you need to let go, but can’t?

Sometimes life just forces your hand. You get fired, left, hurt, whatever. Something pushes you out of the hole you made with your rationalizations and you don’t have a choice but to at least acknowledge that something’s wrong.

In those moments, the hardest but most important thing to do is realize that life is trying to teach you something. Pain, especially pain from a loss, can be some of the purest motivation you can find. But it can also derail you.

When confronted with situations like these, it goes back to looking at your life as objectively as possible. Does it make more objective sense to take your loss to the chin and start over or wallow in loss until it eats you from inside? Does it make sense to hold onto a life that no longer serves you? Answering these questions brutally and honestly provides one of the few paths forward.

Maybe life hasn’t forced your hand, but you’re just living in complacency. You’re stuck. You don’t know what to do. Well, you do know what do to, but you’re scared because you know you have to give something up.

How do you let go, successfully? First, you just do it. Whatever it takes to muster up the energy to cut the oxygen from a bad situation. You do it. Self-help writers always make these super specific techniques that don’t necessarily work. Ripping the band-aid is ripping the band-aid in almost any context.

Second, let what happened wash over you long enough to accept it, but not too long enough to dwell on it. You have to feel what you feel to make sure you avoid feeling that way again.

Last, rebuild. Such a simple and easy thing for me to say, right? What do you want me to tell you? That it will all be easy and workout without a ton of effort on your end? If you’ve followed me for any amount of time, you know that’s not my style.

I’ve reinvented myself and let go of the past many times. I try to focus on the adventure. I know I’m not guaranteed anything and I also know my attitude moving forward makes the difference. It’s that simple. What are you doing with your adventure?

What we need to understand is the fact that we all have to deal with those things that did not work out in the past and let go of all those things that turned so incredible that you wished they never came to an end. We have to let go of somethings and moments that can never last forever and we have to make sure we make peace with the memories of those things that did not work out. It is very important to make sure that we all have the ability to get over what has already taken place and make sure we make the best of the present moment and create some incredible memories for the future.

If you have been hanging onto the past and have not been able to move on in life, if your inability to get over your past has been hampering your present activities, here are some of the ways in which you can get over your past and move on in your life.

#1. Make Peace With What Happened

The first step in order to get over the past is to make sure that you make peace with all the things that took place. Making peace in order to get over the past can be of two kinds, one is making peace with the negative things that took place in the past. There are things that do not work out in our life, and there are those that leave a bitter feeling within us. It is essential for us to get rid of the regret and the lack of satisfaction that we attach to these events. This can be done by making peace with them and realizing the fact that there was absolutely nothing that is going to change if you keep holding on to the sour feeling that these events cause.

The other thing that you will need to make peace with is the fact that not all good moments or things can last in life for long. There are times when we tend to enjoy life to the fullest and rarely wish such moments to leave our life. But, things will have to change.

#2. Acknowledge The Lessons The Past Teaches You

It is very crucial to understand the fact that nothing is a waste, all the difficult situations that you have faced in the past are the ones that taught you a lot of crucial life lessons that will be important for living a better life in the future. It is very important to keep in mind the fact that unless we make mistakes and some things go wrong in life we will not really be able to make the correct choices at many times in our life.

#3. Take Professional Help

Although it is essential to let go of the past and make sure we move on in our life, some of the experiences in our life are such that it becomes absolutely impossible for us to take charge of our thoughts and get rid of all the emotions attached to the past. Sometimes such traumatic events take place in our life that we cannot deal with the consequences of such events, they can prove to be hugely impactful and leave us an emotional wreck.

In such cases, it is important to take the suggestion and advice of professional experts who will be able to figure out the best treatments and the methods that we will need to use in order to make sure we can let go of the memories of the trauma that we have experienced. It is very essential to make sure that you get a proper treatment in case it is bothering your ability to live freely and you are not able to detach yourself from the negative feelings of the past events.

