Having grown up as a Mormon myself, I often meet people now who still have a lot of misconceptions about the Church, and sometimes find myself in the weird position of defending a culture I don’t necessarily agree with.
Making Under the Banner of Heaven, I did find myself in that unexpected position, where I was asking questions I knew the Church wouldn’t be pleased with, but I was also in a position to make sure I wasn’t subjecting the narrative to the kind of stereotypes I was subjected to as a kid. I was both the interrogator and the defender. I don’t think that the criticisms and concerns raised by the series are exclusive to Mormondom, but I also hope the series makes it clear that not everything about a faithful and devout life is bad. This even dates back to Big Love, where I was the only Mormon, or former Mormon, in the writer’s room — you can say “former Mormon,” or “ex-Mormon,” but it’s so formative and foundational.
I feel the same way, I wasn’t sure if you even wanted to be called “ex-Mormon,” as some people who have left the Church describe themselves.
You technically can, because I don’t go to church anymore, and I don’t believe in many of the things I was taught as a child, but it’s also not like I left when I was six years old. I was well into my teens when I stopped going, because my mother stopped going, but my heart was still in it. It would take a very long time before I had my eyes opened, and books like Under the Banner of Heaven helped me find answers that gave me a sense of security.
But you have to acknowledge that some faiths create a sense of community that can really support families or people in need. The Golden Rule ain’t a bad thing, and that’s at the heart of Mormondom for most rank-and-file members. They don’t ask these questions the show is asking. And when they do, they’re asked to stop doing that. So I had to make the distinction between mainstream Mormons, cultural Mormons, fundamentalist Mormons, and at the same time, I couldn’t let any of them off the hook. This was a very delicate dance.