There are four people you need to forgive if you are serious about changing your life and learning how to live in the now.

The first are your parents, living or dead. You must absolutely forgive them for every mistake they ever made in bringing you up. At the very least, you should be grateful to them for giving you life. They got you here. If you are happy to be alive, you can forgive them for everything else. Never complain about them again.

Many of my seminar participants have phoned or visited their parents and told them that they forgive them for everything. Often this simple act of courage and character has had a profound effect on their relationship with their mother or father. From that day onward, they have become good friends, which lasted the rest of their lives together.

On the other hand, by not forgiving your parents, you remain forever a child. You block your own chance to grow up and become a fully functioning adult. You continue to see yourself as a victim. Even worse, you keep your negative feelings of inferiority and anger alive. If your parents die without your having forgiven them, it can bother you for the rest of your life.

Close Personal Relationships

The second person or persons you must forgive are the people from your marriages or relationships that didn’t work out. These intimate relationships can be so intense, and so threatening to your feelings of self-esteem and self-worth, that you can be angry and unforgiving toward those people for years.

But you were at least partially responsible. Have the personal strength and integrity to say, “I am responsible,” and then forgive the other person and let him or her go. Say the words, “I forgive him/her for everything and I wish him/her well.” Each time you repeat this, the negative emotion attached to the memory will diminish. Soon it will be gone forever.

How to Let Go

Many of my graduates have found that “the letter” is the key to putting a bad relationship behind them forever. This is a powerful technique that can free you from feelings of anger and resentment almost instantly.

Here is how it works: You to sit down and write the other person a letter of forgiveness. It consists of three parts.

First you say, “I forgive you for everything you ever did that hurt me.”

Second, you write out a description or list of every single thing that you are still mad about. Some people write several pages in this part.

Third, you end the letter with the words, “I wish you w

You then take the letter to the mailbox and drop it in. At that moment, you will feel a huge sense of relief, and you will be free at last.

By the way, don’t worry about how the other person might react. That is not your concern. Your goal is to free yourself, to regain your peace of mind, and to get on with the wonderful life that lies ahead of you.

Clear Your Slate and Move Forward

The third person you must forgive is everyone else in your life who has ever hurt you in any way. Let them go. Forgive every boss, business partner, friend, crook or betrayer who has ever caused you grief of any kind. Clean the slate and forgive to forget.

Wipe each of their names and images off by saying, “I forgive him/her for everything, and I wish him/her well.”

Repeat this statement each time you think of the person or situation until the negative feelings are gone.

Set Yourself Free

The fourth and final person you have to forgive is yourself.

You must absolutely forgive yourself for every silly, senseless, wicked, brainless, thoughtless or cruel thing you have ever done or said. Stop carrying these past mistakes around with you. That was then and this is now.

Think of it this way. When you did those things in the past that you still feel badly about, you were not the person you are today. At that time, you were a different person, younger and less experienced. You were not your true self. You were an immature version of the person you have become with experience. Stop beating yourself up for something that occurred in the past that you cannot change.

Just say, “I forgive myself for every mistake I ever made. I am a thoroughly good person and I am going to have a wonderful future.”

Whenever you think of that event or situation, just repeat, “I forgive myself completely.” And then get on with your life. Focus on the future rather than the past and don’t look back. Look at where you are going rather than where you have been.

Finally, if you did something that hurt someone, and you still feel badly about it, you can go to that person, or write, and apologize. Tell the person you are sorry for what you did or said. Whatever his or her reaction, positive or negative, it doesn’t matter. The very act of repentance, of expressing regret, will set you free.

DISCOVER HAPPINESS THROUGH VALUES, AND LIVING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE

“You are not what you think you are; but what you think, you are! You always behave, on the outside, in a manner consistent with your self-concept, on the inside.” Learn how to live by your own personal code here.

To learn more about how to be happy, take a look at my recent post How To Be Happy: 5 Steps To Living A Life You Love.

About Brian Tracy — Brian is recognized as the top sales training and personal success authority in the world today. He has authored more than 60 books and has produced more than 500 audio and video learning programs on sales, management, business success and personal development, including worldwide bestseller The Psychology of Achievement. Brian’s goal is to help you achieve your personal and business goals faster and easier than you ever imagined. You can follow him on Google+, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Linkedin and Youtube.

Share

Obsession can cloud rational thinking and nowhere is it more prevalent than when buying a new home. Covid has amplified it, propelled by parts of the media suggesting that there’s a rush to get out of cities. Making a lasting, or indeed any, move requires patience, planning and iron self-discipline.

1. Get an honest valuation

So how can you plan whilst staying aloof and objective? Get some idea of what you’re going to be able to sell your home for. Talk to three agents and do your research – do they usually sell the kind of property you own? Once you know how much your property is worth, add in the potentially huge transactional costs. SDLT, legal fees, selling fees, moving costs plus a significant contingency for unexpected problems/changes. If your property is below £500k it’s still entirely possible these costs will add up to at least 5 per cent of the total sale price and remember, that’s out of your cash or deposit. If you’re moving at over £1 million costs could well be 10 per cent and much more, so be realistic.

2. Do the groundwork

Next, check you can get roughly what you want where you want and then stop looking. Instead, prepare everything necessary to sell your home. Make sure your you get a good solicitor immediately. Do not wait until you have an offer, and ensure they have everything they need to send out a contract instantly when you have a selling offer agreed. Beware of overpaying for something because you get ‘auction fever’, without being able to transact, then underselling what you own in a panic to secure the new property. If you’re a couple this is maximum stress time as invariably there will be agendas, and both will be lying if they’re not regularly portal gazing, so don’t walk about on eggshells and keep talking.

Wait for an offer – if it doesn’t come at least you won’t have wasted valuable headspace in your purchase and don’t panic – you always have options.

3. Start your search with an offer under your belt

Once you have an offer agreed you’re in that period agents love. With an exchange date looming, you’re ready to go. This is peak search time and with many agents’ websites giving plenty of info, you hopefully won’t have to waste too much time actually out and about. Use Google Maps and fabulous data tools like Sprift to check info on the house you’re looking at.

Have fun looking and don’t be afraid to make silly bids. Brits are hopeless with money and always think getting 1 per cent off the price is a result. Don’t get bogged down though, paying over the odds for what you want will probably pay dividends in the long run and if they say yes to a bid at more than 10 per cent below asking then cheers all round. At this stage a good reliable and well remunerated solicitor will be reassuring for both you and the agents involved.

4. If the price isn’t right, don’t sell

If you can do all the above, you’re superhuman – but it can be done. If not, you have options. If the price you’re selling for isn’t enough for where you want to go, you could wait for the market to change – but remember it will probably change where you’re buying too, or you could rent out your house and try renting in the area you want to move to. This has the double advantage of lessening the financial shock if it’s not, as well as giving you the chance to check out whether it really is your dream spot.

Lastly, try not to call the market – it’s a mug’s game.

Ed Mead is Co founder and Chief executive of property viewing service Viewber. Twitter: @ed_mead

The only thing harder than getting through the emotional roller coaster that is divorce? Getting through it when you know your ex has moved on with someone new.

Below, HuffPost Divorce readers share their best advice for moving on when your ex has left you for someone else.

1. “Take it one day at a time. Know that there was nothing you could have done differently. They made the choice to leave you for someone else.”

2. “Whatever you do, don’t try to get your ex back. Just leave them alone. And for the love of all that’s good and holy, do not poke around their Facebook page. It’s self-inflicted torture. Give yourself time to feel your way through everything. It is hard at first, but take it from me — it gets better.”

3. “Don’t cave into the pressure to let go and move on. The hardest thing for people on the outside to understand is that there is no timeline for getting through this.”

4. “First, don’t go after the other woman or man — they didn’t make the oath to you. Anger and frustration can fester and in the end it only hurts you. Find an outlet and get those feelings out. You didn’t cheat, your ex did. Mourn the loss of him and your marriage, then go forward. You have to do this alone for a while, so hold off on that new relationship.”

5. “This too shall pass. No one ever dies from a divorce.”

6. “You’re going to have to grieve. I cried a lot. Eventually I learned a few important things, though: I made mistakes in the marriage, too, including communicating poorly. You also realize there are plenty other potential partners out there for you. It took me five years to see it but there are more than enough women interested in me.”

7. “Take care of yourself. The fact that someone left you doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of love. No matter what happens in your life, you should never abandon yourself.”

8. “Embrace all the little things you love but your ex never cared about. Enjoy sleeping in the middle of the bed and eating at the restaurants your ex didn’t like. Go and do what you want, when you want. Enjoy the time alone and with your family.”

9. “I’m a firm believer that living well is the best revenge. Let your ex see how happy you are without them. Believe me, you may have to ‘fake it till you make it’ at the start, but now I”m quite possibly the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. Focus on doing things that make you and the kids happy. Live the life you’ve always wanted — the one you may have put on the back-burner for your ex. It’s your time now.”

10. “Get to the gym. You’re going need every endorphin rush you can get.”

11. “Show yourself patience and love. See a counselor and work through your issues with them. Don’t talk about it at work or on Facebook. Gossip gets around and it will come back to haunt you.”

12. “Thank your ex for not wasting your time anymore. Look at it this way: They did you a favor. Your ex is someone else’s problem now. Anxiety, be gone!”

Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost Divorce on Facebook and Twitter. Sign up for our newsletter here.

“Our battle with COVID-19 is not over, but we will not be afraid of the virus,” read the tweet shared by PIB

Akshay Kumar in a still from the ad. (courtesy PIB_India )

Highlights

• Akshay and R Balki shot the ad at Mumbai’s Kamalistan studio
• It was an advertisement for the Health Ministry
• The shoot was done with very strict protocols

Remember the advertisement that Akshay Kumar and filmmaker R Balki were shooting for during the lockdown, a few days ago? The commercial was released on the official Twitter handle of the Press Information Bureau (PIB) on Tuesday. The idea behind the video was to send across a message to people to “move on with their lives” and spread awareness about the post lockdown responsibilities while taking all the necessary precautions. At the end of the video, Akshay signed off with a reminder to wear masks before stepping out for work. The video showcases a masked Akshay Kumar in a rural setting, stepping out of his home, while he is interrupted by his neighbour. In the one-and-a-half minute advertisement, the neighbour asks Akshay if he isn’t afraid of catching coronavirus. To which, the actor responds by saying that initially he was afraid. However, he later learned that if one takes precautions, catching the virus is unlikely.

The tweet shared by PIB’s official Twitter handle read, “Our battle with COVID-19 is not over, but we will not be afraid of the virus. We will take all precautions and we are going to move on with our lives.” It was accompanied by the hashtags #IndiaFightsCorona and #BreakTheStigma.

Check out the video here:

Our battle with #COVID19 is not over, but we will not be afraid of the virus. We will take all precautions and we are going to move on with our lives

Akshay Kumar and filmmaker R Balki, with whom the actor has worked in films like PadMan and Mission Mangal, shot for the Health Ministry’s advertisement at Mumbai’s Kamalistan Studio a few days ago while taking the much-required necessary precautions.

Speaking of the advertisement earlier, R Balki told news agency PTI, “This is an ad for the Health Ministry, featuring Akshay Kumar about the post lockdown responsibilities of each one of us. We need to get back to work but ensure our safety and those of others. So at our shoot we did the same. Like getting back to work with social distancing, sanitised outdoor set, disinfectant screen, masks. We got used to it in a few minutes. There was minimal crew and very strict protocols.”

Akshay Kumar was last seen in Good Newwz, co-starring Kareena Kapoor, Kiara Advani and Diljit Dosanjh. The actor has an impressive line-up of films that includes Bell Bottom, Prithviraj, Sooryavanshi, Laxmmi Bomb and Bachchan Pandey. He recently signed Aanand L Rai’s Atrangi Re, co-starring Sara Ali Khan and Dhanush.

Divorce, Find A New Job, And Move On In Life

There is a great life that lies head after divorce. You will be able to move on with your life. You can get up and move to a new place and start a completely new life. Some people will do just that. They will change jobs, they will refinance, and they will begin to date again. Just because the divorce is done and is final, this doesn’t mean that you have gone through all the steps. You still have to pick up the pieces and try to move on. It’s hard for many to move on because they have spent so much time with that person and it can be hard to break up someone who doesn’t want to. There are a lot of feelings that you will go through, however you will find that there is a lot of hope that lies in the bounds of the aftermath.

After the divorce you have refinanced and everything is done and over. You don’t have a mortgage, you may not have a car payment, you may not have anything to your name. This is a great opportunity to relocate. You don’t have to go to another state, but even another county would be a huge change for you. You will have to find a way to get back in the game.

The first step to rebuilding after moving is to find a new job. You may want to find a job that allows you to work more because now you don’t have to worry about sharing your time with your wife, or you may decide that you don’t need a high paying job anymore because you don’t the bills or family to support. You can adjust to your new living by going up or standing back from employment. You can purchase a new home and start there, or you can just not make any commitments and rent. Your like is completely up to you.

It may be a long way to come back once you have been knocked down by a divorce. You may have to start from nothing. You will have new views, new goals, a new life. You can leave everything behind or you can build yourself back up. Some people just find it easier to leave everything than truly deal with anything. It is a hassle to go through a divorce and the alimony can make you need to get another job. You will find that there are so many things in a divorce that can cause you to take up drinking, but then there are so many more things that you can do to make things better. You can make things better by going for an important job that you didn’t want to take because of your family. You have nothing holding you back. You can re-do everything your way. You don’t have to worry about pleasing anyone but yourself.

You are completely independent. That is one good thing about divorce. It can also be scary. If you feel like you can’t stand on your own, you can ease your way into being independent. You can move in with some friends, you can take a less demanding job, you can purchase a lease for an apartment, whether than purchase a home. You don’t have to make any commitments to anything. Once you feel like you can get back in the game you can begin to make commitments like buying a house, or asking someone on a date. It’s a slow progression back.

Once you have relocated you can spend your time like you wish and you can change anything in your life. You should try to be independent because you will make the progression back quickly. You can be okay sooner than later.

Divorce, find an apartment, and move on in life

Moving out and finding an apartment can be a good thing. It will start the divorce proceedings. However, if you have children, you do not want to move out. If you were to move out the other spouse may end up getting the children because the live in the home and it’s a stable environment. Also, they may be given the home just for the fact that there are children and you have already made arrangements to live elsewhere’s.

However, if you move out you will have relief from the arguments and torture that many people take while trying to push a divorce through. If you would really like to keep the house, then you should stay until the judge has made his decision. At the temporary relief hearing, this is when you can make your plea to come back or make the other move out.

When you do move out and find an apartment you can look for apartments that are for those who are going through a divorce. They are usually very cheap and most people will keep to themselves. If you do move out and without the children than you should see them as much as you possible can arrange so that the judge will allow you to keep your visits. You may want to purchase an apartment that has plenty of room for the children and you may want to set up with rooms so that when they come to your place they can be entertained and comfortable.

When you move you, take everything that you would like with you. You should take any personal things like your clothes and jewelry. You should also inventory everything that you take so that it can’t come back as stealing. If you take it out right away, the law will see it as yours. Depending on what it is and the value of it (money or personal) you may be able to keep it or you may have to be ordered to give it back. But, if you would like it, please take it with you, because you never know what they may do to your things. Also, don’t be greedy; leave most of the furniture, unless it was in your den or private area. You should never clean the house out, regardless of who owned what. It will look bad in court, plus you don’t want the children to be disrupted.

When you move out, don’t go to the girlfriend/boyfriend’s place. You want to show independence and it may be just what you need. If you cannot afford a place on your own, you should move in with a friend or family member. You should not’ move back to the parents because you never know what dirt the lawyer can dig up about your family when it comes to custody of the children. Also, make sure that this other person would have no personal interaction with you so they can’t say that you are dating each other. Moving in with a close friend or cousin will make the rent easier to be paid and you won’t be completely alone. You will have someone to stay with that will support you.

Once you are settled in your new place you can gradually begin to build a new life. Go out, meet new people, have fun. Just don’t do anything that would make you look bad if someone brought it up in court. This way you can move on with your life, but you don’t mess up a good beginning. If there aren’t children involved you may even want to move out of state if your family is located somewhere else. This way you can have family around you be able to move on.

God is standing by you during your heartbreak.

Whether you saw it coming or not, a break up is never easy. In fact, more times than not, a break up can cause you to question everything in your life. You may find yourself questioning whether you’re good enough within other aspects of your life that you normally would be confident in. If you allow it, rejected feelings endured from a break up can send you into a state of depression. Even though everyone around you is telling you that it’s going to be okay, your heart is uttering something different. However the reality, even though it may not feel like it, is that one day you will be able to put the pieces back together and feel whole again.

While you’re mourning your relationship, turn to prayer to move on after a break up. You’ll discover a newfound view on relationships; moreover, you’ll discover a closer bond with your relationship with your Lord and Savior as well. Psalm 34:18 represents the Lord’s love for you as His child. The scripture says, “The Lord is near to those who are discouraged; He saves those who have lost all hope.” More than ever, the Lord is listening to your words and striving for you to see that. You may be asking yourself, “Why is God allowing me to hurt?” As a child of Jesus Christ, it’s imperative that you understand every instance in your life has a meaning – ultimately, there is a lesson to be learned. God’s plan is reiterated in Jeremiah 29:11, “I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.” Everything will eventually make sense and that moment of awe is right around the corner.

The worst thing that you can do, while going through a break up, is to allow yourself an indefinite period of self-pity. It’s understandable to be heart broken and sad; however, it is inexcusable to allow the sorrow to take over your life. Without pain, you would never truly appreciate the glories of life and the feeling of true love. Try this prayer – you’ll find that the wise words cover the array of feelings and emotions you’re experiencing.

Lord, thank You for being You and for Your willingness to be here with me during this time. It’s been difficult lately with this break up. You know that. You’ve been here watching me and watching us together. I know in my heart that if it was meant to be it would have happened, but that thought doesn’t always mesh with how I feel. I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m disappointed.

You are the one I know I can turn to for comfort, Lord. Provide me with reassurance that this was the right thing for me in my life, as it is right now. Lord, show me that there are so many great things in my future, and offer me solace in the thought that You have plans for me and that one day I will find the person that fits with those plans. Assure me that You have my best intentions in mind, and while I don’t know what all of those intentions are, this wasn’t a part of them. That one day you’ll reveal someone new that will make my heart sing. Allow me the time to get to that point of acceptance.

Lord, I just ask for Your continued love and guidance during this difficult time, and I pray for the patience of others as I work through my feelings. Every time I think of the happy times, it hurts. When I think of the sad times, well, that hurts, too. Help those around me understand that I need this time to heal and work through that pain. Help me understand that this, too, shall pass for me. That one day the pain will become less, and remind me that You’ll be there right with me the whole time. Though I may have difficulty letting go, I pray that You surround me with people that help me through and lift me up in prayer, in love, and in support.

Thank You, Lord, for being more than just my God in this moment. Thank You for being my Father. My friend. My confidante, and my support. In your Name, Amen.

Break ups are the furthest thing from easy. Use this time to reevaluate who you are what you want to be as an individual. Assess things from a different lens, by identifying where you are in life and where you want to be. Most times, when you’re in a relationship, an individual makes decisions around their partner. While this understandable, it’s’ important to identify what you really need and want out of life – make sure you’re striving to achieve happiness for you and not someone else. As odd as it may sound, learn to embrace this difficult time and look for ways you can cultivate a stronger bond with your Lord and Savior through prayer. Accept that you will need to be patient and learn that time will heal all wounds.

Surround yourself with good people. Keep in mind that positivity is just as contagious as negativity; therefore, it’s crucial to be around individuals that will lift you up. You’ll discover that sometimes tough love is the best kind of love. Matthew 7:13 says, “Broad is the road that leads to destruction.” Think of the road of destruction as your broken heart. It’s important that you do not allow yourself to stay on this road for a long amount of time. If you make sure that you have a troop to cheer you on and rally behind you, then you’ll find it much easier to identify with hope. Above all, keep in mind that your heart is not going to heal in a day, a week, and maybe not even in a month. Furthermore, the pieces may not fit together like they once did. However, these pieces and newfound order will help you identify as a stronger and more established Christian. Your Lord and Savior will never give you more than you can handle – even though it may not seem like it at the time, there is a reason for every action in your life.

Let Go of Negative Feelings and Grasp New Solutions

Have you ever found yourself obsessing over something negative that’s happened to you, and getting more and more upset, but feeling unable to let it go? If so, you’ve experienced rumination, and you’re not alone—this is a very common pattern of thinking. It’s also a very stressful thought pattern, though. In fact, when people ruminate about negative things that have happened in their lives, they tend to feel stressed about them when they may not have otherwise felt consciously stressed.

Rumination can be difficult to resist, however, especially when it becomes an unconscious habit; what may start out as an attempt to process negative emotions or find a solution to a problem can quickly devolve into a negative loop of obsessive, negative thinking. It’s difficult to find a solution to a problem or process emotions surrounding it without ever thinking about the problem, though, so it’s tricky to find a balance between ignoring problems and ruminating about them. What is the trick to being able to think about a problem without letting it consume you and your good mood? The following guidelines can help you to examine your life and problems without feeling “owned by” them—to process emotions without falling into the rumination trap.

Journaling With a Happy Ending

Many studies have confirmed that journaling is an effective strategy for managing stress and processing emotions. However, a journal can be used for rumination just as easily as another person can be used for this purpose— more easily, in many cases, because there is nobody telling the ruminating person that this is a bad idea to focus on life’s frustrations indefinitely. How can a journal be used? One way is to go over negative events, fully exploring emotions, but being sure to end on a positive note: discuss what you learned from the situation, what you gained in terms of personal growth, and what you hope for in the future.

Journaling Without Heroes or Villains

Talk about past events and look at why certain things happened, but work on forgiving those responsible rather than hating them; forgive yourself, too, without ignoring the role you played (so you can learn) Take responsibility for what you may have seen coming, and Write about what you wish happened, but also write about the negative things that could have happened if you’d gotten what you wanted. Write about times in the past where you’ve got what you wanted, but it’s turned out differently than you’d expected, and times when you didn’t get what you wanted but got something better.

Try Gratitude Journaling

Start a gratitude journal—it helps to be reminded of the good things in life, and there are ALWAYS good things that can be remembered and appreciated. Doing so can help your health and happiness levels. Start a meditation practice. This allows you to distance yourself from your problems, re-examine how you are handling your problems (are you engaging in self-sabotage or cognitive distortions?) and reach for better-feeling thoughts.

Give Yourself a Break

Distract yourself with something fun that can lift your mood. It may seem like sticking a band-aid on a broken arm, but finding some distance between yourself and your stressors, and then filling this space with activities you already know will make you feel better has been shown to create greater levels of happiness and lower levels of stress. Take advantage of it!